Typical sucker me - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Typical sucker me

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I did my time as a landlord and over and over again I heard lies, manipulations, more lies...I wanted to believe "this time it would be different". In looking back, I had gut instincts that told me "no" to each one but I quickly moved into my head into those beliefs that "people honor their words". The error was on me because I did not listen to my intuition. Maybe it was my lesson to learn that my body does not lie, my head will, but my body does not. I am sorry this has happened to you Debilyn, such a feeling of betrayal.

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Very good EHS PP. I think I am just discovering my body does not lie. It is ringing and I was not listening mostly because I wanted to be perceived as a "nice" person. Nice people do this...nice people do that.... Thanks for the ESH!!!!! I needed a reminder!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry this happened Deb. fter a few such incidents Ie learned to do business in the usual fashion with contracts and written legal agreements i am protected as is the other person.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Gosh, Deb. I see this as a good news-bad news thing. The good news is they are no longer on your land and you no longer have to try to work with them. You are free. On the other hand, you're out $300 - at least from them. My hope is that your HP will be stepping in in some way that you can't see yet to make up the difference for you. (((D)))

I've been the landlord for 2 tenants. One was even in seminary. What a pain. I set up a month to month lease so I wouldn't be stuck with them for a year if things didn't work out and I wanted that same freedom for them. I also made sure that they paid a deposit to include cleaning and the last month's rent. Both wanted those deposits back so they did what they needed to do and I didn't lose anything other than my desire to rent again. We also didn't part friends even with that easy month to month lease and deposit protection. One was mad at me because I "acted like I was his landlord" when he was late with his rent. The other was mad at me because he was bringing beer into our facility even when it was spelled out in the tenant agreement that alcohol was not allowed and agreed to prior to his becoming a tenant. He also didn't arm our facility, left it, with the back door standing wide open in an inner city neighborhood that was filled with thieves, rapists and addicts. I called him on both things and also gave him 24 hours notice prior to inspecting his apartment in our building after finding a beer bottle in the trash. The nerve of me!!! Expecting him to do what he agreed to do and calling him on it when he didn't. Inspecting his apartment as was our agreement in the case of violation to include finding evidence of alcohol in a non-profit that was responsible for the well-being of children and very vulnerable adults. I'd be mad at me, too, especially when I couldn't get away with bad behavior.

Those of us who have rented space or property have also had some negative experiences. It does come with the territory of renting to people we don't really know until they live with us or in our owned property. Even in this, you're not alone. You also lived according to your value system and they lived according to theirs. I like your value system. The others - not so much! (((D)))

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 1st of November 2014 09:13:16 PM

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Deb I really agree with Grateful... I hope you are not too hard on yourself!!! I like your value system as well

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I`m also with "Just for today I will live thru this day only" and "Take the bitter with the better" and "Sometimes I just don't know how it is and how it will turn out to be". Al-Anon lessons. Yeppers I have done the rental management stuff and the majority of it has been good to very good and I'm still available to do it for one remaining client. I have had that one bad situation where all the contracts and pre-rental stuff was done and in order and still had an elder lady not only skip on the last payment and also the deposit and then had the cops come against me for securing personal stuff they left on the property after abandonment. They stood by while the renter collected the stuff while still owing rent and leaving which cites then that what is left on the property becomes the property of the owner. Its over now...mind, body, spirit and emotions. My expectations are better than their behaviors...gosh!! isn't that soooo alcoholic? ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I have faith and it is all ok.

Just rented land, they had the fifth wheel. Hoped this would make it easier. It did in lots of ways.

I do see the good. Soooo I already have interest in renting property for horses etc. THAT I can handle. lol

Got that gut feeling after they took advantage the first time..

Soooo will stick to animals only. Pretty sad really. sigh

thank you you guys!

I think I will get my animals and me in a livestock trailor and ride off to the sunset and live in a teepee!!!! Have to be a huge one huh?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

People let us down, it is sad, but true. I had to pay a security deposit where I live that was equal to my last months rent to keep me from doing that, And although it seems like a lot to come up with, but at least it is done and I know I will be willing to clean up this place before I leave to get as much of it back as I can. You are a trooper and have such a big heart, it is sad that people can and will take advantage, but that is how some people are, not all! I am sending you much love and support!

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I don't see you as a sucker. I see you having old world values, values that still do exist in some places. In some cultures, a handshake is your word, it's the contract between you. In some ways becoming a faster world has led to more selfishness and less accountablity to others.

You might be surprised to get a "how are you" email or text from some far off place or even from the very town where you live some day from this couple. I'm doing a bit of projecting here from personal experience of course with an exah and some past unhealthy friends who didn't take responsibility and would later try get back into my good graces with manipulation to relieve any feelings of guilt and also try to leave the door open with a "soft touch" because they might need me for something again. Maybe it's too much to assume these people feel any guilt about skipping out without paying you. Sometimes I worry that lack of accountability feels natural to some people (not all) whose mode of communication is texting and the internet instead of face to face contact. Maybe it's just me, but it seems everybody's face is buried in their phone in public rather than striking up a conversation with someone. I have to wonder if this really retards people's social skills and ability to successfully communicate with other people eye to eye.

I am really sorry this happened to you, Debilyn. Maybe having a contract is best and taking security up front - separating out business from any potential friendship with future tenants. I know you're disappointed because you got to know these people on a more personal level. Here is where I get caught up. I may believe from talking with someone that their ethics are the same but it takes a long time to know another person and even then you never know what people will do if they feel under pressure. Anyway, this too shall pass. Live and learn huh. ((((hugs)))) TT

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((((((((((Deb)))))))))))))))))) I owned a couple of rental houses with my X AH#2.....as a landlord i was petitioned ea month re taking off on rent to "repair" someting OR the old move out w/out paying rent or giving notice...i got a property manager to mitigate this for me, but it only put a bandaid on the games people can play re: renting from a private owner....these big apartments wmanagement companies who have all the legal help they need, fair out ok, i guess, but we small timers, yea, the con games, rip offs, and BS is a plenty

this is why i won't rent a room in my house, why i sold my 2 little houses that i was renting....i was done w/the worrying and the fighting for my rent and the clean up when they would move, and the house looked like a landfill.....

so sorry this happened to a good person....now i give out room to my pets and they pay no rent, get into the trash, sometimes pee on floor if i am late getting off work, but they protect me, greet me at the door, play tug o war with me and they love me unconditional an have NO desire to move out on me.....done with the "sharing of my assets" (now i only have this one home in which i live) with people and their efforts to "put it to me"......

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