The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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level.
You won't believe it but I just deleted my post while trying to edit it....I am such a numpty with technology at times lol ...I was going to add that I have had a light bulb moment ... the feelings I'm experiencing WILL pass...I need to let go and trust that everything will work out as my HP intends for me. Where I am now is where I am meant to be. I am at the start of a new healthier life...As hard as it is at the moment, it is a moment in time where I know that I have made the right decision before I lost the plot entirely, and there is a kind of freedom in being able to acknowledge that. So...as wrung out as I feel after these past few weeks, I think I feel a bit brighter...
-- Edited by rainbow on Saturday 1st of November 2014 05:58:01 AM
Hugs .. LOL .. I hate it when I do that and figure ohhhh well I said to much apparently.
One of the biggest gifts of alanon for me has been not having to control the outcome of what I think is best .. my best thinking got me here so I think I'm ok with changing that part of the deal .. if that was my best thinking Lord only knows what my worst thinking would be .. LOL
Glad you are feeling stronger. I call those the Alice down the rabbit hole experience .. I always feel better at the end of the tunnel and I'm starting to learn to enjoy the ride. :)
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
As we make changes in our lives, live in the moment and let go of what we can not change things will continue to get better. It takes time and lots of practice to continue to move towards serenity with ourselves. Not easy but that's why this is a forever program.
Keep up the good work
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I'm glad you deleted your post if it meant that I got to read this one! This is such a hopeful, inspirational piece that I know I'll return to it again to read. It really resonates with me at this time especially due to changes I've made. I think just about any of us can read this post and find some hope in it. Thank you for sharing. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks ((((everyone)))). Thought I would update you on my progress...
When I woke up today I prayed to my HP. I asked for help and guidance and told HP that I am letting go and leaving it up to Him to decide what is best for me today. And what a wonderful day it was!
First, I spoke to a friend and told her about leaving A and the trip I am planning early next year and she asked if she could come with!
Then I was driven by my eldest daughter (and co-pilot grandson) to Bondi Beach where we met my youngest daughter (surprise, she had flown up from Melbourne to for her birthday hugs!) and we had wonderful brunch together, laughing and chatting. A was not even mentioned once! I didn't even think of him!
Then I was asked if I would like to take my grandson back to his dad as my daughter was going out to a Hens party, which meant I could take him for ice cream and play ball in the park first! Fantastic! After my precious little package was delivered safe and sound to dad, I drove home with radio blaring, singing and smiling from ear to ear!
Then my ex-A called to ask about the day (he must have seen FB). Unbelievable!!!!! I picked up because it was a private number. I told him that it was not appropriate to call me any longer for a social chat. As he was on the phone, I briefly tried to discuss some arrangements with our grandson for this week, but he was slurring his words and irritable, so I thought "stuff it, don't continue the conversation, he won't remember anyway" and I bid him good evening.
I have an open mind. One day at a time. Oh, and no more picking up private numbers...if they don't ID themselves then they can leave a message...
Today was a difficult day insofar as the temptation to call A was nearly killing me lol. I recognised that this was a harmful habit that I am conditioned to doing over many years (we used to speak every day when we were not together). I told myself I have to surf the urge and not call him and the need to call soon passes, within a minute or so.
Instead of calling I kept my phone right next to me and at the same time turned to Courage to Change if I got the urge. If I put my phone out of sight, then I will just be triggered every time I see the phone. Whenever I have the urge to call, I have been picking up this little gem of a book or else I look at the cover and think about yesterday and today's reading, which were on trusting my HP and getting a sponsor! Talk about divine timing, I must say! I keep asking my HP for help to get thought just today. I've been guided to reading Paths to Recovery, Step 3 whenever I need to in order to reinforce that what I am doing is the right thing for me because that is what my HP intends if I am to break free from the world of A. Can't cope with love songs on the radio though...not yet anyway!
I'm feeling strong today and I noticed this weird feeling that took me a while to work out...then I realised for the first time for what seems like forever, I felt like I respected myself a bit and that made the urge to call go away for ages.
