The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't sleep late .. late for me has been 330AM LOL .. it's all ok .. when I do sleep I'm actually sleeping vs flailing around .. lol. It's solid hours in a row just not as many as I'd like. I crash early too so I'm sure that has something to do with it.
This is the first holiday's in our new place and I'm still as disorganized as all get out. I'm hoping to go through a few more things, get a tree up and clear some boxes out this weekend. We'll see. Hard to believe that Christmas is coming up fast.
This week I received a phone call from my shrink of all things asking me to speak with a client of his regarding atty's and my experiences regarding the court system. I made a new friend which is way cool .. funny enough .. she has my X's atty. I did ask her how she felt about jumping ship. At least her X can't get him .. LOL. It was a really nice compliment though and really does make me wonder the direction my life is headed at the moment. I'm going to let God sort that out.
Right now I'm just in a really good space, lol .. yes .. this too shall pass .. that's ok and I'm ok with it. I'm just trying to do the next right thing.
XAH is still crazy .. HA .. yes something's never do change .. LOL. I'm coming to more of an acceptance .. I still have hard boundaries like I said .. he's going to do what he's going to do .. honestly .. I'm ok with that provided the kids and I are not dragged into things.
I've got a few things going in terms of things I want to do, .. I think I'm having a midlife crisis .. LOL. I'm changing my hair color drastically and we aren't talking blonde or black .. I've decided I want a few more holes in my ears and there is a possibility of a tattoo. I haven't found the one I like and I have to decide if I can take the pain .. LOL! I have lived with some kind of A behavior for so long .. and put myself through so much what's a little prick here and there right?
Busy doesn't cut it .. boy do I mean that seriously .. I wish I could be two people it would make a huge difference. I'm very blessed many people have stepped up to offer help just in terms of being there for the kids and I. I mean emotionally, with rides here and there, it has taken a huge burden off of me.
Ever since the divorce I don't have as much anger .. although it would be nice if he would sign the damn decree at this rate we are not going to be divorced until next year. Boggles my mind is putting it mildly. It's how he thinks and it's just not my issue I have done what I am suppose to do. Supposedly the kids have insurance however .. I have yet to get any paperwork .. interesting how that happened when I said NO I'm not going on public aide. Not dating .. not interested .. I've got way to much healing to do yet. I'm still open to possibilities where a while ago I just wasn't at all. I just do not want what took me 3 years to get out of.
My level of acceptance is getting better, that is making things easier. I still do not accept bad behavior .. I can only respond to the bad behavior and leave the rest alone. I will continue to protect myself and the kids, and he keeps placing his hand in the mailbox he's going to get a rude awakening. 2nd offense is jail time and a felony .. I'm soooo done at this point.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
It was fun for me to read that you've been asked to share your experience with attorneys with another person and maybe gained a new friend? I've had those early morning awakening times which I once fought and have learned just to go with it. Next time I awaken at 3 or 4, I'll send up a little prayer for you and a wave in your direction.
This whole process has been such a LONG road .. so in that regard I'm grateful .. it actually needed to be this way. If it wasn't I would be so confused, stuck in the why's of it all, and not ready to take the steps forward that I"m looking at .. like I said so much great news that I can't share publicly at the moment.
Ohhh heard the BEST thing at the open AA meeting today it was in a book that gets into the 6th and 7th step which is exactly where I am at right now .. I'm going to start a new post though because it was exciting to listen to the ESH that was there and again things are just popping for me at the moment in a good way.
YES .. a weight has been lifted and I'm focusing on loving more, gratitude, as well as just living. It is a ripple effect. Not to say I don't still have more work to do on some other things .. this is a HUGE start for me going forward. I'm just very very blessed.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I'm so glad you're in a good space- miracles in progress! I agree that while we often want things on demand and instant gratification, it seems to take so long... too long, but in hindsight, I agree this is helpful in digesting and processing all that is needed to move forward just like you are. I also love how people seem to come out of the woodwork from nowhere to help- I've seen this happen time and time again. So good!!!
I had to laugh at you saying whats a little prick here and there. This might be where our culture differs but that is a brilliant statement, very apt. Im no longer afraid of little pricks either and ive transformed myself somewhat too, it must be a sure sign of progress. Im imagining purple hair or maybe green. You sound so good, your divorce looks good on you.x
I also love how people seem to come out of the woodwork from nowhere to help- I've seen this happen time and time again. So good!!!