The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Fear is a powerful emotion, it lingers in me still and it grows at times then before I know it its built up and im acting on it, making decisions based on it. Im trying to think of the tools I used when I first came in because these did the trick and I could bat fear away, shrink it right out of my mind.
The what ifs, horrible wee defective thoughts, what if.... my sons drinking esculates? His gf kicks him out, he comes back here, im going through it all again? What if.... my youngest son behaves badly and I need to put him out the house? What if he gets a criminal record? What if... a really bad thing is waiting round the corner, I lose my job and have to move out my home? What if... one of my children dies? What if..... my ex drinks and turns the lives of my kids upside down? What if... my brain starts going and I cant do my job properly?
These are my fears and the what ifs get in and make them almost real as if I can actually feel what its like to feel them. Alanon and wise alanon people tell me to hand them over to my higher power, ask for help to reduce them and stop letting them steal my joy and happiness. I know how to live in the moment and right now at this moment none of these fears are reality. im handing them over. Thanks for reading
Maybe the dirt was stirred up from your Christmas invite....gives you another chance to see what's up, huh? Handing these trouble over is powerful, elcee and you did just that. A loving thing to do for you
Dear LC When these "What ifs" raise their miserable heads,I use the slogans to shoot them down and out. I remind myself that I am living by alanon principles and trusting my life to HP-- That the 11th Sep assures me that HP will not give me anything that He does not give me the power to handle. I also need to remind myself that accepting life on life's terms is one of the principles of Al-Anon and that by projecting to the future I am spoiling my experience of the joy , happiness , or learning available to the present moment Then I repeat a slogan, or the serenity prayer over and over in my mind until they lift and my head, heart and body are back in the now I keep doing this every time fear appears and serenity soon follows.
Please remember that FEAR is false evidence appearing real and that courage is simply FEAR that has said its prayers.
I love the responses you got and here is another one from years ago and my former sponsor who is now spirit only. This came from inside a "what iffing" discussion. "If you want to stay in balance and nearer to sanity, when ever you do a what if...do a what if not also". That one still works major wonders for me. (((((hugs))))) I vote for sanity.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 3rd of November 2014 02:20:48 PM
Even if all those things happen, you'll have your program, sponsor and HP to help you do the next right thing and the next and the next. Until then, none of it is happening today and for that I'll bet you are grateful?
These are my fears and the what ifs get in and make them almost real as if I can actually feel what its like to feel them. Alanon and wise alanon people tell me to hand them over to my higher power, ask for help to reduce them and stop letting them steal my joy and happiness. I know how to live in the moment and right now at this moment none of these fears are reality. im handing them over. Thanks for reading
((((((((el-cee)))))) with all this financial bad luck happening to me of late, the F E A R factor has risen to almost overwhelm at times....the what ifs tomorrow i go to the bully job and i am "what if'ing" if he fires me, and i am not even THERE yet, but it is a very real possibility...his wife is not giving me the payables, and mishandling the inventory receipt to bill, and guess who he is blaming....well i can't do what i cannot see/am not given, so i am what iffing that due to this ccard debt i have, just living, i am slow paying it down......so the what if's are creeping in, big time.....i so relate to you and what u r saying...your honest posts, really help me see i am not alone...so many of us, i bet, can relate....i am fear based...i never ever felt safe in my life, not really , can't remember ever being really SAFE.....so i am really doing meditations, slogans, et al to cast the burden of fear and frustration onto the universe and my HP within me......doing visuals of me sending them away.....freeing me from them..."return to sender" and i can relate to "steal my joy and happiness" being scared robs me of any joy/fun.....or if i manage to have some fun, the fear is in the back ground, just below the surface...........and thank YOU for posting....sending you hugs of support.........i SO relate
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Neshema, your share on never feeling safe hits home with me too. And it goes along with my hyper vigilance. I've always been a tense, on alert, type person. I don't know what I'm looking out for but I know I can't ever fully relax or I'll regret the consequences. I didn't realize how much fear I have lived with until Al Anon. It's amazing how much I am learning about myself and then taking that new information and applying it the way I have lived my life. This stuff is so difficult...yet so simple too. It really does take hitting bottom or reaching our breaking point before we are willing to open our mind to the chaos we've lived and the chaos we've created within ourselves.
I've always blamed my problems on my A father and my passive, unaffectionate mother. And of course without them in my life who knows what kind of person I would be today, but there are also good things about myself that came out of my dysfunctional upbringing that other people lack.
El-cee, thank you. I am humbled by the honesty in your post and I really resonate and connect with what you are going through. Fear is horrible, I hate it so much and it's hard to stop the mind from 'what if..ing' once it gets going, for me anyway. Today my mind has what..if he rings me and says he will go to AA, what if he calls and asks again if we can try harder, what if he turns on on Saturday....
I love Jerry's suggestion of 'what if not...', gonna try that one myself. When I think about 'what ifs' it makes me realise that on some level my mind is trying to control the future again and if I run with this type of thinking and let myself buy into it my anxiety is going to keep going through the roof. Then I realise when my mind is 'what if..ing' I am forgetting that I can't control the future, that my HP knows what is right for me and THIS MOMENT is the only thing that exists, right now, this moment, the future does not exist yet and I tell myself to focus on now. One thing that works for me when I am in this what if bind is saying the serenity prayer and dropping the anchor technique so... I describe to myself everything I can, touch, taste, smell and/or hear in as much detail as possible and I say it out loud if I have to, and when I am done I say to myself that I am safe. That's what I am doing to get through those what...if moments El-cee. Thinking of you, R.
