The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has been letting the girls down large lately.Broken promises day after day.There still at the whys They come to me for answers that I dont have.Its so tough living with active A and 3 teenage girls in a rural area.Some days I think I should take girls and go.But would them come with me.Cant leave them with A . What to do? Boy do I hate having these days.Its great having this place to come to.Hoping today will be better than yesterday. One day at a time.
Well ya know, sometimes they want ya to just listen. Also look into alateen.
There is so much literature for you and the girls to help you. I promise if you stay in alanon you will have answers. Simpler than you realize.
I am taking it, it is their mom?
We learn they are very sick. Kids understand sick. It helps to let them know it is not their mom saying the horrible things or doing them. She is being confused and led by the illness, that the illness affects her brain.
I have a dear friend I met here at alanon mip. He and I have been emailing for \ years now. His wife is also an A. His kids are teens also. They have seen her do very sad things. embarrasing things.
It is so hard on the kids. But once they realize it is an illness it is more under standable. Also I am sure there are times mom is mom. So remind them to appreciate the times she feels well and is more like mom.
If I were you, don't run away but take the girls places. I don't know where you are but I am sure there are pretty places to go walk. Or you guys go to a movie or just get them out and go not be serious for awhile.
Teens get so wrapped up in drama they need to be intro'ed to the simple fun life has to offer.
If you are rural, do you have property and animals? Ride horses? Motor cycles? girl like to do that stuff too. They need to be fed what their passions are. Keeps them out of trouble too. They are too excited about their own horse or playing guitar or swimming or whatever to mess with drugs and sex.
They don't want to get away from the hell, they want to get into what makes them feel better. So find their passions and support that. I don't care if you have to get a loan to do it, sell jewelry whatever, those kids will be better for it.
I had my son on motorcycles all his life and I was a widow for 18 years. It was tough and I almost lost him, but thank god he came thru.
don't be hard on you either. I Hope you find your passion and do it too.
I am glad that you are coming here. There are many many people in this group who have children. Broken promises seem to be part and parcel of alcholism (active). I know my own A makes tons of promises. I really do not expect him to keep them anymore. Holidays are hell for me and I am working on ways not to count on him for them. I am also working on ways to detach detach detach. Have you been doing that. If you come to meetings you will meet people who are formidable at it and who are an inspiration.
I can understand the issue with a rural area. I live in a suburb which is pretty isolated but I think I was isolated with an A anywhere in the middle of a city wherever. I think that is part of the nature of the disease and one reason it is so so crucial to reach out.
