The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've posted here before but it was once and has been quite some time ago.
Just got back from a very short road trip to visit a new guy who lives two hours away. He's moving to LA in a few weeks. We're only friends at this point (2nd date, really) and I got back this morning after staying there for two nights. Nothing physical at all happened between us. No kissing or anything, which is fine. I think I'm not ready and I think he sensed that. But I get back today and I'm really bummed.
The weather doesn't help and I took some b-complex vitamins to make sure that's not it, but it just leaves me feeling lonely and feeling like I had a wall up with him. I've been through some painful times but I also think that since he's leaving, I'm hesitant. There is also a considerable age difference...he's 52 and I'm 37. We had a great time and I like him fine, but I think because it seems like he's going through some issues, it just felt right not to complicate the situation any further.
Anyway, I'm just sad because I miss having someone in my life. But I think I'm feeling even worse because my life isn't how I want it to be and coming back just reminded me of that. When I was leaving I was ecstatic. The moment I got back into town, I got down and sad.
Just definitely not in a good way and I'm about to read ODAT. I'm on lunch at work so I'll try to check back in later.
I just feel like I want to run away.
Tired of being alone and just want to be happy. I know I can't get joy through anyone else, but having a relationship is rewarding.
Makes me think back on the baby I lost and the ex who got a vasectomy directly after. I just feel so worn down. I feel like I lack my luster. Most people say I'm so "sunny" all the time, but I just feel worn.
I just feel hurt. I'm MUCH more blessed that lots of people in the world, and I know I need to just focus on that.
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Blessed are the cracked...for they let in the light.
Hi. Welcome back. The rest of the world isn't you. Right now, you feel hurt, lonely and from what I've read you want to escape the feelings(run away)? I felt the same as you when I was 37. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing what I could do that did make me feel happy. One day, I was asked to do something that really appealed to me. It was something I'd never done before. It was filled with risk, variables and unknowns. It was an adventure I never saw coming and I loved it because it was a passion of mine. That filled me up more than any relationship with a man had ever done. If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it all over again. I'm not saying this is the answer for you although I am wondering if there is a passion of yours that you could explore as you trust your HP for a person who is right for you? There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am alone and have been alone in life. It is a powerful experience to recognize myself as a person in my own right. Being lonely sometimes happens when I have been enjoying my solitude too long. Then, I need to get out and be with others - even if that might mean just going to the grocery store. At other times, loneliness is my HP trying to get my attention. I listen or I journal until I am clear on the next step I am to take towards my heart's desire and surprisingly, it has never been what I first thought.
What Grateful said is true. I posted today about my own loneliness, married to an A is very lonely. Grateful shared great insight then and now and I've realized, the loneliness I'm experiencing is because I'm focused on the negative in my life, my empty marriage. I need to change my focus to something that gives me fulfillment and joy. If I'm able to do that, there won't be time for loneliness. My mind and my heart will be full of the experience of living again.
I think what you/we are feeling is normal and sometimes you just need a good cry to deal with it. Each day has it's ups and downs and I've come to expect that neither place lasts too long. If you rarely have bad days - that's wonderful! Let yourself have a bad one once in a while and then pick yourself back up and get back in your groove. Today is a new day! Yay!
I had an emotional couple days I felt the feelings and released them knowing behind every valley is a peak. I am now back to climbing up towards things that make me happy. Al-anon face to face meetings, my beloved sponsor and MIP always helped when I felt alone in this world. We are here and I hope you can dig into you and your program to help feel whole and serene on your journey. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Just wanted to share my gratitude with all of you. Been super busy...went to a meeting last night and met with a program friend tonight. Talked to my sponsor. Supporting myself. I'll write more when I can. Exhausted and want to work a little more on my 4th step...JUST STARTED! :)
Much love and blessings to you all!
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Blessed are the cracked...for they let in the light.
