I was able to take care of a large monkey and get that off my back .. very big deal .. paying the money out sucked!  Going into the new year .. AWESOME .. this was misstep in October/November.  I'm just sooo glad I was able to get this done at this point. 

Today was the open AA meeting and I really needed to be there and didn't really understand why until I got there.  First off sooooo good to see the people who are sticking around making their recovery a priority.  Second off, driving in to the meeting heard the funniest thing on the radio today. 

You are unique .. (wait for it) .. just like everyone else. 

I had a good giggle over that one.  It's soooo totally true.  I am unique and so is everyone else. 

I didn't realize they started a new book which trust me is amazing based upon how long it took us to get through the first book .. LOL!  Love it and I am going to buy a copy because it's an amazing read for my own spiritual recovery. 

The quote that struck me and trust me there were many .. was ..

"The fact I will daily question my willingness to change will increase my ability to be increasingly willing." 

OK .. I LOVE that quote sooo much I'm going to get it on a poster of some kind. 

Ohhh and the other part .. we talk about the 3 A's all the time .. Awareness, Acceptance and Action .. something this reading stated was Awareness, Acceptance and Surrender (action) .. I never thought about surrendering being a part of active action.  I know it's something I have to DO .. however .. thinking of it in terms of one of the 3 A's blew my mind big time. 

It was soooo fun listening to everyone else share about this, for once I didn't ramble and for once I felt like I had something to say.  My confidence level has definitely increased and it was just so nice to see everyone it has been a long time since I have been to an open meeting.  I plan on going next weekend as well, my Friday night was cancelled this week so this was a nice supplement to my normal routine. 

Anyway, the other thing that I thought about was my meaning of things in terms of the difference between humiliation and humility, .. I was struck by this statement above because of the difference between willfulness and willingness.  I am definitely willful which gets in the way of my willingness to work my recovery program.  I'm still going to call BS when I think it's BS because that's where I'm at and that's ok.  I do not follow anything without questioning, testing and trying.  I love being able to take what I like and leave the rest. 

It was just such an awesome time this AM and like I said .. people I hadn't seen in forever, new faces and a few old ones.  It's always good to see them. 

Other than that not much going on .. well .. LOL .. that's not true that's all I have time for .. it was just really really neat today. 

I have decided that steps 6 and 7 are like potty training .. my own thoughts .. when children are potty training and wear diapers everything is held close to them so the feeling of letting go and be thought of as looking a part of themselves.  It's a new sensation of falling so to speak.  After all if it's not all close then where is it going and are my insides falling out.  Letting go of character defects to me is a similar experience .. after all if I let go of this stuff .. who am I and will I like who I become .. because wouldn't that suck .. let go of a defect and not like myself.  That's my fear talking .. I know logically that won't be a true experience .. still it's a thought. 

Thanks for letting me share :)