The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I missed the meeting I wanted to go to today because I didn't want to deal with the anger/insults when I left the house to go. He was home all day and we had a bunch of projects to do in the house. (Well, I did most of the work. He yelled when I did things the "wrong" or "inconsiderate" way. Lately when he lectures me I talk back and stand up for myself saying things like "I AM a successful and smart woman, so NO I'm actually not incompetent", It's a lot like I did when my mom or dad verbally abused me as a kid/teen. I am a little bit proud of my new reactions to his lectures and rages because it means he didn't break me.)
Anyway, back on topic! Today was just hard hard hard and I couldn't leave to go to my meeting. I'm sad about that.
I thought to myself today 'i hate my life.' In a lot of ways my life is great and I'm happy. But then in a lot of ways, I hate it. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
Ok- this post has very little structure. I guess I just needed to share.
I am glad that you responded to his rage by validating yourself-- Good work . We have an on line meeting here tonight so maybe you can attend .
Making gratitude, and asset lists and valadating myself when needed ,helped to resstore me to a true love of my life.
One day you will find the way to leave for a meeting without concern for the anger or rage.
Glad you are here.
I'm a little bit proud of you too. I talk that way to my A all the time now. "Excuse me, I am a competent, intelligent woman and what you are saying is really insulting and unkind and I won't listen to it"
You have to say it a bunch of times before you really believe it. Keep at it, good on you for validating yourself. For me that was the first step, saying no to his awful descriptions of me and giving my own. I also grew up with a lot of put-downs and insults.
Good on you for saying who you are.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
