The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't seem to scrape myself off the bottom. My alcoholic has been sober for 24 days. I should be celebrating, but I'm in tears, I feel so bad I almost want to end the relationship. I never felt this alone when he was drinking and I'm so confused. I know I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what it is. I'm afraid to talk to him, I'm afraid anything will make him drink. I can't handle the pressure. I know escape isn't the answer but it's the only thing I can think about. I don't think he has any idea how unhappy I am. But of course, I can't tell him.....
Welcome, aim. Maybe you think you can't tell him how unhappy you are but you can tell you as you have done. Then, reach out to others, as you have done. Good choices. Even though he's been sober 24 days, that doesn't mean everything is great. It's just different than it might have been 25 days ago. Alcoholism affects the drinker and it also affects us is life shattering ways. We learned how to play a role in an alcoholic relationship and when that role no longer seems to fit, we recognize all sorts of things about ourselves that were covered up by our perpetual focus on the A and not on ourselves. As crummy as you feel, this is really a good place to be - the place where you admit you need help because you do. Al-Anon meetings are the help we suggest. Most - if not all of us - have thought and felt the same way you are. Al-Anon recovery work for ourselves helps us make necessary changes to our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We learn that our lives are not contingent on what the A does or doesn't do. We learn to be self-loving and how to detach from the A in ways that help us grow and allows the A to be responsible for themselves and their own lives. I hope you will find some meetings in your are and attend them. They will be a big help for you if you keep an open mind. Please come back here, too.
Welcome aim --you feel so awful because you have been affected by living with the disease of alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a progressive ,fatal disease that affects the alcoholic spiritually, emotionally and physically. We who live with the disease are affected spiritually, emotionally and physically because of trying to deal with the insanity of the illness. I am happy that your partner has sought recovery in AA and I urge you to seek out a program of recovery for yourself.
Al-Anon is that program. Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is in the white pages. Recovery from this disease is a long-term process. Attending meetings helps break the isolation, provide you with supportive tools to live by and supportive people who understand his few others can. Please keep coming back here as well you are not alone
Funny story here. There was this woman who tried for years and years and years to do anything and everything to get her husband to stop drinking. One day he found recovery and he stopped drinking. Then instead of her being happy that he wasn't drinking anymore she felt even more alone than when he was drinking. One night as he was preparing to go to a meeting she got so mad at him she threw a shoe at him. That night she realized she needed help just as much as he did. That night was the beginnings of Al-Anon. The night when Lois W. threw a show at one of the founders of AA, Bill W.
I agree with the previous posts. When I felt similar to what you shared and wanting to throw worse than a shoe at my ex A I found Al-Anon. Just walking through the door and being with likeminded and people who were at where I was at and with people who had been where I had been was relieving and gave me my first tastes of serenity.
You're not alone and you're in the right place.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Hi there, have you made it to extra al-anon meetings and reading al-anon literature during your spiraling times? Those things helped me keep my sanity and take care of me and my program. Although I believe only he can take care of him and manage his sobriety, the best thing you can do is for you to dive into taking care of you. I am sorry you are feeling this way and I am glad you are here. Keep coming back! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Your title is somewhat poignant to me. Since my wife has become sober, this Cheryl Crow song has rung true to me. Before it was just an interesting irony, but now I live it often enough.
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
Yes, getting sober is great. but we still have baggage left over from them being drunk. There are some things that I liked about her being drunk to tell the truth. not many, but some. And then there are the truths that she now has to deal with, which I also have to deal with, of why did she pick up a drink in the first place, before she became alcoholic? Yes, there is a lot for both of us to work through.
Sometimes I just hate it. There is so much open that I would rather sweep under the rug. I'm just a sweep it under the rug kind of guy. But wife is forcing things out in the open, she has to for her recovery. and I have to for mine. But it's hard.
This is a wonderful place where you will find many people who can understand your situation in ways you wouldn't believe. I have felt the same way as you do, in fact the early days of my husband turning away from alcohol were some of the most difficult for me to cope with.
Change is uncomfortable, even positive change. And as the pressure of AH's tantrums declined I discovered that I had a ton of adrenalin flying around my system. I did not know what to do with all that energy! And I was soooo angry! The best thing that I managed to do was to take my focus away from AH and onto myself, to gift myself things that I enjoyed. I found that these things started to sooth me. I trusted AH to follow his own path. I gave him space - and discovered that I needed some of my own space as well. It takes time, please be gentle with yourself. You have time ahead of you to adjust. Sending ((((hugs))))) and prayers for calm and peace.
