The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions,from depression to fear to sadness ,and feeling angry.I think about my life and the challenges I face and I feel frightened and small.But when I was with my ex I was super responsible,made sure the bills were paid,hid money,had all kinds of plans, I did everything really.He really didn't contribute much to the relationship, so why now do I feel so overwhelmed and feel like I am unable to take care of myself?I want to stop feeling this doubt.I think it is keeping me from pursuing things that would benefit me!I have written it down on paper,but I need to feel it,to believe it!I can't believe how much I really did manage when I look at the chaos I was in,but deciding what to do for me, I feel blank.Anyone relate to this one and how did you overcome it.
Mary it is all a process. Remember you are grieving the loss of a relationship and attempting to embark on a new life. Alanon tools will help but it cannot be rushed.
One day at a time, I found I became stronger and less frightened. By reading alanon literature, reciting the serenity prayer, staying in the moment , I was able to show up with more courage and serenity .
Meetings, slogans,and a sponsor all helped in the process. Remember to stay in the day, stop judging yourself, and do not get to hungry, angry, lonely or tired and this too will pass
I relate to it. When you are on your own once again, it feels like there is nobody else to either blame things on if they go wrong or help to make them better (even if it's just to act as a buffer/distraction). Hence, I recall feeling like, if I failed, it was all on me and it was scary. In retrospect, I was never failing and it was wasted anxiety and I needed to improve on dealing with what was in front of me on a 24 hour basis rather than obsess about the future.
Mary be gentle with yourself. Your brain can only do so much at once especially
When you are going thru emotional turmoil. I still grieve and can't focus on much
Outside of what really needs to get done in my day. i have so many projects that
Need my attention but i am a higher priority Right now.I need to take care of me
First!
I know for me my wife's errrratic behavior was a wonderful distraction from making plans for me or for my family. It gave me excuses for things I didn't get done. Now with sobriety in the house it becomes glaringly obvious when i don't get things done, and sometimes it's pretty overwhelming.
Perhaps the "why" questions really have no answers? I've learned to ask more "what now?" Feeling overwhelmed and uncertain can often stem from trying to peer into the future which none of us can really see or predict. Just staying in the day and doing the next right thing even if that is just to make a good meal for yourself or taking a shower can demonstrate your ability to take care of yourself. You have a place to live, a daughter and sister who love you, food to eat, a cat to care for daily and was able to recover from the flu and appreciate your daughter's ability to treat you to her culinary ability which she may have learned from you? You're doing fine. Keep taking good care of yourself today. Yesterday is behind you. The future can hold many fun surprises and gifts for you. Today is all you have and you have what you need today from what you've written?
I wonder sometimes if part of why I have been involved with/married to alcoholics is because it is the only way I seem to be able to force myself to take care of all the responsibilities I have in life.
It seems that when I am taking care of them I can get everything handled, but when I am taking care of myself alone I have no motivation to do those same things. I don't know if it is a martyr or super hero complex that I have or what.
I will say that I identify with what glad said about faking it until I make it. I know what I have to do generally, I just have to chose to do it whether I am motivated or not, and I choose to be gentle with myself even if I haven't done everything that I "should" do. Walking forward one step at a time, doing those things I need to do one after another is the only way I have been able to forge ahead.
I relate, i felt like someone had removed half my brain when I left my ex. What he thought became what I thought. I totally lost myself. This too shall pass. From my experience, learning the alanon way to think meant my life has gotten better beyond anything I could have imagined. Keep working it, it pays off pretty quickly.
