The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read a post partly about a mom doing over the top things for her daughter. The daughter posted. Well, after reading a snipet of the post, I have come to the conclusion that maybe I have been bashing my mom. She has done so much for me over the years. When my husband was out 8 years ago, my mom stepped in & rescued us to pay our bills & loan us a huge sum of money. She never asked or complained about doing it. Now we don't owe her anything. But, even many years ago, when I didn't have the money to pay rent she loaned me the money then. I have never been homeless partly because of her. I never fully paid her back but at least I made an effort. When I made the ill-fated trip down south, she paid the extra fare to take me home. And, by the way, she escorted me on the plane for my return home.
But, with all this there are still moments when I almost hate her. She can be the most difficult woman on earth. But, I still see hope for her future even thought sometimes I don't. She is like a blessing in disguise. I am just grateful that she is still alive. My dad & my other mom died in the same year & I sometimes feel like an orphan but then I remember to give my mom credit for just being here. Sounds strange but I am very sincere.
So, this is somewhat of a tribute to my mom w/ frayed edges around the yarn. I have a lot of work to do in reconciling some of my resentments & pain that I suffered because she had not been able to take medicine when I was born. She cussed out the nurses & eventually I came into the world. I guess I really can't say much about that even though I was there. I guess I don't really have the ability to remember. But, I know it is true because my dad saw the whole thing. Quite disturbing for me. I guess that is something that I just have to get over. Maybe the reasons why I am the way I am is because of how I came into this world are partially because of that ordeal. But, at least I can say that maybe it is genetics versus my environment. I am me really because I am me. How does that sound?
This is an indirect response to your question. An Al-Anon friend and I were talking last night about an experience one of her loved ones had gone through because of a poor choice the loved one had made. She and family members were getting pressure from the outside world about not imposing consequences on the loved one who because of their bad choice had endured public humiliation, hospitalization and other things I don't need to restate here. What my friend said was this: "Loved one" is already experiencing natural consequences for a bad choice. What is more important is getting her healthy - not punishing, chastising or shunning her. We will not add additional consequences to what the natural ones already are."
I think it is good that you are looking at your Mom in a more full picture of her even though you will never know the full of her life or her life story. I can certainly understand her being a difficult person at times. But, really, I have never met a person who is real who isn't difficult at times and the most difficult person I know to love as I am is myself.
I don't think that genuine love is truly possible without seeing and accepting the negatives with the positive in ourselves and in our loved ones. When we can do that, we are whole.
Powerful post Kathleen Thank you for sharing the many positive experiences that you remember from your Mom's actions .I like to believe that genetics played a large role in who I was when I came into the world . Love that you are you.:)
Thank you Kathleen for sharing that. I have been trying to make amends to my mom for some of my actions when I was growing up and a young woman. It feels good to say "I'm sorry." Kind of like a sweet release.
Grateful I love what you posted:
"Loved one" is already experiencing natural consequences for a bad choice. What is more important is getting her healthy - not punishing, chastising or shunning her. We will not add additional consequences to what the natural ones already are."
-- Edited by cloudyskies on Tuesday 4th of November 2014 08:45:47 PM
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
