First i want to thank all of you for the comforting hug and offerings of wisdom with this death of my BFF's sister who was also very special to me.......posting here and getting out of myself to share on another, offering my best within me to others, helped me stay level on my own growing anxiety, not hearing from "S" till today.....Hanging out here with you guys and working hand to hand was more of a blessing than i can say....i tell my kids..there are times when ya just cannot do anything about something and you may be struggling with a dilemma of your own...reach out and interact w/others...help someone if you can...doing that, by default, i am detaching from my own stuff over which i am powerless and letting it go....

talked with "S" today...her daughter has left,  sibs have left so "S" has been alone since last night b/c her sibs have jobs and daughter had to get back home to husband and child...so "S" said she did a lot of crying,  she did tell me she did her meds....and is doing about as good as she can 

AND she has been elected to do eulogy.......she is "what do i do?? what do i say????"  I told her i would help her and wold make notes for her and for her to just be herself and show her heart

I told her when you all lay Janet to rest, folks will browse the cemetery, on their way to the graves of their own loved ones and they will see all kinds of headstones, some big, some small, some cracked, unkempt, some neat with tidy gardening, some w/flowers regularly delivered and some with none..... and ALL of them will have a birth date  and a death date...the mason who carves the stone will take a long time carving those 2 dates, and only 20 min or so to do the "dash" between....That "dash" is the single most important carving on that stone, yet it takes the least amount of time to create....I told "S" that SHE can help the ones at the service get to know, or be reminded of  Janet's "Dash"

they will smile at the young girl who took care of her siblings while her dad pushed a tractor/trailor from MA to CA and back again for another load cross country, and while mom worked the night shift at the state hospital in town, and she picked nights b/c Janet was the only one she trusted w/her younger children....I don't think Janet would have had it any other way, thinking back...

"S" can talk about Janet's mischief and how she "trained all of us well" in that department, all the while TELLING us, that we can be kinda "naughty" but NEVER EVER let her catch any of us hurting anyone..........How when i came into the family, a skinny, fearful, habitual runaway, always at dinner time b/c you could smell Janet's cooking all the way from that big white house with the longish dirt driveway  that always reminded me of the Addams family home on the OUTside  to main street where i would be walking..........how she would see me coming and toss in another bouillon cube, another potato, some extra seasonings and  voilla....dinner for 9 instead of 8....She would assign me to younger sis "M" s room b/c there was two twin beds in that room

how when "S" got pneumonia, it was Janet who made sure she took her medicine, was tucked in her bed all warm and Janet would leave the night light on for "S" b/c "S" didn't like being left in the dark...She would close "S" s door so it was open maybe 8" or so and assure "S" that nobody was gonna get past her to scare "S"...

how Janet was not so tactile or "wordy" about her love for her family, and us young refugees from bad homes who "grew" on her  but words weren't her thing...ACTION was....it was "ok" for her to "cuff" one of us up side of the head for doing something wrong, but don't anyone outside dare to touch any of us....

How when she got married, still quite young, barely 20 and her door was always open to us kids who wanted  a fun place to "hang out" at and always good food in the fridge.....

How sickness in her body never kept her from taking care of her responsibilities and how you could call her in the middle of the night, needing a wise one to talk with and she would answer the call

Shes gone in the physical form now, but her legacy and memory lives on in all of us who were lucky enough to know her and be in her life short term or long term....

She was a good soul...I learned a lot from her, that loyalty and honour and honesty and doing the right thing are things that we can choose to embrace and NO one  but NO one can take that away from us......

So yours truly will write the eulogy , in note form, so "S" can pour over it and use it as a guide.....this is sort of a sketch of what i will give to "S"...I want this to be "S"'s gift, so i will just do this , in an email, in note form so "S" can put HER seasonings on it........

anyway, just wanted to say that "S" is hanging in there, lots of tears, but also lots of heart....shes my buddy...she comes from good stock.....we aren't dna related, but i have always been part of the clan and i have learned much and have been blessed even more being in this large clan