The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So this is basically an introduction and my story cause I am brand new to this and am looking forward to sharing and listening with everyone.
I am a 28 year old mom from Canada, of a 3 year old son and another on the way...due in 2 weeks actually, who are my world and I need to make changes in my life to better thier lives and mine. I turned to al anon because I am dealing with an alcoholic boyfriend who has been in my life for 9 years.
When i met him I was so young, i was only 19 and he was older he was 27 so at the time i thought he was he greatest thing since sliced bread. As a normal 19 year old i went to clubs with my friends, drank on the wekends and such. When I met my alcoholic bf he drank alot, at first i didnt think much of it cause my friends and i drank on the weekends and went to parties so i just assumed that he did the same and was going threw a party faze because he was recently divorced. The day I should have walked away was 8 weeks after we had been seeing eachother everyday we got invited to a work party,one of his co workers was holding it at his house. We arrived at the party and he started our fine, but about 2 hours later he vanished and i had no idea where he went. I ventured around the house untill i found him laying on the basement floor by himself. I went to help him up and he started ranting and raving at me calling me every name in the book and verbally abusing me so bad, some words i had never even heard of at the time. I was so appauled and angry and i was tempted to leave him and take a cab home but the kindness in me just couldnt leave him as i was afraid he would choke on his own vomit or something would happen to him. So i call a cab and get him and me in the cab to go back to his place. We get inside he starts throwing things and carying on and passes out. I fall asleep on the couch figuring ill leave in the morning. 3am rolls up and i hear a huge bang, i run and there his is laying in the garage with blood comming out of his head and him completely out cold. I called an ambulance, when they arrived he couldnt remember anything and had peed his pants as well. Got 12 staples in his head, and a concusion and he didnt remember anything that happened and said i was crazy thinking that he would say things like that, but he apologized anyways and said that he was just going threw a hard time because of his recent divorce and it woudlnt happen again....that was the day i should have left because the next day after that he was out drinking again with a concusion and his staples. Then it just continued on into something that happened on a regular basis.
About 5 years later of ups and downs and me leaving and coming back and giving into his lies, i got pregnant. He was terrible the whole time i was pregnant and the abuse and drinking
seemed to have gotten worse. The last month i was pregnant he went and did a turn for the positive he bought us a house, bought all this stuff for our baby and was really looking forward to everything. Then after i had my son it all started back up again, out every weekend, not able to tell me where he went or who he was with, drunk all the time. I never left my son alone wih him as i could never trust him with him. We split up a few more times after that but again i just fell for everything again and ended up in the same situation again now. Pregnant no support from him nor any feelings of excitment from him about it. Every weekend is the same the drinking weekends starts thursday and ends on sunday night. He thinks that because he doesnt drink every day and he has a job he doesnt have a problem. His son is scared of him cause he gets loud and obnoxious when hes drunk and is rude to me. Tonight was no exception, drunk as usual and ranting and raving about how he works and i dont do anything but sit at home and dont contribute to anything. It makes me angry cause all i do is look after our child and provide him with the best care and love i can give him. Plus i take care of him constantly cause he obviously cant take care of himself. He doesnt even know how to do a load of laundry and contributes nothing to the care of our son, he ignores him and just goes out i the shed by himself and drinks. It makes me so sad cause i know my son, upcoming baby and i deserve better than this but i dont know how to deal with this properly. I dont know why i just cant leave and carry on. Why does he have this hold on me? I feel like an diot cause i just bring it on myself cause i keep falling into the same trap..I am in need of some input and support cause i am just so exhausted and I need to make a change for my boys and I before its to late and they are more and more exposed to this disease. Im sorry that was a very long post but i feel somewhat better getting all of this out. Thank you for your time to read this and any advice woud be greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you.
Welcome to MIP. Although we are not an Al-Anon group, we are made up of many Al-Anon members. Your story is many of our stories. You are not alone. We do suggest to newcomers that they find some Al-Anon meetings in their area where they can go to break the isolation they experience, learn more about alcoholism and the ways it affects us, hear the stories of other members which makes some of us wonder if those members are reading our minds or have lived in our homes, and find the support and the care that we need. As a supplement, we also offer on-line meetings here for people who are going through what you are going through. If you keep an open mind and attend meetings, you will find help and you will feel hope again whether or not your ABF stops drinking. Others will come to greet you on our board. You are not alone. We understand the pain and the chaos of living with an active A and having children makes it that much harder - especially when we don't have the help of others in the Al-Anon program.
Thanks for the reply I actually am set up to go to a meeting next week in my area, they have it at a local church. I am looking forward to the experience :) Ive been following this board for a while and since i signed up to go next week i thought id get the courage up and post :)
Welcome fellow Canadian. You are right and you do deserve better as do your children. You are not stupid and did not bring this on yourself. You will find many many people who will inspire you in the chat room and I hope you join us. It has helped me immensely to calm down and begin to find some desperately needed peace. You are not alone and the best gift you can give yourself and your children is participation in the Al anon program. Very glad to hear that you are attending a meeting shortly. Take care.
Welcome to MIP and congratulations on the wee one to be. Yay the end of pregnancy is in sight! I know how hard it is to be with an active a and have little ones. Such an emotional time with a new human. Do you have friends,family who are supportive of you? I hope so. Great to hear about your meeting. To me the best thing about alanon is we all understand the rollercoaster. So glad you're here at MIP. ((hugs))
Hi and welcome. I understand your situation. I left my AH last spring. I decided the kids were more important than him. He was like another child for me to take care of, only I love my children no matter what....I was like his mother. It didn't work. I kept waiting and waiting for 11 years for him to change, and he never did. I saw him get worse in the last 2 years. I had to call the ambulance for him once too. It is not a good way to live. The stress is hard. Discovering Choices is a good Al anon book, so is Courage to Change. There are many good books on codependency too. You've come to the right place. Try a meeting for sure. Getting a sponsor down the road is good too. I have a sponsor and she has helped me so much. Please keep yourself and your children safe. Don't be afraid to rely on family and friends if they are close. Keep coming back! This forum has helped me a lot too.
