After attending a F2F meeting this week that I hadn't been to in a while and realizing how far I have come in my 5+ years of Al-Anon, I looked back on some of my previous posts on this board. This one is from April 2012. Wow, I'm so grateful to have this program. I hope this post will be helpful to some of you who are struggling in an alcoholic marriage:

My AH and I have decided to proceed with a divorce. We've been separated for a year as of this weekend and between his continued drinking problem and our financial mess due to his poor business decisions (albeit, decisions that were made with a pickled brain), there were really no other options left. I was open to a legal separation, but he said, for him, it's "in or out- no in between."

There is a deep sadness in my heart right now, but at the same time a sense of relief that I can move forward with my life and to find the peace that I so dearly desire.

I'm so glad to have been able to have the support of my HP, Al-Anon sponsor, and my therapist in order to prepare for the tough decision I have come to and also to help me with the conversation I had today with my AH. It went much more civilally than I thought it would. No meanness, no hang ups, no yelling or blaming. Just two people coming to a decision in a respectful way. I know that I have a tough journey ahead of me as I go through the divorce process and beyond, but for today, I'm doing okay and moving forward. Thanks for letting me share.

Another additional post I added the next day:

Thank you, everyone, for your support and kind words. I've been married for 30 years- more than half my life. I can't believe he just laid down and didn't have anything to say. I know that I need to move on and that I have made so much progress since joining Al-Anon. I tried to stay for two years, but like Aunt Yaya said, it takes two to keep a relationship going.

For those of you who are early on in your relationship with your AH, I won't give you advice, but just tell you what worked for me. I will tell you that there were red flags that I chose to ignore or hide. I keep thinking that things would get better if I would just be there for him. Instead of him getting better, we both got worse. His drinking binges became more and more frequent (and then affected his health, finances and legal status), and I became depressed and physically affected (my blood pressure and weight went up with each passing year). Get to Al-Anon meetings, read the literature, get a sponsor. Give the alcoholic in your life up to his HP and trust in your HP to also take care of you. This is just would I would suggest. Take what you like and feel free to leave the rest.

I regret that I didn't get help sooner. I'm not sure if it would have saved my marriage, but I would have been in a better place much sooner and I think my kids would have been in a healthier state of mind today as well.

Hugs and God bless,

Green Eyes

-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 06:27:36 PM