Here I sit with many excuses - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Here I sit with many excuses

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Have fun you deserve it!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Love how you listed all the pros cons and are processing the choices. When I do not want to do anything I can come up with the grandest reasons why I do not have to do it. they are all very rational reasons but then I do an 11th step and see what HP wants:) Let us know how it goes -- I hope you go and have fun

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You crack me up smile Now, I will be waiting to hear what happens. I, too, am introverted but I can burn up a dance floor wink

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I have six minutes and the next excuses that came up? My friend said to wear shoes that slide? I don't have shoes that slide. You have two tubs of shoes and some of them do slide. But, I'm 65. What if I slide and fall and break a hip? Sigh. Then wear the black shoes that don't slide. Now, go put on your make up and get into that car!!!!!!!!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

My therapist used to call this "doing dread." She had me take careful note of how I felt before I went, and then how much the reality was the same as my expectations. What do you know, nine times out of ten the dread was the worst part. Now I just accept that sometimes I am going to be doing dread. F.E.A.R.! Lots of the times were when I was just starting to venture outside my comfort zone. Nervewracking the first time, but the fear goes down. Like attending the first Al-Anon meeting!

Hope you went and that it was fun. If you didn't go, hope you'll think about going again soon!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

ok. 6:30. Make up on. Shoes on. I'm off. Why oh why did I ever tell her yes???????

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

So my last excuse before doing what I need to do for myself was "I'll check into MIP and see what's going on there before making the call" (to a lawyer who has offered me a free consultation regarding some of the legal stuff which has caused me problems) and as I am a procrastinator with a whole bank vault of excuses for not doing for me what I need to, the very first thing that hits my eyes is the title of your post....I'm done going to make the call and check back in...Sneaky HP using a HP sister to get me moving.

((((hugs)))) smile

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh such a funny lot we are biggrin

Luiza · Senior Member

Hope you have fun.
I too make a million excuses sometimes. Sometimes I do regret going against my excuses (sorry) but sometimes I feel glad I went.
It is a tough one.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I got here a little late but I will sit and listen if you went or not and if you liked it or not. Me.....I wouldn't have gone because I'm way to lazy...lol

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((C))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) well the fact you aren't appearing to be on the board, I hope you went....I'm kinda similair...I am not a people person....funny, when i was so sick and wanting to get out of the house of origin, or later years other unhappy houses, i went EVERYWHERE, but i was really choosy with whom...

now, since i broke up w/ AH#2, I don't do anything...i was in this tennis club, but i went, played, or swam in the pool....didn't hang out and LEFT......I have struggled with this and there is no need for me to., it is just ME, i am not a people person...when daughter has a party, i can go, first i am uncomfortable, but i get out and play with the kids and end up having fun.....next door my friend who is like a younger brother to me, has parties...i go, and at first i am uncomfortable, i kinda stay w/familiar folks and after a while and I do drink a couple of beers and EAT like hog, and i end up having fun....

i too can come up w/all kinds of excuses not to do somthing..not to go somewhere., I figure..If I really really want to go, nothing is gonna stop me short of being run over by a bus...if i DONT want to go, then i can come up with the damndest excuses as to why i shouldn't go, when all i have to do is say "naw, thanks but i don't really want to go" I really , at time, feel badly about it, like i am just not the "hang out" type, unless it is with chosen safe folks...then i am ok....

I am glad u r going...it sounds nice.....i wish i had my BFF here b/c when i am with her, i DO more....i remember, recently, on our last run of hot days, SIL was packing up the van to go on outing...Daughter wanted me to go, but this other couple was going and their noisy kids were going.....I am not a "noise" person, so i told her "thanks but no thanks" and she said "is it b/c of xxx and xxx and their kids?? " and i said that that was just too much noise for me...she was good about it...i think i am just a quiet, not completely a loner but close to it, ..if i go somewhere i want to go in my car, meet them so i can leave if i want to..........experience overload is not good for me...i can't do it....i just make the best of it

so you are OK feeling like you do., if you really really want to go, you will....trust in your wants as well as your needs.....I, really, hope you go , b/c she is a friend and its good to get out, even us introverts.....

ENJOY and I want the 411 when you get back HUGS

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Look, Catherine: I'm cured!

I got on to PM you because I haven't been able to stay logged on when I try to post.

Carl Jung had a breakdown and thought back to what he liked to play with as a child. And had a load of sand or clay delivered, I can't remember which.

If you can remember a time when you were an actual, natural child, and can remember what you liked to play with, can you see yourself indulging in that all by yourself? Mother always said every child alive is happy to be outdoors with a bucket of water and a stick. I still like to play in the sand. Tasha wrote about therapeutic coloring books on the other board. Colored pens and a generic coloring book might be fun.
Or get a teddy bear or a doll and talk to it and dress it up. You could work up to that--just look at it and think happy thoughts--or sad ones--to start.

I'm not kidding. Little Catherine hasn't disappeared, she's just gone into hiding. I wouldn't let many more days go by before I started enticing her out to play.

Disclaimer, disclaimer, Mea culpa for giving advice. Report me to the AlAnon police, if you like. That might slow me down. A little.

You are a treasure.

Temple

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Go and have fun!! This is something you can do for YOU!! biggrin

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I went. I paid my $8.00. I entered. I watched the Electric Slide. I tried learning some new steps to some two step number. As usual, more men than women and it became a couples dance. I did see one person there who I don't like or dislike but didn't really want to visit with him due to some outside stuff that really isn't about me but feared I'd be invited into "his side of the story" that is none of my business just like "their side of the story."

My friend didn't show up. I drove home in hopes of seeing some of Dancing with the Stars. Called my friend who is always dependable. Family member suddenly put in Hospice and of course, with her head wrapped around her family member, she forgot. I was just glad she was okay though sad to learn of the impending death in her family. I'm home now. Shoes go off soon. Thanks for the input. It was fun to read your feedback - and glad to see I'm not the only one who has to do self talk with her fears. Today, I decided I could share it with MIP. It's more fun that way. Thanks all.

aquamom23 · Senior Member

I loved this post! I don't know how to play either and couldn't sing twinkle twinkle till baby number 2. A therapist once told me I needed to have more fun and I truly felt sorry for her to be so divorced of real life lol lol. Glad you went and did it anyway.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

OKAY!! Did what I had to do to get the consequence I want. Would never realize the consequence or goal if I did nothing RIGHT??? I know why I procrastinate which makes the process even more debilitating. Remember when you were a kid (those of you) and were forever invisible except when "they" wanted something and when you wanted or needed something, even something as easy as emotional support ...you didn't get it? Or an affirmation about something special you did and didn't get it?...the thing done was good, very good or better and you were not...it was expected of you to be perfect? My natural expectation is that it will not be good enough soooo why try? Or I will be depreciated and told I am not valid or worthy. Long time being stuck...PTSD...depressive expectations....OK...while I was typing and whining the phone rang and twas the lawyer. Appointment is set and I will be there for me. Mahalo Akua...thank you God for the instruments you use to touch me. ((((Grateful/MIP)))) wink

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

So glad you went! If my friend hadn't shown up, my mind would have been spinning out of control about that, too. At least she had a good reason and didn't flake out on you. You showed courage in going. I admire that. Sometimes it's just taking that first step out the door...that's the hardest part.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad that you went Catherine . I have found it is true that 80% of life is just showing up. Now relax and process the evening. I hope you find that you may have had a little fun in the process:).

Good Job JerryF

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I liked hearing you tried a few steps....mmmm baby steps we say, then onto a full spin

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks all and Jerry you hit on a lot that is true for me, too. I loved to dance as a child. My parents didn't have a lot of money. When I was about 9, my Mom agreed to put me in ballet classes. I was over the moon. She could afford the shoes and the lessons, but not the leotards or other things needed. I didn't care that I wasn't dressed like the other girls. I just cared that I was getting to dance and to learn more. One time, my Mom came and stayed. She watched me dance. That thrilled me on top of being able to do the dancing I loved. I kept watching her as all kids do, looking for their Mom's appreciation. She smiled at me and I thought that indicated she was pleased with the way I could dance. When class was over, she took me to the car and I crawled in waiting to hear her affirmation because I thought her smile meant that. She said: "Cathy, you look like an elephant. I'm not taking you to that class anymore." It probably had more to do with money than anything, but as a child of 9 I didn't know that. There is still that wound there that surfaced today and that is what contributed to all those excuses. When my friend didn't show, I could feel the energy leaving me after about 45 minutes and I went home. I'd done enough healing work for the night. When my friend's crisis is finished, I will return. There is a healthy adult who can take this wound into life and dance through it. I just can't do it alone. Thanks for listening and thanks for seeing the truth behind the excuses, Jerry. That helped. That helped a lot.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of November 2014 10:33:11 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Catherine the power of this program is so evident in your last share. I am so very sorry that you were so very disappointed as a child in that dance class and so proud that you were able to go within, find the exact nature of the issue and share it . I believe that this sadness and hurt is well on the way to being healed. Such courage my friend!!!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Grateful)))))...You're the best Grateful I know and I appreciate that so much. Because of that I know my HP loves me unconditionally. smile

Spur · Senior Member

I'm happy for you that you put your doubts aside and went. Good work, Grateful. 😊

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm humbled by your listening and by your love. Thank you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so proud of you for going! Now you know you can do it. Was fun reading the whole thing, sorta like a sitcom! You are just too cute! Hugs

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

We do have a great group of people here, don't we, Debilyn, who also has the power to make us all laugh, love, and face old stuff with courage and with help. Hugs to you, Miss Face of Love to me.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Catherine)))))),

I am so sorry that you had dancer in you undermined as a little girl and I'm so proud of you that despite the hurdles you went out and reintroduced yourself to the dance.

Isn't it funny how none of the things on our 'why I shouldn't be doing this list' happen and isn't it funny how fate then turns up with something that never even occurred to us?! Like a magician!

I have a friend who does not dance very well, and for years she was shy about it and then one day she was lucky enough to travel to Africa and there she danced round a camp fire and her flailing arms and off beat steps were the most natural thing in the world. When I see her dancing these days I see a woman who is lost in the music and the movement, nothing conventional, but her joy in the moment is so very very beautiful.

Lots of love to you, my brave and intrepid friend.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I fully identify and I am not introverted. I am simply lazy and selfish sometimes and don't put effort into my recovery or friendships. I think it's part of my disease. I love people but will quickly poopoo things that take effort to plan and follow through on in my social life.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh I hurt for that little girl, I so hurt for her. I also hurt when you mentioned your friend did not show because I know what it took for you to get there. Funny, I was thinking I would love to go there with her to get all frenzied with the music and be examples of, "yep we can withstand the hurricanes and damnit we will dance anyway!" So, there goes another layer of crap that mama projected onto you....pfffftttt into the universe it goes aww

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I love all of you because you are so YOU. Paula, I'd love that. Mark, given that you can be selfish and too lazy to be bothered, this is your opportunity to fly to my area to make a change. I'll pick you up at the airport, get Paula and you can be our escort who dances with us or tells us just how beautifully we dance. Then, maybe we can go in search of those snowplows together? Everybody else is invited into the dance with us, too. I have three bedrooms, two air mattresses, multiple couches and we can all just crowd into my house and take turns in my one bathroom or use the bedside commode I've plopped next to my basement shower to make my $47.00 2nd bathroom. I'm not cooking though. We'll have to eat out. And since Mark just got a raise, I think it would be nice if he paid for at least one meal out. How's that for a plan?

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 11th of November 2014 11:06:05 AM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh that sounds like so much fun...I will make us homemade pasta and meatballs and pizza too? Italians eat whether we are stressed or not...any occasion calls for great food. We will dance, eat and dance some more. Since there are no snow plows, we may be there until we see the tulips coming up.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Count me in as well ---Love Italian food

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a suitcase of italian ingredients, please, pretty please, can I come too?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Me, too, yum. I'm serious. There's always room in the inn for good people (and really good food). I'm used to living with a crowd, so it'll be like old times with five or more people all needing to get into the bathroom at once. We can just order more commodes and liners. Bring your own mirrors though. I only have 3.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL. I got a raise but no vacation time :)

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, then, Mark - we'll just Skype you so that you can be included in the dance. As far as buying a meal for all of us - that can easily be remedied with a credit card. When we're sitting at table eating Paula's and Milkwood's food for in home meals, we can Skype you into that, too. You and Chuck can eat with us that way.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Count me in I love to eat and cook! What a fun thread and I am so glad you got out regardless, it sparked a great thread!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

smile I don't like cooking and I'm glad there are others who do. I'll just offer a clean and safe house and my Odor Shields for all. Mark can't come so maybe all the beds will be made while we're together? Oh! I forgot. I don't make my bed either. Nevermind. We'll have a safe and clean house, odor shields, a kitchen and nobody has to make their beds unless they really, really want to do it.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:
Count me in as well ---Love Italian food

OH, My FAVORITE cuisine as well.......I'm in

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