The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I react because I feel attacked, as a person my whole being feels violated, that is my responce to someone not understanding me or knowing me well enough to know that by singling me out they challenge my very being, I don't ever go looking for trouble and I would avoid it at all costs but every now and then I am on the receiving end of someone elses bad day, I am like this because I care, and
I care deeply about things and people, I have attacked too on provocation, and thats the part about me I don't like and have to work hard on,
The way I see it now is that its my reponsibility to have boundaries in place that dont allow attacks to continue. Its on us to take care of ourselves. To put our wellbeing into the hands of an alcoholic is irresponsible. Being attacked is intolerable. Its not on the alcoholic to change its on us to change. I put my life, my mental health, my value and worth into the hands of an alcoholic, thats insanity right there. All that is mine to look after. Expecting people to understand you is expecting too much in my experience. Ive been working on me for a while now and I only understand myself to a point. I cant expect anyone else to understand me. I can only expect courtesy, respect and Its only me that can put a stop to whatever it is I dont like.
Its not easy to get to the stage where you say it once and if it continues than you leave the presence of someone who is verbally abusive. Its like training people to treat you the way you want to be treated. Show, through action that you mean what you say. Justifying your views, actions, behaviour to an alcoholic is like handing over your power and control, its giving yourself away. The alanon program taught me to claim myself back.
Hi Katy, I "reacted" for the same reasons . When Al-Anon had me observe my motives and my actions in a detached fashion I discovered that by" Re acting" I was never "acting " in my own best interest.
MY" Reactions "were automatic and other focused. I became angry and attacked. When I accepted the fact that by" reacting" I was giving my power to the other and not acting as I would like I decided to learn how to respond. In responding I found I kept the focus on myself, could say what I meant without saying it mean and attacking the other. It is a much more honest and constructive way to live.
