Oh MY!!! I need to consider the source and let it go - Al-Anon Family Group

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh MY!!! I need to consider the source and let it go

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I know my posts about my kids may in the past have been unclear as i got D#1 earlier in life then D#2 and i would wonder, "is that why D#2 can be harder to deal with" but thats not the case, I just believe b/c her A dad is still in her life, he triggers her at times and she takes it out on me b/c i guess she knows that good ole "mommie" will understand and I do, however with boundaries

I am kinda protective of my girls and my "how I got them" both were abandoned and I had connections w/child protection in the county and I got these 2 pearls and i have never regretted choosing them........D#2 when we talked things out, nearly hugged me to death...she missed me when i had to detach....i was just itching for her to want to make amends and 4giveness was always at the ready to be given...she is a good kid....Dad just gets under her skin at times and b/c he and i go waaay back, i just accept...he is an alcoholic but not a bad guy...just stricken with the "budweiser bug".......

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Rose for me, I would have said, " I deserve to be spoken to respectfully." If he was still a jerk just repeat.

NO arguing, no saying what my kids said. More focus on the fact he was out of line and I will not take it. To argue or say anything is giving him power. He will be thrilled to know he upset you.

I mean how ignorant is he? He is not worth your time.

You know of course you are a mom. Too how sad for him. I would say something like that too I suppose. How sad it is for you not to understand the love that a person can have for another though not linked genetically.

Besides we are all from Eden, Adam and Eve were our parents. So we are alllll the same family.

I leaned not to let othes boloney get to me. I like me, I like how I think. I am far from perfect. I will not allow anyone to treat me badly.

hugs

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Rose: Since you asked for comment, I'm going to take a risk here and share what I'm thinking about the issues at hand.

What I see in your experience with the boss is a difference of opinion on who can call themselves a parent more than I see it as his being disrespectful of you? I wasn't there. I don't know. There might be parts of the story missing for me. I do wonder how important the difference of opinion is in this regard?

You and your daughters are comfortable with seeing each other as relatives with you as their Mother and them as your daughters. Not everyone can or will be because it is outside their definition of who can be called a parent. The good news I see here is that you and your daughters are comfortable with seeing each others as relatives. What the boss thinks about it just wouldn't be worth the energy to me to fight, correct or stew over.

Sometimes, I've taken offense at something another person has believed or said because there is an underlying hurt or negative memory for me that still needs me to work through it. The other person has no idea about where I'm coming from and even if they did know my history, they didn't experience what I did and probably can't relate?

Your having two gals in your life with children who see you as their Mom and Grandmom is such a gift. As you know, there are elderly people whose blood relatives never visit and parents who've totally rejected their offspring because they aren't who they want them to be. That isn't true in your case. What your boss thinks or doesn't think doesn't add or subtract a thing from the relationships you have all shared and are sharing. What you think about it is most important here.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 14th of October 2014 01:34:28 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I see Mother Teresa as a mother and, to my knowledge, she did not birth children. Don't let other people wound you...how did he know your history anyway? I have learned to not be so chatty with some people...they have not earned the right to know my stuff. I was once told I was stingy by someone that considered herself "enlightened". As I look back, she was a manipulative trickster. So, dear N, I say leave this silly man to his silly opinions and love your kin with all of the love you have smile

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks you all. Grateful there is nothing out of ordinary re my story. I adopted 2 abandoned or otherwise motherless young girls who had no one. That's it. I think he hit a nerve bc I really did wanted to experience birth with a man I loved very much. Looking back now in recovery all things are as they were meant to be. As to how he found out re. Adoptions?? i was not chatty with this guy. Never trusted him. He found out from a slip on my part on his brothers wife's Facebook. He is in her page and a few of us ladies were sharing on a post she had made a few years ago. I just mentioned it. Forgot it. Then he uses it to hurt me on Friday. I don't share much personal stuff at work. Only the dad with whom I have a very good friendship. His dad was disgusted when I told him what sonny boy said to me. Really I minimize convos with tho guy. His wife asked me what I was gonna do this weekend and all I said was I was gonna hang out with my daughter. He heard and threw what he knew at me. i i am gonna take a page from Deb. tell him I give out respect and want it in return. And exit conversation. He is not worth any more.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Ignorant people say ignorant things neshema. Im sorry you had a fall but I believe that you choosing to be a mother to your kids is pretty special. Anyone can give birth, thats the easiest part of the whole thing. Now being a mother, wow, thats the graft right there and youve done the graft. Thanks for sharing, I love how open and honest you are, I missed that.x

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all.....yea, I AM A MOTHER and NOONE IS GONNA SAY DIFFERENT

I think this "got to me" b/c my kids mean everything to me and for someone to insinuate that they are NOT mine, thats crossing a BIG line....

Offend me but don't involve my kids...I feel better venting it out and IF he brings up something stupid again to me, I am gonna do a Debilyn on him and just say, Hey, I give respect, I want it in return and walk away....

I made a comment on his sister in law's board , not thinking anything about it, it was a "ladies only post" sorta and yea, i made a comment...never thought it would be shoved up my nose the way it was...but ya know?? small minds think small

someone needs to nail his bedroom slippers to the floor and hide his viagra....I am done with this jerk.....I will go to work..do my job..and detach MAJOR from this one who has the intelligence of a GNAT

went to goodwill surfing the books...got 3 goodies, and now i am gonna eat my wal mart rotissiere chicken with some rice and i want to thank you guys for responses....basically i am getting the message that one does not have to drop the foal to be a REAL mother...Lions, when a sister lioness or unrelated lioness is killed and she has cubs, the other mom's take over...at least one will take those cubs as her own...nurse them, teach them, protect them and those babies are HERS...the mutual love and bonding is the same as her dna cubs if she has any.....the african lioness is one of my totems....its little wonder why....they dn't consider dna....motherless cubs get adopted and loved as one of her own cubs........

Fairlee · Senior Member

Wow wow wow! The ignorance and unthoughtfulness of some people blows my mind! My Dad was my step-dad, he chose me (and my mom and sister) and he raised me and he will forever be my Daddy. My sperm-donor biological father didn't want my sister or myself after he and my mother divorced...he told everyone we were dead to him. I was 2. Anyway, my Daddy came into our lives later that year and has been my hero and champion ever since (unfortunately died 4.5 years ago from cancer...I miss him every day) don't ever let anyone tell you you are not a Mother! That is the craziest, stupidest thing a human could say to another...especially someone who goes to such great lengths to have a child in there lives! (adoption)

Thank you for sharing the awesome quote - I need to write that down and memorize it!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

el-cee wrote:
Ignorant people say ignorant things neshema. Im sorry you had a fall but I believe that you choosing to be a mother to your kids is pretty special. Anyone can give birth, thats the easiest part of the whole thing. Now being a mother, wow, thats the graft right there and youve done the graft. Thanks for sharing, I love how open and honest you are, I missed that.x

Oh yea, IGNORANT and ya know?? he treats his dad like crap...this lovely older man who founded that company, gave his sons the company to run to be the bosses in and this jerk wont' even speak to his dad..and when he does he treats him badly, i stay out of it, of course, but i really really like the dad..he and i are good friends and this power hungry upstart will NEVER be the man his dad is....i am just gonna go to work MYOB which is what i mostly do, i really dont' share much at all with these people b/c i do not trust him and his wife.....so basically i stay in my office and do my work and yea, dad and i like to share about horse racing and he has his son there and "H" is pretty cool, hes fun to chat with, but i keep it REAL superficial and i keep my stuff close to my vest.....thanks, el cee hugs

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
I see Mother Teresa as a mother and, to my knowledge, she did not birth children. Don't let other people wound you...how did he know your history anyway? I have learned to not be so chatty with some people...they have not earned the right to know my stuff. I was once told I was stingy by someone that considered herself "enlightened". As I look back, she was a manipulative trickster. So, dear N, I say leave this silly man to his silly opinions and love your kin with all of the love you have

LOVE the Mother Teresa comparison....he hurt for a while, but venting it out and getting some support, i am "ok"..its his stupidity, not mine.....as my history, i made a comment on FB on his sister in laws board who is not with the company and she is a good soul and this jerk , i guess, remembered it and tossed it in my face....b/c i never tell him anything about me...i don't trust him...i am gonna be careful what i post on her board b/c he can see it...hell..he doesn't even speak to her, dunno why he is still on her board...oh well.....and yea, i am gonna consider the source and leave all he said...

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
Rose: Since you asked for comment, I'm going to take a risk here and share what I'm thinking about the issues at hand.

What I see in your experience with the boss is a difference of opinion on who can call themselves a parent more than I see it as his being disrespectful of you?

Sometimes, I've taken offense at something another person has believed or said because there is an underlying hurt or negative memory for me that still needs me to work through it. The other person has no idea about where I'm coming from and even if they did know my history, they didn't experience what I did and probably can't relate?

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 14th of October 2014 01:34:28 PM

I think he just enjoys squashing a person and he throws his power around and omg...he actually thinks he is error free and the perfect man....its almost funny....all of us "less thens" are beneath him, i have to laugh....karma is hard and i just ask creator to give him the lessons he needs to be humble and loving towards his dad whom he abuses and refuses to even acknowledge him at work....sooo sad...i look at him and his arrogance and i have to SMH , its almost funny........and yea he was being disrespectful....he loves to do the "put down" thingy....i just stand up to him and walk off, but THIS conversation will NOT be up for negotiation...if his wife asks me what i did over weekend and i tell her i had fun w/my daughter and ignoramus says anything, I am gonna do what Deb suggested and walk away......

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

its like my kids said "YOU raised us , YOU loved us, YOU gave us a loving home, YOU are OUR MOM"!!!!! they both said almost verbatum the same thing when i told them what he said......i am the only mama they KNOW....D#1 MAY remember he birth mom, but I know D#2 does not.....I AM THEIR MOM......

I guess I just needed to vent this out...it triggered me what he said b/c it was like he was insulting (if you could hear his voice and the way, condescending manner) it was almost like I wasn't a woman...that is the body language and inflection in his tone that i got.....HIS inventory, NOT mine..........i feel better sharing about it and getting it out

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Your kiddos are lucky kiddos, Neshema wink

blessed · Senior Member

So many woman have lost children through miscarriage, etc. and others have adopted - I've experienced three losses of children through miscarriage & ectopic; but had one child and then I adopted two children.
How dare anyone tell anyone you are not a parent of a child whether you are the step parent, adoptive parent or just a good person who has invested in the life of a child? What a jerk, is the first thing that comes to mind. And certainly would not deserve a response, except as one person said, "You will talk to me respectfully please."

So sorry you had to hear such an insensitive comment, but you already know that jerks do not define us, our HP does.

(((( hugs )))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

blessed wrote:
So many woman have lost children through miscarriage, etc. and others have adopted - I've experienced three losses of children through miscarriage & ectopic; but had one child and then I adopted two children.
How dare anyone tell anyone you are not a parent of a child whether you are the step parent, adoptive parent or just a good person who has invested in the life of a child? What a jerk, is the first thing that comes to mind. And certainly would not deserve a response, except as one person said, "You will talk to me respectfully please."
So sorry you had to hear such an insensitive comment, but you already know that jerks do not define us, our HP does.
(((( hugs )))

((((((((((((((((((Blessed))))))))))))) WOW!!!! so sorry you went through that (losing a child) too, b/c i know how bad it hurts....I am glad u had one and thats sooo great, adopting 2..and ya know?? the chosen ones are just as precious......I hope u dont' get embarrassed when i say you have a gorgeous smile....and i want to thank you, too, for helpng me realize that yea, he is an insensitive JERK!!! and I agree...HP and I define me, not anyone else.......u know, i finally got a hold of my sponsor who is busy opening a new business so i did't' really get into anything w/her till today and she told me instead of how important is IT....how important is HE and put like that i thought, gee...i will never graduate from recovery, lol b/c for a bit, what he said cut deep..I guess the trigger was when i thought of that rainy night i fell down those concrete steps and had the miscarriage shortly after i hit bottom....I was banged up very badly...my fiance and I cried over that loss......the violence of the fall just shook everything loose and that was that..I think i conceived afterwards but lost them..so i quit trying...it was in 1975 when i had this happen, i remember it like yesterday...later on, i got Daughter #1 and then after that, i got daughter#2 and YES..they are my kiddos as Paula said......i love them to death.....HP trusted me with these gems and i have done my best to honor that trust by being as good as a parent as i could be....thank you so very much for your reply......Hugs back at ya

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I was want to say

HI MOM!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((R)))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

As my Mother would have said to him, "You are full of prunes"!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
I was want to say

HI MOM!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hey MOM Cathy!!! <3 what a CUTE and comforting thing to say to me.......I feel sooo much better just getting this out....sharing w/you guys..............xoxo

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:
As my Mother would have said to him, "You are full of prunes"!

LOLOLOL and yea, we know what prunes cleanse out....hahahaha...i think he NEEDS some prunes...like a bushel barrel of them, LOL...i haven't heard that saying in a looong time...........thanks (((((((D)))))))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
(((R)))

hey (((((((((C))))))) well let me think...since i painted the place, ALL my rooms speak of light, positivity, kinda relaxed but cheerful energy.....but the real fave has to be my bedroom......I pained this room a pastel yellow over the multi colors that were not "light" but sponge painted over with the pastel yellow, they look aweson......my pine furniture....yep...bedroom wins.........

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks to you all, i feel a lot lighter and there is nothing like sharing my true feelings and experiences and getting loving support....i hope to recycle that good when i e/s/h another.....

today, i surfed the GW in the "high" part of town, lol and found 3 good books and in the kids dept. i found two really gorgeous swetters and 2 cute pairs of jeans.....and its seniour day so i got 25% off.....then went to walmart where i let this young lady kinda "tidy" up my hair...she did a decent job...i just didn't feel like messing w/it even tho i am pretty good, my tendonitis on my left arm is so bad, i think tomorrow after work, i will get some epson salt and poultice it ea night...the pain is so bad it wakes me up.........i don't know what i did, but omg, it hurts.......then also at walmart i bought one of their rotissiere chickens and i plowed through a bunch of it over rice and side dish of organic veggies....it was sooo good.....now its bed time and i am "ok" in my world......i guess i just needed to talk it out, share it, get some loving support/esh and you ladies really stepped up and helped me get my bearings back on track....good night mip'ers......God bless

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I love how you take care of you, sister. This post made me smile a lot. I also love how you are seeing the light in your life and responding to it. My dear, sweet Rose is definitely blooming where she is planted.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
I love how you take care of you, sister. This post made me smile a lot. I also love how you are seeing the light in your life and responding to it. My dear, sweet Rose is definitely blooming where she is planted.

(((((((((C)))))))) well, its either let stuff do me in or set a boundary, detach/disconnect from the violator and take care of me......I cannot control another, only me and how i respond........you guys are the best.........and yep, alanon has been my saving grace....i do feel much better...focused, etc.........HUGS

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