The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi - In the past I gave my A an ultimatum about drinking, prior to alanon. Today we are going for a lovely dinner with family where almost everyone will be drinking except me. I have given it up more than 20 years ago. I see alcohol as a destructive force however I guess some people can be social drinkers. So I told my A today it is her choice if she is drinking, but just let me know now so I can take my car and drive us home. She says she will not be drinking. I think my progress is that I am not trying to control her, but I do want to get home safely. It's about a 40 min. drive. What do you guys think?
I think it is wise to live and let live. Given my own experience with others who drink "socially" and newly recovering As, I'd probably drive my own car to avoid any anxious moments for me once the "socializing" starts in earnest and I'm the only one not drinking. But that's me.
I would always plan to drive in this circumstances. As I know from extensive experience, the A can appear not to be drinking, but every trip into the bathroom might be an occasion to take another nip from the tiny secret bottle in the pocket. This scenario - publicly not drinking, but secretly drinking - I have had happen more times than I can tell. I didn't believe it the first dozen times either. And of course I'd say, "If you want to drink, just do it publicly so I can make decisions." "Oh no, I don't want to drink today." But deception goes hand in hand with the disease.
that seems great. Not confrontational, and just concerned for everyone's safety. You seem in a good place! Pretty cool you gave up drinking 20 years ago. I quit for awhile, couple years, and got used to it socially. Good for you.
__________________
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
