3 more days!  Ok .. so realize this is the closest I have been to the end date .. now I can really see that the God of my understanding has moved every single atty out who hasn't been looking out for me.  I really like this last gal and I think she understands how awful I have been treated throughout this process.  I no longer deal with the paralegal in that office either.  Which I feel badly about and I don't .. she was very inappropriate in her comments AND she was very I don't know .. just not dealing with me on the level either.  The current atty is not telling me everything I want to hear .. she's been forward about this is what will happen without making it seem as if no you can't do that or this .. all of which I should have been able to do .. kwim? 

The true test will be when we go forward with this case and say ok .. this is what's going on after the ink has dried.  This is not the total end of it all .. however I will be divorced.  I am under the belief that everything will wrap up very shortly after this all and that the Judge in this case is very much NOT tolerating a lot of BS.  Rightfully so .. I still have at least 2 more aces to play possibly 6, I will hold my cards until necessary.  I just really feel pity for my STBAX .. not enough to waste to much time on it .. enough that I think hmm .. very sad situation. 

I did contact my STBAX today .. his mother is on hospice supposedly and mentioned bringing the kids by to see her.  What he doesn't understand is I was planning next weekend.  He truly doesn't have a choice.  He was not a happy boy and there is no use poking that dragon at this point.  I will see her as it will probably be the last time I do see her living.  I have serious doubts even the kids will be notified if she passes and not only that issue .. the bigger issue is how sick is she.   Is she sick .. yes, .. she totally is, .. is she dying .. well, weather changes I'm sure it's hard on her breathing right now .. is she going to die today or tomorrow?  That is up to her Higher Power.  I do want the kids to see her.  I would like the opportunity to say my goodbyes to her. 

Remember Father's Day .. HIS day.  Day before our daughter calls and says ok .. what's going on .. and all of a sudden his mother's in the hospital he can't leave to get the kids and so on.  I get an awful picture of her and I'm thinking OMGOSH she's totally dying .. I begged him to take the kids to visit her .. did he?  No, he couldn't leave his dying mother (who was IN the hospital mind you).  Well, I did take the kids and we had a lovely visit ON Father's Day and where was he?  No where to be found.  Again last week I heard about how he couldn't leave his mother .. now at least this time he will bring the kids to her.  Unfortunately they aren't getting in a car that is not registered to him .. STILL .. shocking I know.  LOL .. now I laugh and say well, so much for his recovery and that's really none of my business.  It will be what it be .. and it's just not my issue either.  It's just sad to me this woman in all of her chaos alcoholic ways was a part of my life for many years. 

What bothers me the most is that once again he's playing the total sympathy card when it comes to her dying and he's s/mother is involved and I feel REALLY sorry for her.  I just can't believe that she once again believes him.  I shouldn't even know this and I do, .. that's probably what bothers me more.  It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact he just lies and has no remorse.  Logically I can get there quickly in terms of he's sick, he has a disease, no I shouldn't expect healthy behavior from a sick person.  I mean seriously .. DUH!!  LOL!  At the same time is I just never realized how sick she is to be repeating this information to other people about it.  I just shook my head and said .. based upon my experience unless she's been there and knows the whole situation .. I wouldn't believe what he's saying.  I can't understand why she doesn't and she has a bio son who is an addict that she was able to let go of in terms of stop enabling and he's done wonders with his life now .. what is soooo different?  Well, her son is gay and it is against her belief system even sadder to me.  It's just seriously weird to me.  It's not for me to judge I guess .. I am just baffled over how this man continues to lie and is accepted. 

So all of this stuff going on and I think I'm ok .. what choice do I have really?  I mean if I'm not ok .. the kids aren't ok and so I have to be ok.  LOL .. how's that for warped logic to get me through this mess.  I am ok.  I have cookies baking in the oven.  My daughter is babysitting next door, life is good.  I have so much to be grateful for and it will be 3 more days!!  I hope .. I pray .. I just want to get through all of this stuff.  My youngest is seriously funny .. Mommy, .. what kind of cake are we having Wednesday to celebrate?  LOL!?  I told him .. let's just get to Wednesday with no unfortunate mishaps and THEN we can buy a cake .. LOL!  I have told the kids it is dinner out that day!  I don't care how broke I am .. we will eat out that night to say thank you LORD this is finally over! 

Everyone in my life is going to breath a huge sigh of relief and then the real work on me begins .. I have done a lot .. however with this behind me I can finally start making some real plans. 

Hugs all