The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
No, but I did live in the fantasy that I could make my husband at the time into the husband I wanted. Then, I turned my focus onto my self and made the changes I could make that helped me improve my quality of life. Al-Anon helped me with that as did other supports and mentors. It can help you, too.
That could be true. I've been single for many years and don't feel the need for what you describe and yet I've also known folks who are happily married (not many, but I've known some.)
Hello Alyce Welcome I lived in a world of denial of reality and pretending all was well . These were the only tools that I had that enabled me to live in the insanity of an alcoholic marriage. Wanting a differenet male in our lives is normal, but I knew that I needed to recover myself in order to learn how to interact with another male in a healthy fashion. I had to work on me so as not to bring my baggage to the relationship. That is the power of alanon we get to drop our baggage and renew our spirits
Alcoholism is a fatal, progressive, disease that can be arrested but not cured We need to accept that we did not cause the disease, cannot cure it and cannot control it. .
We who live with the disease become equally sick -so as to require a program of recovery in order tor regain our ability to live healthy lives Alanon is that program I urge you to search out face to face meetings and attend Here I leaned how to accept help from others, break the isolation caused by the disease and connect in a healthy fashion with the world Keep coming back
Every time I shut my eyes and go to sleep! I think this is why Alnon is extremely important. I have found wonderful close relationships and I am not as lonely.
Sometimes I think I should win a academy awards for my acting role in my marriage.
Today instead of feeling sorry for myself, I made it a point to be in the present moment and enjoy all the joy I can in that moment.. it does boost the joy factor in my life.
This is not the life that I ever would have picked but I am going to find the joy in it. The AA is not going to suck everything out off my life.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
Have anyone of you were so emotionally tired and lonely that u made up fantasies about people u know who would make a partner.?
when i was married to AH#1, i did fantasize about some movie star or "protector" figure I might have met, known in the past, etc., and i did fantasize about them being my "knight in shining armour" ...I wanted rescue from my hell..my lonliness...my miserable life....i was looking outside of me instead of within b/c i didn't know any better...didn't know that there was a miracle called alanon where i would discover that life, love, security, respect, confidence are all INSIDE jobs....can't find it outside if I don't have it on the inside.........i do relate to what u r saying...my heart goes out to anyone in this type of situation.....i am glad you showed up here.....When you can get into the meetings, you will meet others in the same boat who can guide you as you begin this journey in alanon to find your "partner" within yourself....YOU!! a healthy and shining YOU!!! Welcome to alanon , you are not alone......in support
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I spent a huge amount of time lost in fantasy about my "knight in shining armor". Then it was suggested to me that I look at the qualities my fantasy man had and look to see if they were in fact qualities I had myself and strangely enough, they really were! Fantasy guy was patient and strong and kind and loving, in fact almost everything about him was a reflection of my own better qualities. That was a real eye-opener, I realised I could be all of those things for myself. That might sound weird but it was quite healing for me to see that.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Aloha Yarncrazy...Been there and done that...men do it also and often. For me at times it came under the heading of..."The grass is greener" and at other times "Anything would be better than what I have now". Mostly is was my random neediness and wishful thinking. Part of my recovery is the reality that when I had the opportunity to fulfill that "dream" I repeated the one that I thought caused the angst. The last word of the second step is "sanity" and after a while I came to understand why as I kept "doing the same things over and over again expecting different results". Getting "real" and "sane" was changing my focus and not looking outside of myself for something or someone to make me happy and to self focus to learn how I was responsible for that. Today I don't need to have someone else make me happy...I do that myself and because I can now everyone in my life is special and can be loved unconditionally by me without wanting to take them home and hide them for myself.
Learning how to do gratitude...getting and keeping an Attitude of gratitude means for me that I can willfully see the good stuff that is present rather than wish for and dream about what I think I need that is missing. Learning acceptance is a huge tool. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
