The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi! things have been so crazy busy here but I am able to come and read every once in a while and it always seems to be what I need to hear! I am so thankful for ya'll and this board. I have not been working my program lately because I am as stubborn and in denial as my AH and let's face it, it's way easier to backslide and be bitter than work at it BUT I acknowledge this and if I am going to go on, I have to get serious about my program because I'm pretty darned bitter!
My current struggle is with my AH's hypocrisy. He really sees his life differently than I see it - in his eyes he's pretty darned perfect! I really don't think he will ever get better because I don't think he will ever actually recognize that he does in fact have an illness. He showed up to work at a school function at 10 in the morning wreaking of alcohol and really believes no one notices...how do I not get embarrassed about this? I'm at my wits end. I just need to work on me - why is it so darned hard?!
That's a good question! Why is it so darned hard to work on ourselves - especially when the benefits of working this program can deliver us from so much yuck? I know why it was hard for me. But maybe there's a different reason its hard for you? Asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference is a big help for me. Maybe it can help you, too?
Thank you for your post and honesty, I did need to be reminded to ask God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference!! I too am having difficulty today and do come back to MIP for encouragement and reminders when I am under stress.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Hi Fairlee, you are so right, it's easy to backslide and be bitter. This is part of the insanity of living with alcoholism. And the insanity is we keep beating our heads against a brick wall thinking something is going to change. You cannot change your ah. You did not cause him to drink, you can't control it and your can't cure it. Why waste your strength struggling with something with which you have no power. Focus on you.
I love what Grateful said. "Why is it so darned hard to work on ourselves - especially when the benefits of working this program can deliver us from so much yuck?"
Before my HP led me to Al-Anon, I didn't know how to work on myself. Now with my Al-Anon tool box, I found a better way to live. You can too.
Keep going to F2F Al-Anon meetings.
Take one day at a time, and hang in there.
Let go and let God take care of you ah. You focus on taking care of you.
((Fairlee))
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Fairlee...you're a newbie. When I was a newbie I was stuck hard for a long time and said the same stuff you have said here. Only one of the things that helped me get a jolt start was the definition of insanity...doing the same stuff over and over again just expecting different results. I got nothing from "just expecting" and then that was followed by "the program works when you work it" and I had to chew on that one for a while also cause I had no experience working "it". I didn't know what "it" was cause I was brain dead. A home group, 90 meetings in 90 days, a sponsor and then I started to get "it"..."Keep coming back" and I was good to go. Gleaning...I like that word. Gleaning helped me "get it" also. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
Fairlee wrote:.how do I not get embarrassed about this? I'm at my wits end. I just need to work on me - why is it so darned hard?!
I would say fear...fear of change, even if it is good..that is what it was for me...i was afraid...alanon was my last ditch effort to even want to try life...i had pretty much had it w/life and all the suffering, so alanon scared me b/c i thought "what if it does't work???" well??? the overwhelming numbers of successful alanoners told me that this HAS to work...IF i work it.....once i jumped in and got acquainted w/healthy people i thought "oh man!! wish i had done this earlier" but its never too late....we are afraid when we don't know what to expect...i, at least, had to know all the ins and outs to feel safe, alanon is a day by day proposition and this february, i will be in recovery 13 years, and looking back, i wish to high heavens i had found alanon sooner and worked on me sooner.....life still is hard, but its not the drama and chaos it used to be.....i have HOPE now...In me....I have changed so life has changed for the better...mentally and emotionally and with making better choices now, there is hope i can have a LIFE that is livable.......
You can do this...when u r ready, when u r sick of the dysfunctional way of life, when you are ready to take your life back, you CAN and you WILL do this....its just deciding "hey its MY turn now" and going for it.....sending you support...AND, I see you are new...sometimes it takes a bit to get in the swing of it.....its just a matter of desire, being ready and then going for it......going to the meets helped me SEE that "hey I want the peace of mind that those folks have" IN SUPPORT
-- Edited by neshema2 on Friday 5th of December 2014 09:16:03 PM
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
