keeping it real - Al-Anon Family Group

mjferg · Senior Member

keeping it real

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it took me around 5-6 months to start feeling better about not having nothing to do. I got depressed and sad all the time. My time was my own and I couldn't find a way to deal with it. I was so consumed with my son and his problems it was my full time job and when it went away I was just lost. Now I can say I have found all kinds of new things that consume my time.

Like all of us you need to find things to do that will keep you busy with your life so the sadness and depression will be kept at bay.

I could say it's not quite the same because your A is your husband and your alone....I'm not but it's something to think about.

((( hugs )))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

There is a time of mourning following any loss. It took me about 3 years to make a full transition from being a married woman to a single woman again. The first year was an emotional roller coaster for me. The second year was more of a trying new things on for size with less highs and lows. The third year in I reached total acceptance and no more grief. The longer we've been with someone, the longer the grief period with 3 years being about the average time it takes a spouse to fully grieve the ending of a marriage.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

It does take time, so please be gentle with yourself in the process. I remember hiding things- years later I still occasionally uncover something that I've forgotten I've hidden. Fill the void with good things- do things that make you feel good, eat nutritiously, exercise, learn something new.

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I got so incredibly depressed when I split with the alcoholic I cried all the time, even driving down the road or at the hair dresser or at church... it was so bad I didn't want to go into public, and this was when I was on some pretty strong anti depressants... but I knew for a fact my life was miserable with him.

In other words I knew he was horrible for me and made my life miserable but the pain was so bad without him it was almost unbearable..

So I realized I was addicted to him not in love with him. It took about 3 years to feel "over it" there were good times and bad in those 3 years.

But 3 years is a short time compared to the value of feeling better and all the lessons I've learned and am still working to remember that help me with all my current relationships and loving myself.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

mjferg wrote:
I don't look at the big picture,only the fantasy of what I want things to be.So the reality of my situation was pretty bad,I remember hiding money,hiding car keys.When things were really ugly,I had to leave and stay at a relatives house for a couple of nights.The bill money was spent on drugs,so the water was shut off.Those are just a few of the things I went through.I should be happy,I shouldn't be depressed.I don't get it.I did all that and this seems so strange to just be with me.I feel like I may shatter into a million broken pieces.

Hey Mary, for me it was the IDEAL i missed...not the alcoholic , at least AH#1, i didn't miss, but #2, i did miss....the ideal of what "could have been---should have been" oh yea, I can relate to what you are saying here, big time.......then i would do a movie in my head all the drunken stupid things he did, standing me up when he got too drunk to come home so he had to crash at a friends house, all the messes he made being drunk.....then i snap to and realize that THAT is why we are not together anymore.......i know, it sucks, life can be brutal, but we can make it better w/healthier alanon work begetting better choices.....hang in there...u r not alone.......we are listening.............IN SUPPORT

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