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A man I know has just died of alcoholism a couple of days ago. I didnt know the man very well, I know his daughter, who is my daughters friend. His life has been going down the pan for years now. His mother was an alcoholic, his siblings are alcoholics, his other daughter is an alcoholic. He was only in his early 50s. Him and his wife split up a few years ago, then he lost his job and its been really bad for a couple of years now. He was taken to hospital with chronic liver damage and his bowels ruptured. He was too weak to be operated on and he was confused and upset. What upset me was how he was treated by the nurses, he was told to behave and he was a grown man and should be able to control himself.
I just think, what an awaful, hateful, spiteful disease, so destructive. I mean in the last few hours of his life he wasnt shown compassion. Im glad for his family, the torture has ended and he has peace now. Im going to get his daughter a newcomers pack and ask her to come to meetings with me. Il wait until the time is right. So grateful alanon exists, I mean this young girl can still have a good life, she doesnt have to play out this life all her life, she can break it for herself and her future children. Its heartbreaking.x
I'm sorry for your loss. My question is, were you there to observe the nurses' behavior? I am a nurse. I know sometimes people perceive our actions as being mean, when we are just trying to help the patient and keep them safe. If the nurses behavior is second hand information, I would take it with a grain of salt. Do you know if he was combative and trying to hit the nurses? Nurses are often physically assaulted. This is all speculation on my part, or course, but I wanted to paint a different light considering I am in the profession and it can be very dangerous, physically and emotionally.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 2nd of December 2014 05:52:10 PM
Didnt mean to make this about nurses. Im not daft enough to think they are all like that, some are bad and some are good like in every profession. I can only imagine how difficult the job must be but however this man was treated was enough to upset his daughter.
I've worked in hospitals, paid claims, worked as a medical transcriptionist in doctors' offices and hospitals and acted as an advocate for patients in hospitals and been a patient myself. I know there are some nurses who are good at what they do and some who need to find another work to do. I've had to call in supervisors on nurses who did mistreat my father, my son, my brother and my daughter and demand the nurses be removed from the care of my loved ones. I've also been in the room with nurses who helped save my Mom's life following a too high dosage of drugs administered that were ordered by a physician and took care of me following multiple surgeries who I trusted so much they could do any unpleasant thing and I wouldn't have resisted them; or who showed care for other friends and family members that was above and beyond the call of duty.
I believe what you are saying based on my own experiences, elcee, and I'm sorry this man was not treated well by these nurses. There are physicians who are also bad at patient care as I experienced working in hospitals and as a patient and as a patient advocate. Unfortunately, there are those people in every profession that leave a bad taste in folks' mouths and there are those unsung heroes who treat people like people whether family members are there with them or not. Sad situation here and thank heaven he will experience peace as you've said. Many prayers for his family and for you, too. I can tell how much you care about them all.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 2nd of December 2014 06:17:44 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 2nd of December 2014 06:18:18 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 2nd of December 2014 06:41:32 PM
Thanks grateful, for your interpretation, I was doubting myself there. I wouldnt delibrately attack a profession that I have a lot of respect for. I have a good friend who worked in a ward for alcoholics and she was a compassionate nurse, she used to talk about the horrors suffered by these people and she would get upset about the young ones in their 20s and 30s.
It just brought it home to me how widespread alcoholism is and to see it from another angle, not inside my own family, thats whats struck me. Ive developed compassion and to see another family for 3 generations repeating over and over, its sad.
It is sad, elcee. Then, somebody like elcee comes in on the scene and she has Al-Anon packets in her hand and extends an invitation to a family member torn up by the horrors of this disease and the loss of her loved one. There is darkness and then there is light. You're the light in this situation, sister.
I just think, what an awaful, hateful, spiteful disease, so destructive. I mean in the last few hours of his life he wasnt shown compassion. Im glad for his family, the torture has ended and he has peace now. Im going to get his daughter a newcomers pack and ask her to come to meetings with me. Il wait until the time is right. So grateful alanon exists, I mean this young girl can still have a good life, she doesnt have to play out this life all her life, she can break it for herself and her future children. Its heartbreaking.x
OMG, that is horrible, the way the nurses treated him,...they guy was DYING......just awful and i agree with you, LC, I am glad he isn't suffering anymore too.....the buck can stop w/this daughter.....I respect you for reaching out to her...I hope she takes the invitation....I am the only one in a family i had to nearly 100% let go of b/c of this disease, either dry drunks or wet drunks or just impacted and messed up by it, I got into recovery, I stopped the passage of this through me.....what the others are doing isn't my business but i am grateful as hell, i got into alanon and stopped the insanity w/ me........you're a good soul, LC.....your HP is happy w/you......glad u r here
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My daughter gave her the hope for today book that I gave my daughter so theyve been talking so il bide my time and hopefully get her in. Thats given me a bit of hope for my own daughter because she obviously has put some value on alanon and im hopeful she will join one day too. They are just a bit young though. I dont know if alanon needs a certain amount of maturity for people to stick at it. Yet, I think, imagine the life young people could have if they got the tools early, before they have families. Such a gift.x
I worked in the medical field as a therapist and administrator for over 30 years, having experience with nurses, doctors, aides and many other professions. I have also experienced care as a patient and family member of loved ones. I have seen mistreatment and unbridled compassion by all levels of professional care. I have witnessed the kind of care you speak of elcee, it does happen and it is heartbreaking. I am sorry this has happened and I love your heart.
Ive got to be careful though. I can be like a bull in a china shop, so easy does it I think. I will give her the starter pack with a wee note and leave it there. If I was being completely me I would drag her to a meeting and put her off for life, lol. Wish that worked.
And too from our own experiences the disease can try the patience of a saint and make the devil smile. "Alcoholism affect everyone it comes into contact with..." from the definition of alcoholism.
I wonder if the cause of death is recorded as alcolism when a person dies like this or is it heart failure or something else? Its just that its amazing that governments arent doing more about this. In scotland we are way above the uk average but in terms of investment compared with say obesity it doesnt compare. Why is this? Do governments bend to the alcohol companies or take money from them?
