The material presented
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Gawh, I miss you folks! I have spent a little time reading some post over the last few months, but haven't really been able to "plug in" and reply to them because by the time I get here, I am wiped out from a day of work, an evening of meeting, spending time with sponsees, being present and available in a relationship, etc. It's usually in the late night hours, or so early at the beginning of a day, that I'm just trying to get enough coffee down my throat to hear my head pop out of my as...... LOL
Well, this year, from around late February until just this week, I have had solid work, pressure washing and painting homes. I think that if I could count all my days off, it would not exceed 10, minus the 4 days spent in Akron, OH in July. And those off days have been spent catching up on things that need to be done around my own home. So, real down time has been scarest for me.
Relationship is going well. As, some of you know, my A GF just celebrated a year of sobriety. During her 21 years of being in AA. she has had far more sober days than drunk ones, but for whatever reason, the year mark seemed like an unobtainable mile stone. This is her first time putting together a full year. There are some real differences in how she is working the program though, so that is very likely the "how" of her being able to do it this time. She attends meetings several times a week, has a great female sponsor, has worked the steps with this sponsor, is a member of a very active home group, and has put together a very strong support network of sober people around her. Now on the relationship side of things; well, it has had a few rocky moments over the year but it appears we are both committed to finding solutions to our problems instead of living in or with the problem. Acceptance, Detachment and Gratitude goes a long way when they are in play during our troubling times. Being a sober alcoholic myself, I can understand some of the dynamics of what we were up against, especially in the earlier part of this year of being together. So I had to step back, allow her the room and dignity to find her way, make the mistakes that all of us A's have made or make, sort through things with her sponsor and simply trust the process of recovery to unfold in her life. We joke around a lot and say stuff, like.."even with my 25 years, I am still not qualified to sponsor her, and with her year, she surely isn't qualified to sponsor me. So, let's leave that work to the more qualified members!" LOL This is a woman that was dying from this disease, just over a year ago. In a hospital, in an alcohol induced coma. Today, I can see the words of "happy, joyous and free" in her daily life, in her words, in her facial expressions and in the eyes. She was asked to be the speaker at her home group speaker meeting, and told her story to the group about a week ago. What an awesome story of hope and a strong message that the program works when it's really worked! As a result a woman asked her to be her sponsor. The newcomer had less than 48 hours sober and was shaking like a leaf. She has plugged into this newcomer with a ton of love and as I write this, she is sitting in a court room with the newcomer who is facing a DWI charge today. I am her husbands sponsor, who like myself is a sober alcoholic in Al-Anon. I have sponsored him for the past 2 years in Al-Anon. He has been sober for just over 5 years in AA. We both smile and agree, that God might work and show up in the 11th hour, but He didn't show up too late. For any of us. I know that without Al-Anon, there is absolutely no way I could have retained my sanity prior to my GF getting sober. It was literally heartbreaking to watch her slowly dying from this disease just over a year ago. AA saved my life without a doubt, but I truly believe that Al-Anon saved my sanity. This experience in it's totality really brought home the powerlessness over alcohol (step 1). Mine or others. That a power much greater than ourselves has to be enlisted to bring relief to the suffering from this disease, no matter what side of the fence we are sitting on. Today, our home, our lives in general is a place of love, peace, serenity and sobriety. I pray daily thanking the God of my understanding for this gift and ask that He watch over us as we continue this journey called life. I am kinda proud of myself too... when my GF ask me a question about what to do, or how to do it, in relation to her new sponsee, my standard reply has become, "I'm not real sure, you might want to ask your sponsor and see what she says". I don't have to have all the answers today. Why mingle with what works by inserting my almighty two cents into it. :) Just trying to stay out of God's way! LOL
My son; Well, his first few letters from prison were so victim oriented. It was every one else's fault that he found himself locked up. Blaming, blaming, and blaming. His childhood, his mother, me; (his father), his ex wife.. blah, blah, blah. I just replied with the facts and love. He made decisions, acted on them and that is singularly what is responsible for his ending up in prison. I never took ownership of his blame. It wasn't mine to own. Well, I got a letter from him recently that was like from an alien from another planet. He didn't blame, he didn't point fingers, he took full responsibility for his situation. He made some amends in it to me. Finally seems to have grasp that it wasn't any thing he was pointing at that got him locked up, but instead it was his alcoholism and addiction that were to blame. Big time progress. Has me almost shaking my head wondering where the hell my son is?? LOL I haven't yet replied but that is on my to-do-list after I have posted here today. He says he is attending both AA and NA meetings inside and that it is helping him better understand things about himself and this disease. He also has been transferred to a minimum security prison unit that is only about 15 minute drive from my home. Before he was 5 hours away. I am someone who likes to believe people and believe in people, but my brain is busy trying to figure out what angle he is trying to play from now. For me to send him some commissary money to put on his books, or to tie himself into someplace to go upon his release in March? I wish I could just take what I hear from him at face value and not be so suspicious but I think I still know him. Maybe I don't. Maybe a drastic change has taken place within him. I surely hope so. Time always tells the truth. So, I am going to write to him and see what it takes to visit him this next weekend. Who knows, I might find out that I was right... my son, the one I know is gone and replaced by an alien I don't have a clue about! LOL What I do know for a fact is that God does show up in court rooms, hospitals and jail houses. So, there is hope... there is always hope.
Work, plenty of it this past year. I always take before and after pictures of the work I do. Big jobs and little jobs. I wish I could just throw them up here (pics) for ya'll to see. Some really good jobs with good money behind them. Where I am still struggling is finding reliable, trustworthy help. I would love to be able to put the work together; do the marketing, the estimates, etc and have a guy or two to send out on the job to get it done to the standards I would gladly pay for if I was the homeowner, but I am finding that paying people by the hour has only resulted in them eating the clock on a job, and for what I feel is substandard work quality. When I pay someone else, I hate it when I have to go back and redo the work to bring it up, or have to pay someone twice to do it right once! But, I know this might be more about me than it is about any one else. I am a perfectionist and want everyone else to meet standards that I can barely reach. I haven't given up trying to find that guy or two but then I have to be able to trust at the same time, and that is a hard one for me when it comes to work. My name is attached to it (personal and business) no matter who does it. When someone is completely happy, they might tell 3 people about it, but when someone isn't they will tell the world about it and I need to know that I am making a lot of people happy with the results of the work they hire me to get done. I don't want to have to babysit the men I put to work and I feel like that is what happens most the time. I guess it comes with the territory of being a small business owner. But all things considered, I have no room to complain about anything really. Of course, work comes to almost a grinding halt during the holiday season, usually starting just after Thanksgiving and going through to the New Year. So, I have to hold things together by a string during those few months, but come mid-late February, I am seeing light again and people are finished spending all their money on Holiday related stuff and back to taking care of their home needs again. Right now I am pushing interior painting to help get me through the holidays and winter months ahead. We'll just have to see how it all pans out. I just have to keep believing that God has my back as long as I do the next right thing... He makes sure the next right thing happens.
So, that's what is going on in my life today. Just trying to stay focused on what I need to be doing, and letting God be God. :)
I miss and love ya'll bunches!
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Hi John thank you so very much for the beautifully written inspiring post . I agree completely Al-Anon did truly save my sanity and my life..As you stated, Acceptance , gratitude and detachment are the true keys to living life on life's terms and negotiating a successful relationship.
I am happy that your business is booming, your partner has achieved a one-year milestone in AA and that you are seeing progress in your son. All such powerful examples of taking the actions and letting go of the results.
Thank you for your dedication to recovery and keeping the MIP Boards active and viable.
So nice to hear from you and work is good. I hate those lean times...makes for worry and fear sometimes.
I too have a alien son that I can only pray is on the right path. He still have 15 months to do so that will give him plenty of time to show if he has it or not. I do visit him and but money on his account so he's not completely without and he is so thankful and grateful all in one. He doesn't stop talking for 4 straight hours about world affairs, his sobriety and what he's learning though reading and going to classes. I guess he's limited to who he can talk to about all this stuff. There is not one complaint about him being the victim. He blames only himself for his whole life and what he has done with it and how he hopes to change it for the better.
I so happy that life is treating you and yours better and I pray it continues.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
John, I forgot how good you are at writing down what im feeling and what I need to hear. Im glad your busy and your gf is dojng well. As for your son, I can relate completely, I love what you said about time always telling the truth. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome back, John. I'm happy to see that you are enjoying abundant life and have two happy problems: finding good help and letting truth unfold in relationship to your son.
This sounds like a "life on life's terms" post John with your choices blended in. Alien son...yeppers I got one of those too. Was up close and personal with him yesterday and then didn't do the up close part as close later on. Alien...aliens...his wife and daughter were also there...sad and sick and I ain't got the prescription they would listen to. I've used guys in the program to cover some of the work I contracted in the past...not much problem...some and not much. Its about progress yeh? Hugs and congratulations to your Lady friend...Yeah, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has completely followed our program". (((hugs)))
Thank you everyone! Your understanding and support is so powerful. In this mist of all this, I am also in the process of being a non smoker. I am truly going to give it my all this time. Half measures availed me nothing :) A few prayers in my behalf related to this endeavor would surely help as well.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
You have them. Peace Pilgrim was once asked how she stopped smoking. She said she just stopped. Then she walked the earth spreading a message of peace and hope wherever she went. When you stop smoking, you might find that you will also have a new message to share with others even more potent and powerful than it already is?
I discovered that when I smoked, I was actually trying to stop myself from expressing exactly what was in my mind and on my heart. I had learned in my FOO that it was dangerous to be the truth teller in the family and so I'd stop myself from doing that by "sucking on my pacifier" when I got to be about 19 years old (that and I wanted to stop being told I had a baby face by my adult co-workers who smoked - dumb, huh?). Later in life I learned from a therapist that my saying what was true about what I saw was actually a strength - not a weakness - no matter how people reacted to it.
Who knows what messages may be in your mind and on your heart that the world is meant to hear in your little corner of it? Looking forward to whatever comes out of your mouth when you stop smoking.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 6th of November 2014 02:09:09 PM
I stopped smoking 2 yrs ago, I used chewing gum, lozenges and patches, sometimes altogether, it done the trick, although im still taking the lozenges, still need the nicotine hit. Good luck john.
Nicotine dependency is a set up in the brain for many just like alcoholism. Some of us were hard-wired for this issue although we might not have known it. Some of us just developed a bad habit and just had to stop the habit - addiction. Others of us are chemically dependent because the brain is seeking a way to counterbalance the blip in the brain waves and nicotine is the way of it. Those of us who are chemically dependent on it cannot just stop without help. 12 step groups, patches, lozenges can be that help per scientist studies on chemical dependencies and the working of the brain. Better the patches, lozenges, gum and any meds prescribed by the physician than not stopping at all per the scientists I listened to in the workshops I attended a few years ago. So, if you need help, John, and can't stop because its a dependency and not just an addiction, it looks as if there's a host of helping things out there. Nicotine dependency is not the same as an alcohol dependency according to research. Abstinence from drinking can also result in not craving alcohol because there is an allergy involved to the alcohol that gets revved up by drinking one drink. Nicotine dependency continues whether one smokes or not according to some in the field of addictions and dependencies.
Thank you everyone! Your understanding and support is so powerful. In this mist of all this, I am also in the process of being a non smoker. I am truly going to give it my all this time. Half measures availed me nothing :) A few prayers in my behalf related to this endeavor would surely help as well.
John
Oh I am soo late responding, reading all the positives in your post, WOW...lots of good stuff, but i am replying to this one, particularly b/c I am gonna send you NO SMOKE energy, oh i hope u can make it this time......i used to "play" with cigs, not really inhaling, but i played w/them, then crunched them up one day and i tossed them...i had this job as an interiour landscaper and boss said "no" to cigs...so i quit, but i heard that its hard to quit....my sister is still "sneaking" a ciggy here and there, bro in law managed to quit...and he gained weight, b/c he eats better now........sending you BIG healing energy for this..........Cheering you on to QUIT those things, lol.......you can do it....just keep saying "i can i can i can" and carry a lot of gum and those candies that are fruit w/natural coatings that are kinda sweet but tart?? heard that stuff helps........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
