In Recovery, Need to Learn Coping Skills Living with another Alcoholic - Al-Anon Family Group

lc1886 · Newbie

In Recovery, Need to Learn Coping Skills Living with another Alcoholic

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome LC I am glad that you reached out and connected. Thank you for your honesty and congratulations on your over 2 year in sobriety.

Maintaining sobriety alone is a difficult process and AA is powerful worldwide organization that can help maintain this sobriety and it also offers constructive tools to help change attitudes that once only acted and reacted in a negative fashion .

For your information the AMA has designated alcoholism as a progressive, chronic , fatal disease that can be arrested and never cured. AA is a powerful resource in helping the alcoholic stay sober.

Al-Anon is the recovery program for family members who have lived with the insanity of alcoholism. You qualify for both and can be known as a "Double Winner"There are face-to-face meetings held all over the world and I urge you to search out such meetings and attend.

In essence we strive to live our lives, focused on ourselves, one day at a time trusting a god of our understanding and supporting each other as we grow in self esteem. You are not alone and there is hope and help. Please keep coming back

We also have on line meetings here two times a day and I suggest that you relax, take some deep breaths , and try to attend . To logon go to www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html
Here is the schedule

Morning Meetings

Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST

Sat. - Sun at 10am EST

Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.

Night Meetings

Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time

Sunday 7PM eastern time

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha lc and welcome to the board...you entered the right door for those who have been or are being affected by someone else's drinking. I am also a double who went 9 years alcohol free in Al-Anon and then was led into and thru the doors of AA. Staying alcohol free only doesn't make it for me so I had to sit with others who knew and knew that they knew was the "under the influence" side was all about. I was married to an alcoholic/addict before program and an addict before that one and I didn't know about my own compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body and behavior until I took my own assessment and had it investigated by the Rehab I counseled in. LOL get that? I hated AA and resisted ever attempting to say my name is Jerry F and I am alcoholic. Not me. Yet was got me here attached to my Higher Power was my wife who's drinking and using owned me and every waking hour I spent on the face of the earth during our marriage...she didn't drink like me and wished she could. She didn't behave like me and didn't care. She didn't care about how I was affected and drank and used and did all the other things alcoholics/addicts (including me) did while under the influence. I came to understand how she felt when my drinking victimize her and the family the way it did the only difference mostly was gender and age so I came to understand the AMA statement that alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with...I stopped drinking and found Al-Anon without an autopsy or just before one...my demise would have been self inflicted and it was always.

You're in the right place at the right time. Having the right attitude here is as very important as it is in the other room. For me attitude is about perception...how I see the picture. In Al-Anon and MIP and AA I get to nurture reality and right perception 24/7. By the grace of God I am on borrowed time and I plan to use it to the best of my ability and the support of others. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

aquamom23 · Senior Member

Glad you are here,love your honesty,keep coming back.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you are here too. There's no one right way to cope with an alcoholic. Mostly, what alanon will suggest is detachment and focusing on you. This means engaging in proper self care and engaging in life activities that benefit you and help increase your happiness, calm, peace, and that help you maintain individuality as well. If your entire life revolves around a sick alcoholic - you will stay sick even if you stopped drinking.

For me, when I got sober, I had to leave my alcoholic partner. There was no way I could continue to put up with drunkenness in my immediate vicinity and I did not get sober to be around drunks. That is just me though and my circumstances are probably not the same. Your choices belong to you. Keep coming back. I hope you are at least going to AA, even if you cannot find as much Alanon in your area. Usually AA is more prevalent.

lc1886 · Newbie

Thanks everyone.. I can work on the detachment aspect just as I did when he was away and neglecting us because of his drinking. It's tough now with the baby, she's extremely high needs and he makes her crazy, lol. They banter all the time. I find it nearly impossible just to brush my hair each day, none the less engaging in proper self care or positive life activities. My new life in my new country is so foreign to me too. So I just wait. Wait. In time with the right attitude things will improve.. right? lol

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

When living with the disease of alcoholism, it is very important to reach out for the support that is necessary to break the isolation that is the result of coping with the disease. I too thought that I could handle it , it would get better if I just could develop better skills. That was partially true but I found I really needed the support of others to truly recover and find hope once again.

Please search out meetings or keep coming back here You are not alone .

lc1886 · Newbie

I'll definitely give it some thought. I'm pretty uneasy about it though. When I quit drinking it was hell, I have permanent nerve damage from my alcohol abuse even. I never did AA, I had one friend at the time that quit drinking with me and that helped. But he didn't stick through with me and again I was on my own. I have a difficult time making personal connections and I knew that AA wouldn't be for me that it would push me back to drinking (especially hearing how the local meetings were, where I lived at the time the meetings were pretty well infiltrated with folks that were court ordered to be there and ready to have a good time, sneaking booze in and so forth.) Plus my mindset doesn't often seem to click with others that quit drinking) But maybe for Al-Anon it would be different for me. Right now I'm sick as can be and not sure about going on any out of town outings alone or with the baby (round the clock morning sickness, yuck) So for now this will have to do. Just a rambling again I suppose.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi lc,

Isolation seems like one of the fuels that sustains alcoholism and its collateral damage. It was that way for me. I was too embarrassed to admit my famiy had a problem, much of my pre-recovery denial was based on embarrassment and wanting to sweep it under the rug.

Once I got into Al Anon, that helped a lot. And my wife got into AA. She has some meetings that she likes more than others. Some of them truly are just like you describe, and she avoids those, but she also has others that truly nourish her spirit. It might be worth trying the AA in your area just to see if it is different. And keep coming back here!

Kenny

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.