The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got some bad news today - my daughter (14) came to me with a couple of her friends. They were worried and upset - another of their friends had told them that her cousin had raped her last week. One of the friends had told her mother, a couple of days ago, who phoned the girl's mother to tell her about it, She was told "No,it's just a misunderstanding" and has been worried about what to do ever since. So I did what my training as a childcare worker tells me to do,and what all of my instincts told me to do, and called the sexual abuse hotline. They were no help at all, just said "Call the cops". That made it seem scarier, but eventually, after about half an hour, I did. Now the girls are scared as they will have to give statements, and their parents are a bit miffed, I think, that I have dragged their children into this, but really everyone understands, I hope. The girl in question has a history of lying about things, in order to make herself sound important, and she has changed the story several times. Still I think reporting was the right thing to do. If she has made it up, then she needs some help - a kid making up such extreme stories has some problems. If it is true, then it needs to be stopped.
It's the stories of those of you who were abused as children that made it easy for me to make up my mind so fast. I can't stand the thought that the girl's mother knows about it and is trying to miminize the whole thing, just to keep the scandal down. This is a very small town.
I was told...oh it was not that bad by my mother. Funny even to this day she says that about violence or abuse whether it be sexual or not. Of course I think you did the right thing.
lin, i wish i had U in MY life when i was getting abused-------thank U from a survivor who had NOone to help me---- U were brave and careing to do that--- i applaud U!!!! peace/ rosie
I am so sorry the child abuse hotline was so obnoxious to you. I have dealt with child abuse workers when I was working/volunteering on a hotline. I imagine they are just snowed in with reports at the same time they could give you a resource. I would recommend the rape crisis lines or the ywca. Currently I get counselling at the ywca. I wouldn't say it is state of the art but it is helpful. I also think that it is good to know all your options in counselling. Go to more than one agency. Make a choice, don't fit hemmed in. If the abuse happened you can file for a victim witness assistance and get funds for therapy. That is bureacratic and difficult and can be time consuming so it is good to know all your options for getting assistance. I hope you find some. I am glad that you are taking care of your daughter. I had a mother who did not protect me so I really appreciate it when I hear of mothers who go all out to take care of their daughters.
Thanks everybody for your support - I know that this is the right thing to do, but I can't shake the feeling that I am the bomb that is going to blow this family's peace apart. How stupid is that? The peace was blown long before I ever heard of it. I guess it's my codependancy coming out.
This child should not be bearing the burden of the family's secrets - she's the one who is paying the price.
It's not so much that the hotline was obnoxious, just kinda useless. The person answering the phone was a volunteer on her first day, didn't know anything. It was a Sunday, and today is a holiday.
Anyway, my daughter and I are going to the cops today to give our statements. We don't have much to say, as eveything we know is by hearsay.
