Today , I got this really nice video from a recovery mate who forwarded it over to me and I was like  "OMG....How timely and how appropriate after my coming out of the closet post"

WHO AM I????  I've been asking that...What is my purpose?????   been asking that too...Do I even have a life here on earth??? another question...How can I serve the universe????  been asking that too, what inner changes do i need to do to make better energy for me????? another question...... but i was forgetting the most important part of this sorta step 4 between me and source/creator.....I wasn't sitting STILL long enough to be told or shown...

When I wrote my "closet agnostic" post, I MADE me be STILL  to be able to receive all the wonderful replies I got and I was, through my open mind and willingness to be still and listen, receptive to some fantastic information....and that esh TOOK...sooo many golden nuggets of wisdom from each sister and brother....Lightbulbs were going off all over the place in my awareness.....Each share gave me yet another good thing to think/meditate on....

Normally, my mind is so "racing" and I am always projecting some sort of bad "what if" its no wonder I got lost, confused, angry, disconnected from the "best within me"....

Really, I am a spirit having a human experience, but somewhere I had lost that...Life became all material, physical, nothing about my spirit....Putting human attributes on the great spirit was just not working for me.......Maybe bc so much of my pain has been from humans....

I remember my native american elders talking about the great spirit and it was always about love/ peace/ health/ abundance/  good stuff and knowing that b/c we are all in this great scheme of things, intertwined and together , we will be ok, our willingness to be interdependent on each other is good insurance of being "ok"... but we gotta do our parts...we gotta take responsibility for ourselves and our thoughts/deeds....

these old folks sharing about this...yea, i remember and i liked it..it felt right...but my sire had custody of me , sadly , for too much b/c he had HIS rendition of his god and it was awful...his god was one of harshness, punishing, revenge, tormenter, entitlement over another's rights, on and on, it was awful.......Now I see that he was sharing about HIM only putting the god name on it...No wonder i had such a bad attitude about creator...and its taken me THIS long to realize that....

So how can creator give me answers if I am not sitting still long enough for the answer????  Oh I THOUGHT i was "still" enough, but not really....so, come nap time, or after workout time when its time for rest,  after I do my laundry, house work, or whatever, each day, i am gonna lie down....meditate on this and BE STILL...........Breathe........Feel my body from my souls of my feet to the very top of my head..be aware of my body but don't identify the body parts I feel.........be aware of the sounds around me but again,  don't identify them, just be aware and let it pass on by, as i focus on my breath....the feeling of life giving air going in me and out of me as i exhale..focus on my breath as I let go...remit myself to the universe.........and then if i can accomplish total stillness and quiet, i can send out a loving message for the universe  "may all forms of life be at peace...be safe....be abundant....be healthy.....be centered within".....

AND make this a practice , along w/my workouts and my other necessary activities....

thanks to you all, AGAIN, from my heart for lovingly helping me get back to ME and what works for me re: the "God thing".....It was a very heavy post...one written out of  "OH please help me, I don't care anymore about privacy, etc., I am in DEEP NEED"  and you guys stepped up...

I printed out that post for my "need to keep" file....and when i feel myself  "Going off"  I will pull it out w/my other alanon literature and RE-read.....

Thanks for letting me share and THANKS for letting me be a wanted part of this fantastic group......Wado and Paselo  (cherokee "thank you"  and shawnee "take care"------I am both tribes)