The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So many times I felt like my exAH was this huge beautiful vessel. He save me from my childhood house and family of origin. He loved me more than anyone really ever had in the beginning and felt sorry for me because of things I had gone through. Over time I turned him into my HP and wanted to earn his love and please him and as the years went on, it was harder and harder. I gave up myself and it was like he had two people putting his every need as a priority. I remember after we had our 16 year old I would get mad and try to keep her quiet because he would sleep in until noon at least after many nights, but he always got up for work Monday through Friday so I never thought he could be an A. Looking back I am not proud of putting him before my children nor myself. It took me awhile to realize just how sick I had become enmeshed in his family.
The best decision I ever made in my life was to seek al-anon meetings and save myself. I dragged my miserable, sad, tired carcass to a life raft and things just keep getting better. My life is still hard, but it is such a different kind of hardship. Now that I look back at how hard I fought to keep us together, I never knew that letting go could be so good. I still love my exAH from a distance and unattached. He is my girls father and I will always want more for him in this life. I just wanted to share this today! Off to the OB, hopefully I get to see more births today. Sending you all love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Great post! I also stuck around until I was a complete empty shell. For me, I even drank to stay in that relationship. By the end I could not tell you a thing about who I was or what I liked. I had no ambition for life. I had sunk all of it into another person and then also my own problem with the bottle.
Now, I can rattle of a bunch of things I'm interested in. In many ways, I think I am too ambitious because it's like I've been playing a catch up game for all the lost years. I am trying to squeeze as much success out of work and as much happiness out of my relationship as I can because I was miserable and stuck for so long. It's fine and it works for the relationship because we are great together and I cherish our time (for those who don't know the back story for me, I am now married to a non-A and have been broken up from the A for 6 plus years). For work, well, I am at the point of needing to settle my ass down because being too ambitious can rob me of serenity too (i.e., want a new job and new challenge making more money after ever 6 months)...
-- Edited by pinkchip on Thursday 6th of November 2014 07:23:20 AM
I rejoice with you. What a marvelous attitude you now have. I'm keeping your statement "I never knew that letting go could be so good." I too grasped way way too long.
Good work.
Mahalo BF for that share which I will take with me on the start of a new day. I hope you get to see as many new births as you want to. Practicing LG2 (Let Go and Let God) on a daily basis. ((((Hugs))))
How many of us have dragged our miserable sad carcass to the life-boat that is al-anon? I didn't know that I didn't know so much about life, looking back I sometimes feel like I've developmentally leapt forward after being stuck in blindersville for so long! Great post BF!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I love the power of your story, BF. I also love that you did choose to find help for yourself and found the love of your HP waiting to guide, support and encourage you to be the woman that you are today! Of course, as a work in progress, you will continue to become and may not even recognize yourself at this stage anymore either when 10 or 20 years have passed and you've continued to honor yourself and your HP. You'll remember these stages and you'll be grateful for them and you'll be amazed at all you have learned and accomplished despite those mean years of living with and being damaged by that nasty disease we all have in common. Your growth helps me remember that it doesn't matter so much what happens to us on the outer as it does what we do with it. You are a beautiful soul, sister.
Love this post, I can relate so much. I never thought that I had turned my ex into my higher power but I did, with the people pleasing, tip toeing around him. Im not that proud either but im not ashamed anymore. Alanon taught me it was okay and in fact necessary to forgive myself. Now I can say well I did the best with what I knew and thats true. Now I can say that life is good, there is so much more to life than I ever knew was possible. I can enjoy my days now, even in the midst of crisis I can take some joy from the day. Such a grateful member. Thank you BF.
Thank you all for your ESH and I am sad and glad you could relate to me, I used to think I was crazy, but now I know this is how the disease works and there is a way out! I am keeping my life raft around for the future also along with all my other al-anon tools. Sending you all love and support on your journey's!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
As always you inspire me and give me hope BF, thanks for this beautiful perspective!!! I'm so glad for you.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
So many times I felt like my exAH was this huge beautiful vessel. He save me from my childhood house and family of origin. He loved me more than anyone really ever had in the beginning and felt sorry for me because of things I had gone through. Over time I turned him into my HP and wanted to earn his love and please him and as the years went on, it was harder and harder. I gave up myself and it was like he had two people putting his every need as a priority. I never knew that letting go could be so good. I still love my exAH from a distance and unattached. He is my girls father and I will always want more for him in this life. I just wanted to share this today! Off to the OB, hopefully I get to see more births today. Sending you all love and support!
hey Breaking, this was my 2nd X AH....He saved me from lonliness, fighting the world by myself...he was gonna "make up to me" all that i lost in the first marriage...I did put a burden on him, i wasn't fair expecting ANYone, much less an alcoholic, to save me and to provide for me.....i at that time was sure i could not care for me myself....brainwashing from my family of origin and my subsequent being so sick, i was not capable, i thought , of taking care of me, so i abandoned me again to make sure he was happy......and I , too, decided...no recovery?? we split...he chose to not get into recovery...i wanted recovery for both of us.....he said "NO"....that was it....it would take another almost 2 years b4 i actually drug me into recovery, but i did and as much as i struggle now, financially, emotionally, spiritually, I AM moving forward....i , also, send my Ex AH #2 the best of everything....i still love him, but never anything but at a distance..........have a good day.....sending you hugs of support
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
