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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> THE "WHAT IF'S"
Post Info TOPIC: THE "WHAT IF'S"
LinSC


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THE "WHAT IF'S"
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Because of the what if's that I am experiencing this Christmas season, because of my son's past drinking. I hesitate to go visit him and family. Although he has been sober for over a year, does not have a program and has not grown a lot in his problem solving capabilities. But I want to see my Grand baby! He has shown me via email, that sometimes his sarcasm shows up. I want to be above this, and I think I can, but it doesnt always come easy. I am easy going, but sometimes I just want to say "grow up dude" your 30 now....but I know it probably won't do any good!

Your experience and wisdom is appreciated.

LSC



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hotrod


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LSC I would go and make sure to bring my own alanon tools and it should be fine



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
grateful2be


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Of course, saying grow up, dude, isn't going to help him mature. Fortunately, he's been sober and I hope in program for a year now? Wow! That is such good progress. Sarcasm is learned behavior and will change as he continues to work his program. Fortunately, you know not to use it and as Betty suggests, going all Al-Anon programmed up (and I take daily check ins with my sponsor wherever I go as one of the finest tools especially when spending time with family members) to spend time focused on you and lavishing love on this little gift called your son's child and your grandbaby - wow! What a great Christmas present to give yourself. Meetings in the location you'll be if for an extended visit can help you, too?

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
LinSC


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My son does not have a program.... so it makes it a little different....

LSC



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grateful2be


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Fortunately, you do!  I love that you have a grandbaby to visit and cuddle.  Mine is 15 and only allows cuddles when "other people" can't see it.  Grin.  Babies love it.  Happy cuddling.



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Mirandac


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Can you stay at a hotel/motel nearby? I use to do that with my
Mother after it became uncomfortable to stay with her. Someimes
I would stay with a sibling if it was a holiday.

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Jerry F


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Very memorable post (((Lin))).  It reminded me of growth lessons at the knee of a very very special sponsor.  The lesson was getting in and staying "balance" which also included lessons on fear which have continued for 30 years with my HP.

Balance in the face of "what iffing"...I came to understand in the lessons that I could not foretell the future and didn't really have a useful crystal ball and I needed to get out of the confusion and fear which came with and supported my "what iffing".  He gave me a simple perspective on balance.  "To maintain balance; for each "what if" expectation you are entertaining...entertain a "What if not".  What will you do and how will you respond to the "What if" then how will you respond to the "What if not"?   The in between behavior was not to project outcomes and attempt to predict.  The in between part was to kill my expectations.

Of course my initial reaction was to resist this lesson because it was so opposite of how I use to live within the disease which I had learned and practiced all my life and so I continued asking "So what if she does this or that"?  and he gave me a question to take with myself when ever I was so very certain how a thing would turn out without having evidence.      "Could you be wrong"?     I dared not answer that question with a no...I am not God and am not perfect...I cannot foretell the future accurately and my crystal ball doesn't work.

Ask yourself some "What if not" questions and then ask "What will I do when it doesn't come about as I fear"  

My acronym for fear today is "False    Evidence    Appearing    Real"  My head is drawing up scenarios which are not real and I am accepting them as if they are without proof.   

Instead Trust God and...the program...our program and leave your program back home in the closet.

In support (((((hugs))))) smile



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el-cee


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What about booking into a hotel so that you can dip in and out when it suits yourself. An escape plan is always good and if it gets too much then you can make your excuses and retreat. I know you will work it out.x



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Cathyinaz


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I know where your coming from and I pray you will be OK. My son doesn't have a program but is forced to be sober so I can only be prepared when he gets out in 2016. Will I overcome it or will I fall...

Go be with the grandbaby and if anything comes up just politely find your way home again. No words are needed....just kindness and love.

((( hugs )))


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
Debilyn


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Stop them. One day at a time, take things as they come. treasure the good you have. hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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