Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another crisis
Post Info TOPIC: another crisis
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
another crisis
Permalink  

My son has been doing great recently, a job, home with girlfriend, still drinking but no drama for a while until this weekend. Drama came again and it seems so unfair. I want a break, I got a break, he got a break, we all did, from the drama but while alcohol is still there alive and kicking the drama is only around the corner. 

I have some faith now, that a crisis is the step closer to the truth for my son, or is it? I didnt see the truth until my life fell apart completely. He might have a long way to go or he might never get there. Maybe he has more of a chance, both parents are in the fellowship.

Im so sad, is alcoholism not going to let him have happiness? Its impossible. Hapoiness and alcoholism dont exist. So right now, his job is at risk and if he loses it then I dont know how far he will sink and in turn, how far the rest of us will go down with him. im praying and tuning in to my program and my higher power. Whatever happens will be for the best in the long run even if I cant see it.



__________________
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

I am sorry elcee, gosh it is hard to watch our loved ones mess up.  Wrap that soft warm God blanket around him and you. (((Elcee)))



__________________

Paula
Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:
Permalink  

how far the rest of us will go down with him.

I hope you don't go down that road because you and I both know it won't do any good for both of you. It's time to use everything you have learned and keep a healthy distance for his own good in the long run. That is what real love is.....to do nothing and let him feel it all good or bad.

((( hugs )))

__________________

 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

LC I am sorry that this new problem has surfaced for your son. Please keep using your program , do not project and keep living ODAT.
Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

Yeah...It's going to take some serious detachment. He is what? 20? 21? Very few people want to accept they are an alcoholic for real at that age. They need to start having more consequences. Does he believe his father is an alcoholic? That it's hugely genetic?

__________________
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

I understand how powerless we are to effect our children's disease and how helpful this program can be to us as we continue to do for ourselves what we cannot do for them. Prayers for all, elcee. Easy does it and be gentle with yourself both come to mind for me this morning.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Fairlee


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 295
Date:
Permalink  

So sorry to hear this - praying all goes well and ends up for the best for all of you.

__________________
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

Also- Prior to getting sober - if I lost a job from drinking, I would probably get a new one and say "That company was a bunch of A-holes so I quit!" And the cycle would continue. So drop expectations. You can make comments if you want about it being related to alcoholism, but it will fall on deaf ears until he's ready to have a teachable moment and then follow through on recovery of some sort. Also, since his dad is finally sober (albeit a jerk maybe), he may be in a better spot in some ways to help him when the time comes and that is ok right?

__________________
cloudyskies


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 531
Date:
Permalink  

el-cee, I'm so sorry. Lean on your program. You have the tools. Trust the program. Let go and let God. Please know I'm praying for you and your family.

((el-cee))



__________________

Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-
milkwood


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2200
Date:
Permalink  

(((((El-cee)))))

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be helpless as your son stumbles but I do trust in your powers and the tools that I see you using. Stay well friend and may your own life continue to flourish. You are in my prayers.

__________________
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you everyone, its been a comfort to know your here. Not sure this crisis is over, just for today it may be but it hit me that this may be what my sons life may be made up of, crisis after crisis. I dont know. Its been a while since ive felt that pain, you know the one that sits in your stomach, its surreal, then I look at people with this weird envy, thinking, they are just normal, not feeling this feeling, have they ever? Im going to phone my sponsor, do a bit reading.

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I invite you to get back to one day at a time! We don't know if they will always be miserable or every happy. We don't know about it with anyones life.

I am in pain a lot. Just part of my life. Sometimes I think, is this going to get worse as I get older? then I grab my bum and pull me back into today.

My son has his ups and down, I could worry about him too. But I have faith he will be ok, and he usually is. Being a parent, a good one, we have to fight to remember to concentrate on ourselves and allow them the dignity to live their own lives.

Just sorta felt like I wanted to bring you back to today, just now, this minute. hugs, debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

Wrapping you up in hugs ((((((((((EL-CEE))))))))) Sending you love and support my dear friend!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
neshema2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3281
Date:
Permalink  

So sorry, LC----being a mom of an alcoholic has to be the toughest challenge.....hang in there and please keep coming back......sending you peace and happy thoughts



__________________

Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
bud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2081
Date:
Permalink  

this is such a horrible disease- we don't know what we don't know, so take things ODAT and keep taking good care of yourself. sending prayers

__________________
SunshineGirl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 141
Date:
Permalink  

(((el-cee)))

__________________
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

Hope today is a better day for you, elcee.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
WorkingThroughIt


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 579
Date:
Permalink  

Hello el-cee

I know what it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My experience is at least we're not in denial and can feel that fear, some people just stop giving a darn and succumb to it as "normal".
Then the 2nd half is we don't have to get sucked into other people's vortexes of insanity
We can let go and hand them over and pray for them

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving

__________________
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
Permalink  

Thanks everyone, again. Thanks working, hope your well.
Its funny, I found myself laughing away today at something and then I had this thought like, what are you laughing at your supposed to be upset. Then I thought no way, im allowed to feel happy no matter what happens, im allowed. Thanks alanon.x

__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

No problem girl...you know it and know that you know it.  Your program works and you work it.  For us after learning the how we get to decide what happens and for how long and how much because the outcome is about our own peace of mind and serenity.  We are powerless and no longer want the unmanageability.  Last weekends Thanksgiving family dinner and my addicted son wasn't here.  We didn't want him here so HP and my wife and I were all on the same page and the dinner and day came out peacefully and lovingly as all of us desired.  There is no law that says we have to live in the insanity.  I haven't found one and so I don't anymore.   At one time I did think and act like I was supposed to be in it, around it, trying to control it, fix it...make it come out right and I always sucked ant it and therefore failed at it.  Who knew that I was to admit I was powerless over it over and over and over and over.  Best first step I've ever taken in my life.     Keep coming back you're doing great.   ((((hugs)))) smile



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another crisis