what can i do - Al-Anon Family Group

hopes314 · Senior Member

what can i do

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Hopes. I notice you have posted 95 times, so I don't think you need another recommendation to attend Al-Anon meetings? The fact that you are teetering on crazy and are surprised by his lies does tell me that perhaps meetings would be a big help to you? The promises of Al-Anon are a sticky on our board. It has been my experience that many of those promises have come true in my lifetime.

I did raise 2 kids on my own with little family support. I made my own family.

I, like you, didn't see any good choices in front of me - at least not the ones I wanted.

We can't get out of this reality and we can find help and hope in the fellowship and with our HP and make it through. My best to you.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 12th of November 2014 09:33:59 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Hopes To answer your question- You can increase your alanon meetings, come here often, post and attend the on line meetings here as well. The point of all this is so that you can find the support that you need in order to make intelligent choices and rebuild your self esteem.

Living with the disease of alcoholism is very difficult and it cannot be done alone Breaking the isolation caused by the disease is also important You are not alone and there is hope.

aquamom23 · Senior Member

hey there hopes. I get the sense of you feeling trapped and angry and trapped. Feels so real,but feelings aren't facts. I know I have pinned my hopes on my a husband in the past, swallowed his lies,desperately hoping that this time would be the tine,r allowing a logical conversation between us to be enough. I have looked at my kids and cursed him for making me stuck. I see the body marked by childbirth and this insensitive man who helped create it and I curse him again. But you know,kids grow. We wont always be stuck at home. Yeah I know it seems like they the a get off scot free,but only two things in life are guaranteed,death and aging. Death by the bottle is slow agony. Age brings expectations of being together as a person. Over time,an alcoholic by nature of the disease ends up alone as each function succumbs to alcohol. They have a big old pile of crap waiting to catch them,and no one but god can intervene. My observation of many hard core alcoholic s is that they live beleiving they'll die tomorrow so why waste today being sober,and thirty years later tomorrow never came. They are to be pitied from a safe distance. I'm dealing with my sense of stuckness by allowing it to be just for today. And in the today I plant seeds for tomorrow. Now when he speaks I am not taking it as truth, thus I'm not dependent on it happening.when he gets trashed,I raid his wallet and stash some away. Yes I get angry,but I had to hit step one. MY life is unmanageable because of someone else's drinking. I go to meetings and I go for me. I have come to realise that dropping meetings keeps me in his world when I really need the strngth of the alanon world because its the antidote to alcoholic thinking which is very persuasive. Just keep coming back,see a doctor if you need to to, meet friends, use daycare here and there,do something for you to give yourself new evidence of your divine possibilities outside of this marriage. Keep coming back.

Fairlee · Senior Member

Hopes, I'm sorry for your disappointment. I know that feeling of wanting to believe that the A can live without alcohol, only to be disappointed time and time again. I think what you have to decide now is what you are willing to live with. only you can decide that. You are not alone :)

Hugs!!!

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember when I first came here and a message that was given to me that I will never forget.

" He is going to drink or he's not..... What are you going to do"

My first thing to do was to get into Al-anon to get some peace so I could make the right choices as I grew. They will come in time. Trust in your HP and take care of you and the children and let go the best you can.

Book suggestion: " Getting them Sober " by Toby Rice Drew Vol: 1

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi hopes, I'm glad you are here. There is hope for you and it's called Al-Anon. Please, if you have not done so already, seek out Al-Anon and attend the f2f meetings. Alcoholism is such a dreadful disease affecting not only the person who drinks but also family and friends of the alcoholic. Most of the time family and friends don't realize they have been affected so profoundly. We become enablers without knowing it. Al-Anon can help you. You are not alone.

One of my favorite slogans is Let go and let God.

Take care of you, (( hopes))

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((hopes)) I can relate to how you're feeling. Many years ago, I came to Alanon with the same feelings and thoughts. Please remember this is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease that effects everyone in contact. It ends in insanity or death for the A and for those in contact too. I was so certain that I was doomed to remain in my circumstance. I tried to force my wants and wills to happen. I was so scared. I didn't want to have to handle any more stress that what was already on my plate. I didn't want to change- I felt that I had been inconvenienced enough. This is what the disease would have me think. My truth was that I did have choices, even if I didn't see it at that time. I'm so grateful that I kept coming back, kept learning new skills and had the support that I needed- support that I could not find anywhere else. My life has improved and continues to improve. I raised my daughter - I'm reeducating myself to reenter the workforce. The future is a little scary sometimes, but I only have to handle it one day at a time and I have Alanon and MIP so I don't have to feel alone. Keep coming back- this program works!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.