The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Baffling and cunning. Since putting my recovery to the fore,I've noticed a lot of guilt mists the edges of me. I feel guilty about releasing responsibility even when carryin all of it alone fails.there have been two topics that, leap out well actually three. Fear,isolating and playing martyr.having come to realise I'm co-dependently functioning in an alcoholic marriage, now I'm realising my survival tactics and actually I cant stand them. They are seriously hindering my life. Still don't know exactly how to address them,but can no longer deny that they exist. Feel so alone! Like an observer not a participant. Odaat.
Dear Aquamom, I really appreciate this topic today and can so identify with the feelings of fear, martyrdom and isolation. When I first entered the Al-Anon rooms, I too found these disturbing feelings at the bottom of most of my motives. They justified many of my destructive actions even though I was unaware of it. My denial and pretend you were so powerful that I had convinced myself that I was acting in a compassionate unselfish,loving manner when I was actually nurturing my bottom driving fear, martyrdom and need to isolate.
You have done well by recognizing these as Al-Anon will provide the tools that enabled me to let go of the need to isolate, by attending meetings, connecting with those truly understand and feeling as if I was part of the world once again.
My fear has been replaced with courage by developing a faith and my higher power and my growing self-esteem and self-worth developed from doing an asset and gratitude listing each day has eliminated my need for martyrdom.
Keep showing up, sharing, using these tools ODA T and your newfound healthy motives will evolve.
I share your feelings of fear and uncertainty. They are very paralyzingly feelings for me that come out when things are going particularly bad. I am trying to work on this with my HP. Remember you are not alone. Hugs!!
