The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Means to me that I have a responsibility to pass on what I have been given. Its a fellowship of equals so people give and get. How have you, or do you pass it on? And what do you get in return? Has it ever went wrong?
-- Edited by el-cee on Saturday 6th of December 2014 06:41:31 AM
Hi el-cee. Lately, I have really felt the need to pay it forward. When ever I talk with anyone who is having problems of any kind, (this is in life other than dealing with alcoholism) I pass on the Al-anon slogans. Most often I'm passing on the "one day at a time" or let go and let God. Every time I have used these slogans, the person with whom I'm using the is most appreciative. Recently, I've been passing out Al-Anon literature to doctors' offices. I consider this my way of battling the effects of alcoholism. It gives me a feeling of power.
Thanks for posting this.
It works if you work it.
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Me too cloudy, the language of alanon is much more part of my vocab and sometimes people really get the slogans. I feel that im talking through someone elses hp sometimes and im able to say just what someone needs to hear at times. Its surreal at times, humbling. Its a powerful program.
Although I don't believe I am responsible for passing on what I've learned, I do it because it helps me practice what I've learned and it helps me learn more. I've noticed in relationships that utilizing the tools I've learned in program helps me stay in my business and out of the business of others much more readily than I was able to do in the early years of practicing program. I've noticed in familial relationships that there is a pushback maneuver of sibs and children for me to play my role which isn't so much anything going wrong as it is normal reaction to a change I wasn't given "permission" to effect. Knowing that their reactions are none of my business has been a big help as has my sponsors' guidance on how to handle myself in relationship to them. I've also experienced that push back by peers and sometimes co-workers and the program has helped me weather those "storms," too. One of the best experiences I've had in relationship to someone who was affected by our disease and didn't know it was with a co-worker who saw themselves to be above it all and in the driver's seat when it came to everyone around them. When two of this co-worker's adult children got in trouble with addictions/alcoholism that all changed and the help s/he knew I was receiving and giving in Al-Anon became the help s/he went for, too. I carried the message for years with this person but had no expectations when it came to seeking help by them. I could see they were affected by the disease but they didn't know it. Their "not knowing it" was none of my business. Utilizing my tools in relationship to them was my business. When a crisis hit, the person knew exactly what to do to get help for themselves and thanked me later for teaching them so much about having an adult child with this disease and showing them where to go get help. Of course, I didn't know their adult children would get in trouble with the disease. I just knew that the co-worker showed symptoms of what ails us until we get help in the program.
Great question LC, since the 12th step suggests that we practice these principles in all our affairs, I try to do that each and every day with every interaction that comes my way. I do believe that it is a gift of this program to be able to pass it on, with no strings attached in this fellowship of equals. I must remember that Tradition 11 cautions us that " attraction not promotion" is the way to offer alanon to others .
I sponsor several people, post here and attend two meetings week. I also believe that any share at an Al-Anon meeting should include positive experience ,strength and hope in that way the message is passed on as well.
I feel that I can not pass to much on because I don't follow the program completely. I don't have a sponsor and don't go to that many meetings that I think I should attend. I do tend and have learned much though. Because of this sure to fail but I will keep trying.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
We just talked about this in our meeting last night as we were going over step 12: practice these principles in all our affairs. For me, that means being willing to help others in program, sharing program slogans, and being of service as well. As Grateful said, we use our tools in relationships with others and that also allows us to 'pass it on' by being less judgemental, by being less argumentative, by now practicing the 'how important is it' slogan, etc. As I apply these tools to my life, I can see how daily practice of program has helped me help others in various ways.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Sponsorship! I've heard the phrase 'you can't keep what you don't give away', and for me that means sponsoring others as I was sponsored. The rewards in that are incredible. I've learned more by sponsoring also, it just enriches what I had already learned and helped me look at things in a different way also! Helps keep me learning and practicing my program. When I did the steps and traditions first, I was looking at it from a purely selfish (me - oriented) way. When I go over them with a sponsee, I am looking at them in another way. How do these steps/traditions work in ALL manners of life? For me, for my sponsee, for the group, for life experiences. As for it going wrong, I would imagine that only would happen if I were trying to direct or control how another worked this program. I'm not there to do that, I'm there to share my own experience, how I worked it, what I've learned. To listen and discuss, not to tell you what to do. To ask questions that help you think and look at something in a different way, a fuller way. To encourage meeting attendance and group service. Thanks for the question!
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Sometimes I will say..."I will not ever not be a therapist" lol. And then in recovery I learned that Al-Anon is "social model" therapy meaning one affected person helping another affected person and how we do that is not only sharing the what happened and also what we found out and how our life is going today. This morning's Super Saturday AFG in Hilo was on the 12th step using our Steps and Traditions work book. Reading the book we get the wisdom from the program and reading the stories we get the wisdom and experiences from the fellowship.
At the close of each of our meetings we recite the Al-Anon Declaration which say, "When ever someone reaches out for help we want the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen to always be there and for that ... We are responsible".
The 12th step says "Having had a spiritual awakening...as a result of these steps we TRY TO CARRY this message to others and ...practice these principles in all our affairs". I know the slogans and philosophy of "giving it away" both from the point of receivership and also from the shoes of being a sponsor, discussion/ESH contributor, meeting secretary, public information servant and public servant speaker. As it has been said it is more privilege than requirement and is always done with the deepest of gratitude's. Surprise surprise that when we got home from the meeting and were doing some "stuff" reduction my wife uncovered a folder that has sat on the bottom of a box since 1993. 1993 is the year I came back home from central valley CA and only one of the pieces of my life that I left back there was the service I did in the public school districts as a group facilitator for students who were seeking help from behavioral problems...from bad grades thru drug and alcohol abuse and addictions to suicide ideation and family dysfunction and more. Every Friday for 4 years we did "group" with from 17 to 21 regular...self/voluntarily members who had the opportunity to sponsor others in the group that they wanted to experience what they were learning. The dynamics were very affecting and quite often we extended by choice beyond the 1 hours allotted time. I was once asked by the school counselor who I requested be there, "How do you do what you do"? and though I kept the program anonymous I let him know that "I came from where these teens are now. I know what they think and how they feel and I know confusion, concern, anxiety and fear and I know solutions". The folder contained letters of gratitude, all heart felt and as I read them again I cried because the emotions of coming from loosing and arriving at self confidence and winning solutions is still what it is all about. I gave away my program as I learned it in Al-Anon without even mentioning Al-Anon and when I left...the last Friday when I wanted to just go in, give hugs and then leave they all told me "You cannot leave Jerry F until we have had our meeting so we had their meeting and then they sent me off with a message board of Aloha and gratitude sent into the sky with large helium balloons.
That would have never happened without my Al-Anon membership...not ever. What I witnessed as a result of "giving it away"...the miracles created by young people within their lives and the lives of other young people will stay with me forever. "Thank you God" that I could have been a part of that and deeply affected by the program working. Practice these principles in all our affairs and smile at the miracles that come back. This works when you work it. Thanks for letting me share. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 6th of December 2014 10:13:41 PM
On the subject of the Al-Anon declaration - only one of my groups uses that in our meeting. It isn't something that has been adopted by our membership in each of our groups in my locale. I have to say that I feel myself bristle at the words of it because it feels forced to me and it appears that the various groups except for the one in our area have agreed not to use it. We do implement the 12th Step, but the declaration is not discussed or repeated. It feels like a role being assigned to me that I have not agreed to accept. I wonder if others utilize the declaration in their groups overall? Is that used in all your groups, Jerry, or just the Super Saturday Group? Elcee, do all your groups utilize it?
It is universal here C in both programs. The declaration fits nicely in our meetings also because of our Hawaiian culture of Aloha (generosity of spirit...love...etc.), Malama (care taking of people, places and things put in our life by the creator) and more. We have no fear or reluctance at reaching out to others on many levels; within the program itself or other public levels. I also do public information taking the literature out and when available talking to professionals. I've even authored legislation which hasn't gone anywhere because politicians are well...politicians. We are free to work the program...totally free to work it at whatever level we want and as we are qualified. I am not qualified because of dual membership on several levels and then HP still points directions elsewhere. I get to take it personal by choice rather than not. (((((hugs)))))
So, the Alanon Declaration is used universally in your locale. Interesting the differences from group to group. Thanks, Jerry. I can see how it would be welcome to you. For me, a person who has taken on way too much responsibility in my lifetime, to be told and to promote that it is my responsibility as a member of the fellowship to "be there..." would result in me not giving from generosity of spirit or love but from a sense of duty that would get in the way of that which is generous within me. If it would be an expectation of Al-Anon that I adopt that as a way of thinking or speaking, I would also leave Al-Anon as a member because it wouldn't be in keeping with doing what I do because I want to share my e/s/h with the program - not because a declaration states I am responsible for carrying the message or being there anytime...
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 6th of December 2014 11:19:20 PM
Been there and done that and thought that and felt that also. Things happen though and some things that happened for me resulted in paradigm changes and I came to understand that my Higher Power answers prayer even if I don't like what or how. Know that prayer on the back of the Just For Today pamphlet? It starts out Lord make me an instrument of thy peace and the first time I started to read that I threw it down with a "uh uh, ain't even gonna go there. It's not a good prayer for an enabler to say" and so I didn't...it scared the crap out of me. In a bit more time I wondered if the fellowship said that prayer before they came to my aid and then the fear went away. In the future from that on another occasion I was whining out loud about doing service to Alateen while driving to a group and as I entered the highway leading to the site a steady signal came over my car radio very loudly and before I could turn it off a voice said...."This is a test...this is only a test" so just for that day I did the group and honestly I didn't ever have to do much because the teens in our area ran their own meetings. Not long after that I was visiting clients and got to an office where it was only the secretary and I...she picked up a phone call and got flustered in listening and then handed me the phone saying "I think this is for you". She knew nothing about me and no one knew where I was at that time. I put the phone to my ear and it was a drunk who was drunk and so I took it privately. I was in Al-Anon only at this time and so the conversation got to the point where I asked him "what would you do to get sober"? and then he asked me "will you drive me"? He didn't know I was in Al-Anon and I didn't yet assess as being alcoholic myself. Anyway I agreed to drive him to the half-way detox shelter and left that office with a mind set that I wouldn't do it because.... I conversed with my HP who suggested I get on the freeway and down to where this guy lived...called "sin city". I decided instead to call the head of the AA central so they could send someone else at which suggestion I was asked "Why"? I told him I was an Al-Anon member. He reminded me that we knew each other for a long time and he knew my program and then he said, "Whoever told you that an Al-Anon cannot 12 step a drunk?. Okay long story short I went and the guy was grateful that AA sent a member to help him and he understood that I would not take him to detox after first taking him to go get a pint. There have been many more times when I wasn't intending and yet I was ready. Ours is a program of suggestion only. I haven't always said yes and I have never been told no. Often times when I have been willing someone else...another member or other instrument has done the trip. It's okay cause it works that way all the time and not always within the scope of the program.
When I wake up and get up in the morning I know I am being abided by...I know my HP is there all the time...God is...so I simply say, "place me where you want me...tell me what to do", and then the journey starts anew.
You do a ton of service on MIP since you have arrived to this family. I doubt that I have ever seen you not reach out your hand to help me and others. You've done it willingly as if for me you were following the declaration. Just for me. I don't see a difference between the hand of Catherine and Al-Anon. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 7th of December 2014 12:10:33 AM
Smile. You know you can always make me smile. I love being of service in this way and in my groups and elsewhere too. I know you do, too. I also love reading your HP'd stories. That's what makes the program work for me - seeing that unconditional movement of love and generosity at work in others. It's not my responsibility to see it or to do it and I love that I do see it and experience it, too. It's such a gift to be a part of it all. Love you, brother. (((J)))
Our declaration at one of my meetings is "whenever someone reaches out for help, let the hand of AlAnon and Alateen always be there...and let it begin with me." Keep coming back cuz it works if you work it, so work it cuz you're worth it!!"I prefer this over the "our Father" prayer...that brings to much religion in it for me.
Thank you for your replys everyone. It is interesting how groups are autonomous and I interpret the principles and traditions in different ways. Im a bit like you grateful, the word responsibility has me running for the hills due to how distorted my thought processes were fir many years. Poor word choice. Im asked to give it away, I think mainly through my own attitude and living my program, like hotrod says attraction rather than promotion. Its a gentle program and so when we give it away we also get, like sponsorship.
Someone at my meeting said to another member who was attending meetings sporadically, that they were needed at meetings and it was implied that its wrong to just take what you need to recover and then leave so not passing it on to newcomers. I dont know how I feel about this to be honest, I felt the member had no right to judge the other and it was taking her inventory on behalf of the group. Im not sure.
It has got me thinking about my own committment to the program. I am committed and the passing it on bit for me is kind of accidental in that I dont really go out my way to pass it on. I try hard to live it so it does pass on but I have urges to pass it on more formally in my community and I think it will come to that for me when I feel ready.
I had a weird experience at work with a colleague when a simple conversation about mothering ended up a 2 hr conversation where I gave away my anonymity and the colleague revealled her parents were alcoho, ics and she has suffered depression her whole life. She cried and I offered to take her to my meeting. She said some things that blew me away, like I was meant to hear this today and she hugged me and was really grateful. I was taken aback because it was like seeing the power of alanon from a brand new perspective, also, I felt like ive read where I was just the person her hier power chose to talk through, weirdly detached.
Im not sure about declarations, we read the preamble in the book and the closing and we all stand and say the serenity prayer at the end. Ours is very gentle and I dont think we even mention the word responsibility, there is no pressure for anyone and its all got an organic feel to it.
So, your group doesn't use it either. Most of our groups utilize the Serenity Prayer, the usual preamble, announcements, the meeting and then whatever the facilitator for the meeting suggests after the reading of the closing which is normally either the Serenity Prayer or the Lord's Prayer and then an Al-Anon idea like "Keep coming back. It works if you work it and let it begin with me." In the one group I attend where the Al-Anon Declaration is also utilized, I stand silent. I won't say it or use it.
I love your example of practicing a 12th Step. She was open to the message and ready to act on it when you were open to share it. I think that is one of the best ways to practice the 12th Step. To be available and accessible and willing to share what Al-Anon has done for you in both word and deed.
I don't know. It isn't in our literature unless its in a new publication? The one group that uses it has a pre-printed card with the words on it that goes out with the what you hear here, who you see here, let it stay here. I went to the WSO site last night and put Alanon Declaration into the search engine but nothing came up. I also read group business, etc and it wasn't written on any of the pages I read.
Maybe its something written more locally and groups had a choice to take it on board.
At our last group rep meeting we were given a statement that was produced and we were asked to show it our group and if we all decided we wanted to read it we could. It was a statement about progress not being a rushed thing and how people can take as long as they like getting a sponsor and workjng the steps. It was quite nice really and a message for newcomers. We decided at our group cconsciousness meeting to read it out.
Ive never heard a declaration before nor read it. Maybe you could raise it at your group consciousness grateful.x
Interesting discussion!! As for the Declaration, ALL my Groups have the Declaration on the table and it is stated in our closings as well.
I have always considered this a message for the "Group" as a whole and not the individuals in the group. As I hear it it states that it is important to maintain the groups and meetings so the hand of alanon should be there.
The Traditions state that our PR policies are based on attraction and not promotion and the Steps, as has been noted, suggest that we try to practice these principles in all our affairs.
There is a reading in the ODAT that states no one owes anything to alanon . That after receiving help they are free to leave and not give back. The only reason we share and our ESH is so we continue to grow.
As for practicing alanon principles in all my affairs I certainly do strive to do just this, as I believe the principles are universal applicable to all philosophies and beliefs.
Oh I think I know what your talking about, we have cards on the table with informatiin and the who you see here card. I will look next time.
I agree hotrod, it changes the motives of the program if we are expected to give back, it would have put me off in the beginning if I was expected to go the full journey and forever really. It is too much to expect in the beginning.
I do feel that the giving back is built into the steps though I understand not everyone does them. For me it is a forever program, again, I can see its not that way for everyone. Sometimes, I think that if everyone only dipped in and out then it wouldnt survive as a fellowship. My meeting has about 15 members who are diehards, others come and go but these members are getting on a bit and it wont be that way forever, then what happens if future generations come looking and in need? Are there going to be enough peolle who stick it out to pass it on? It does worry me a bit.
Here is the statement and again I believe this is at the group level. LC the Traditions confirm that HP is in control of the groups and maintaining them in a healthy manner . :)
Al-Anon Declaration
Let It Begin With Me.
When anyone, anywhere,
reaches out for help - let the hand of
Al-Anon and Alateen always be there, and
Let It Begin With Me.
Means to me that I have a responsibility to pass on what I have been given. Its a fellowship of equals so people give and get. How have you, or do you pass it on? And what do you get in return? Has it ever went wrong?
-- Edited by el-cee on Saturday 6th of December 2014 06:41:31 AM
hey LC...i just try to set a good example...I try to use the "attraction" method..when folks see me living better and they want to know how i did/am doing it, i say good old alanon has done this for me.....w/out it i would be the same old sick mess....as to what do i get in return?? well, the best gift is seeing me improve...whether or not they get into alanon is their choice, but my "return" is that i am ABLE, now to do the 12th step and my own progress........as to anything going wrong??? i would say that folks who see me progressing and they still stay stuck, i just figure they are not ready....the worst "going wrong" for me was when my own family attacked and tried to sabotage my recovery w/ put downs, vicious attacks, but the "went wrong" is their problem, not mine......if i go back to sick habits/relapse then i have to dig deeper and work on that issue till i find out its roots so i can dump the bad habit.........nice question....hope my take made sense...
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
"The courage to change the things I can"...I hear those words in the Declaration. Don T once told me "how do you know if you can or cannot...if you don't try" and then I started having "weird" experiences like you el-cee where we give away the message just because we have one and someone's perspective gets changed. I use to shy away from the helping because I was afraid that I would get the same outcome and journey as I had with my alcoholic/addict wife. I felt like I would be "re-upping" for another tour on the battle field of insanity. It isn't that way because of detaching and letting go of the outcomes. HP has it when I'm done doing HP's will. I believe that it is HP's will that those who have found the solutions give them away for free. ((((Hugs))))
One thing I find myself doing, when I state or enforce a boundary now is attach a version of a slogan to it. For example my brother sent me a message recently asking why I wasn't responding to my sister who was trying to have it out with me over things that were none of her business. I responded to him with "I don't have to attend every argument am invited to, do I?" "Well she thinks you are weak and blah blah"..."well what she thinks of me is none of my business"
So I realised I do this a LOT whenever I am "having boundaries"with people I care about, not on purpose, it's just how I respond.
So i read this thread and my initial thought was a guilty 'well, I give nothing back, I am a crappy al-anoner" and then later I thought hang on, I actually do try to pass it on, whenever there is conflict and I use al-anon I offer the tool I am using to that same person and I do that in a really sincere and loving way because I know the people around me are all suffering from afflictions of the same disease as I do and maybe in those moments those slogans and al-anonisms just might make a difference and give them an empowering new way to look at things. So in my response when I firmly and lovingly say "no I will not do what you are demanding, please get knotted" I also give them the very piece of wisdom I have drawn upon in order to be able to do that...
I don't know if it has backfired because I don't let the conversations go on beyond the point of stating my boundary...so maybe they are angry afterwards but that's none of my business...lol
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
