The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I mentioned a little while ago, a friend told me some things that suggested my A has started a downward slide, after many years of stability.
He arrived tonight to pick up our child, and he was plastered. And he looked really terrible - disheveled, slurring, pants unzipped.
This has never happened before. He's always been so eager to maintain pretenses that he's been presentable in front of our child.
I sent him away before our child saw him. I didn't say anything about drunkenness. I just said that my plans had changed.
I know he's not going to stop drinking. He's already lost so much from drinking that he doesn't have much of anything left to lose.
The First Step. The Three C's. Grieving. Using them all, hard, right now.
I just feel so bad for our child. &*@!*! This is me swearing. Imagine the blistering swear words of your choice. Because swearing feels better than crying.
((Mattie))) This is indeed a dreadful disease. I can so understand your pain , sadness and frustration.
Stay close to program tools, MIP, your HP and know that one day at a time you will be given the courage, serenity and wisdom to live and let live.
Swearing does feel better than crying and owning your grief, as you have just done, goes a long way to healing .
(((Mattie))) My heart goes out to the 3 of you- this is such an indescribably ghastly disease! Please remain close to Alanon and continue to lean into your program. Sending prayers for comfort, wisdom, and courage.
Oh Mattie. You are a beautiful soul, and that's a real £%&&#% of a thing for you to have to see. Truly the right tool you picked there, I so admire your programme coming through and guiding you to the three c's. ((Mattie))
Oh Mattie, it is ghastly and so sad and my heart just felt for you all as I read your post. And then I stepped back and admired your handling of such a frustrating and heart breaking situation. (((((Hugs))))))
I hope you are in a better frame of mind this morning. I totally understand your anger and I pray it will pass because you have the tools to know there is nothing you can do to fix it.
Prayers for your and your A
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Mattie, what a good mother you are. You didn't even pause before preventing your child from accompanying him when he was dangerous. Using your tools indeed.
I am so very sorry, Mattie. I'm praying HP will give you guidance and strength to keep going, moving forward. If our alcoholics could see themselves the way we see them when they are in such conditions.
Hang tight to your HP and program.
((Mattie))
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
You have a right to feel angry, I hope you can feel it and move on. You did so well, not letting your child see it, and even having the grace not to explain why you didn't want him to pick up your child.
It works when you work it, but sometimes working it is HARD!! Keep it up!
Sorry to hear that mattie.we want to protect our kids from the brunt of this disease but I dont think its possible. I never could anyway. At least youve got your tools and they will help your son through this too. Maybe he has to loose even more, some people have to hit rock bottom. My ex only got sober when he had no contact with any of his family, no one would go near him and he liked it for a wee while, he got peace to drink and feel sorry for himself then when he realised that this is the way it would be if he continued to drink he went to aa and has been sober for 2 yrs, now the kids are back in his life but they walked away once and they will do it again. Maybe its time to walk away mattie.
Yay Mattie,,,you did good!!! No it doesn't feel good and you/we don't like it and I learned that "liking it" isn't required in the face of the disease. What is required is "doing the right thing" and you did good!!! When I didn't like it I re-learned how to tantrum to blow off steam and any dialect of language was one of the things allowed...it was for me to release the pain. You did good and you did it, it seems very respectfully and caringly...great characteristics in the face of trauma. Your child is with the right person; right parent...THANK GOD!! THANK MATTIE!!
I remember telling my sponsor that I was afraid and that is what interfered with me making changes. He told me "be afraid and make the changes anyway". Rocket Science.
Mahalo Mattie...I will learn from this post. (((((hugs)))))
((((((((((((Mattie)))))))))))))) I am so glad u booted him out b4 your poor child saw this.....omg....sounds like its getting worse...to show up like that to see your KID......
Sounds like you are grasping onto alanon and its strength and hope....good job!!!! I read these shares and i think "omg...i so know how they feel b/c i was there" you saw my post about my A brother threatening suicide....they manipulate, they play your heart strings, they get S***faced and say/do things that defy sanity, they become shallower and shallower as the disease eats them up.......you know, now, after being in alanon for 12 years, 13 in february, i can't stand being around this.....i like my sober, sane life.....no drama, no chaos.......thank God for alanon.....i do'nt know what i would have done if this program didn't exist.....i like what Jerry said to you..."Thank MATTIE...child is with the right parent" YOU DID GOOD LADY!!!!!! sending you SUPPORT
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Mattie. 
