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My A never stopped drinking, but after we separated ten years ago the situation got pretty stable. He never showed up visibly drunk, and we worked out an arrangement where he saw our son twice a week. Since he's a binge-drinker, he has long periods of sobriety. He even took care of our son (who wasn't a little kid any more) sometimes when I had to travel, and took care of our pets when we were away.
But as I've written here before, now things seem to be on a downward slide. The last time we were away, his taking care of the pets was very erratic. The pets all survived, but I wouldn't trust him again. He did weird nonsensical things like filling my car with junk. My A is an oddball, but this level of oddballness has never happened before.
Last week he showed up drunk to take our son, and I said our plans had changed and sent him away. Today he was supposed to come for the regular time, and he just plain didn't show up. This has also never happened before.
I am upset for several reasons. One, obviously things are going badly, and who knows what's coming down the pike and how he's going to disappoint our son. Two, I've been feeling a lot of strain from some recent events and had a non-kid afternoon planned out which I'll now have to cancel. And three, the A is invited for Thanksgiving, along with ten other people. He's never been drunk or obnoxious at Thanksgiving before. But now I'm worried. If he is, I'll calmly ask him to take some food home, etc. But the thought that it might happen makes me anxious.
I need to get to a meeting.
The details aren't important, but I've had a major loss recently and I am already pretty much at the end of my rope. I so do not need the A descending into chaos right now. But I guess that's what they do.
Right ...a meeting...Sponsor would be great also...remembering that alcoholism is a progressive disease will help too...cause you are watching that happen. The last word of the 2nd step is "Sanity" and just before that "a power greater than myself can restore me". When the ground opens up in front of you...step back. In support ((((hugs))))
Hi, Mattie. Everything you've written here to me is something over which you have no control, has passed or is in the future. Disappointments happen for kids in the best of families and experiencing them, accepting them, dealing with them are all good things for them to learn with the guidance of a good Mom like you. You're cooking for more than 10 people this Thanksgiving, Mattie? I do hope there is some way you can find some down time for you before the feast with a friend's family, a family member or a sitter. I'm also sorry you have experienced a major loss, too, on top of the emotional impact that A's progressive disease is having on you. Sending you lots of prayers and positive energy, sister. (And a request for 2 to 3 people calling you to insist they take your son to a movie and help you with Thanksgiving Dinner this week, too.)
I am so sorry Mattie --It sounds as if you have a "Plan B" in place for Thanksgiving Good program work.
I agree a meeting and a call to your sponsor will also help. Remembering that this disease is unpredictable and that we are powerless helps me to believe that praying for serenity , courage and wisdom beats worry or anxiety I will pray for your family as well
Thank you all. Holding on. I guess the thing about alcoholism is the drama. Always lots of drama. I am closing the curtain on the drama. It can go on without me. I'm feeling angry, though. I do everything I can to make life stable but with alcoholism in the picture (as it has to be somewhat when you share a child), there's always chaos breaking out. I'm remembering the saying, "If you don't become the ocean you'll be seasick every day." Or the other saying, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." So I'm going my best to close the curtain on the suffering. Just to mix all the metaphors.
What you describe is what I lived the 15 years I stayed with my exAH it is a sad and erratic decline and alcoholism isn't fair at all! I am sorry you're at this point in your journey and I like the ESH you received very much. Great idea getting yourself to a meeting and making a plan B for many other things not including your A. My exAH comes with lots of drama and it used to feed something in me, now it wears me out and has me running for cover thanks to al-anon! Sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
