Feeling numb. Need to snap out of this - Al-Anon Family Group

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Feeling numb. Need to snap out of this

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,

I can so relate to your post I can only share my ESh and how I am dealing with a similar situation.

My partner has slipped after two years sober, he has been active again for 3 months.

The grief is hard and I want to reach out to him for comfort but I know this will just hurt more plus he broke a boundary and I need to stand firm.

So I have built a new support newt work of al anon friends.
I have been going to more meetings , getting more phone numbers and actually using them.

coming on here more.

I am building an even stronger relationship with my Hp.

I am spending more time with family and friends.

I am thinking of starting some new hobbies rambling is one I love walking in the country side.

I am in a lot of pain and I miss him so much but trying to get up and live my life.

hope this helps hugs tracy cccc

Hullibee · Senior Member

Hi Newlife girl. I can so relate to your post. I am sad and crying daily. I too want to be held by AH even though he moved out to be with gf. I'm sick about how needy I am. My mom who lives in Tennesee want to send my 81 year old Dad to come stay with me. I'm appalled. My AH would not come over if Dad was here visiting. I would be stuck with feelings. I don't want to offend parents but I don't need a chaperone either. He is still MY husband.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Tracy. It's so strange to me that I want to reach out to the person that is hurting me the most. I guess that's the definition of codependency. The way I feel is exhausting. I need to let go. I need to put him on nonperson status. That's a phrase I like when I need to ignore someone and take care of myself.

Hulllibee...sorry you are feeling bad too. It's ok to have boundaries with your parents. Take care of yourself.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm anxious myself right now. With the SO being a jerk, surgery and my son, I'm not in control and that is what makes me sad and upset, want a pity party and hugs all rolled up into one mind set. I'm a big codependent and that's a problem.

I will give you cyber (((( HUGS ))) in hopes that will help some.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Cathy. Hugs to you too! I already feel a little better by voicing my issues here.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you lots of encouragement, support and understanding.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayer, meetings, asset and gratitude lists helped me at times like this. However I did draw the line that if he was unfaithful he was gone. I knew enough to not damage my self esteem an self worth any further by accepting this unacceptable behavior.
You are not alone.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

My AH has not been unfaithful with other women. He has been unfaithful with alcohol and websites that insult me. He has been unfaithful by not keeping his word about many issues regarding junk and money...and working. My first husband was unfaithful with other women. At this point in my life, I am lumping all of these acts by both of them into one unfaithful pot.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Working your program will help in all the issues That is what the Steps are all about When we can clear up the past and learn the lessons that we were given we no longer have to repeat them.
Keep taking care of yourself You are worth it .

aquamom23 · Senior Member

Newlife girl, i believe you will be back. This clouds gotta rain then it too shall pass. Heaps i can identify with in this post of yours. (((hugs)))

-- Edited by aquamom23 on Monday 20th of October 2014 04:40:56 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

oh geez I did the payday loan thing too. Its horrible! Talk about stress. They made it illegal somehow in Oregon. or laws changed something so they are not here anymore.

I know the hug thing too. But there is that bread from hardware store again. He has nothing to give you. I had this wild thought just this morn newlife, I was thinking A got his social security, I wonder if he thinks of paying me some for all his taxes I paid for? lol right. I knew it was insane but after allll this time and bs I still thought that! lol

All I know my friend is when I cut off 100% my serenity grew and grew. YES it is hard at first and off and on since, but I have no regrets I am outa the pit and want to stay out.

I know you think crazy thoughts like him selling stuff, getting rid of crap cars etc. Someday you are going to say stop! let it go. then think about what YOU can do.

hugs!

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Debilyn. Maybe I could just get a tow truck and get rid of his junk vehicles myself. Hmmmm....what can I do??? Action sounds good.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Newlife girl wrote:
Thanks Debilyn. Maybe I could just get a tow truck and get rid of his junk vehicles myself. Hmmmm....what can I do??? Action sounds good.

it sounds like his patterns are never going to change...no recovery work = staying sick and harming those around them.....I like what everyone here says and i would listen to Betty's post b/c when we work out our pasts, clear up the old dead, rotting leaves of our pasts, and grieve it out, understand and accept the lessons, we do not have to re-do the same lesson..its done.....i do hope u stay and keep working on you....do you have a recovery mate that you feel kinda connected to that can maybe guide you on the steps and meets???? please take good care of you.....sending you hugs of support

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, Neshema I have a wonderful sponsor and a best friend. Thanks for asking. I am also in a divorce support group.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:
Prayer, meetings, asset and gratitude lists helped me at times like this. However I did draw the line that if he was unfaithful he was gone. I knew enough to not damage my self esteem an self worth any further by accepting this unacceptable behavior.
You are not alone.

soooo agree...adultery and abuse and HE IS GONE!!!!! I am soo sad reading all you ladies and the sadness and loss you all are experiencing, but Betty here is correct....yea,, tears and anger and grief are normal, but for me i set a limit on it and then get to work....i call a recovery mate if my sponsor is not available, i think of stuff that i am thankful for, i make me get up and do something nice for me.....and i can relate to the going back to your abuser for a hug......we are sentient, feeling beings and being held is a basic need.....i so relate...please please newlife don't feel ike a failure....you got into a bad relationship....our mistakes and misjudgements our need for love and hence the bad choices dont' define us, so please you are not alone......with alanon and healthy association here and the meetings an working w/sponsors or recovery mates you girls can turn this around....happiness is our divine right....but we gotta reach for it........i get lonely at times...i sometimes wonder if i will ever be anyones special one b/c i wasn't wanted as a baby, brutally abused, and married into bad marriages....looking desperate for love , i am codependent but that does not define me....I define me by my good character, albeit coda, and my honesty, openess to new ways of living, and my wilingness to work hard to change me.....we are all here b/c we were brave enough to reach out........some folks never reach out or accept that they need help....at least we did.....that is success, not failure in my opinion.....and as Betty says, I, too, will not damage my self esteem and self worth by letting ANYone abuse or desecrate me...................you girls are NOT alone....we are here...we are listening.....it makes me sad to see a bunch of sweet people and so much suffering....but we CAN change it ...together, WE CAN!!!! sending all of you hugs of support

Kelly123 · Veteran Member

First of all I love your costume idea.

Second of all what the ???renounce negativity??? that really gets me going. why doesn't he renounce his addiction. it reminds me of what AH#2 said to me, he said he is super chill and i'm the one that 's uptight. I'm like wait a minute aren't YOU the one with the drugging and drinking problem? the reason you're so chill is because you're half cut the entire time.

I don't have any wise advice because i'm going through my own crazy emotions right now too, but hang in there you are not alone.

have you ever thought of writing into one of those TV shows to see if your house could make it on the show? just a thought

I so understand the anger. Sounds like you are doing well considering all you have been through . big hugs

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Kelly....if you mean the show "Hoarders" I have told him many times he could star on it. Lol. It's not as bad as some of those shows I've seen, but it's bad enough! If they paid us, I would think about it. But he would refuse to do it, unless it paid enough maybe.

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