The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been almost 4 months since I broke it off, and he is still trying to find ways to come back in my life, and a part of me misses him so much, I wish it could be a possibility, but i know it's not.
I work in retail, and he just happened to "stop by". I inquired about his visit, silly me, and later that night was bombarded with soppy drunk text messages that put my head in a spin. I responded by asking for no contact and no surprise visits to my workplace. His retort was an accusing me of stealing property that I know he took in the separation.
Despite all of this, I went to see one of our favorite bands, and they sang the song I use to sing to him. I have never loved anyone..it's such a tender song, and it just broke me down.
I've been majorly depressed, on the verge of getting on anti-depressants because this break up has taken such a toll. For the longest time, I couldn't understand why this was the thing that did me over. I lost my father to cancer, went through my mother's 3 suicide attempts, and so much more, and yet, this man has been the straw to break my back.
I Just keep trying to reach out to my dear friends. I just try to keep going. I try to keep reminding myself, maybe one day it won't hurt so much.
Hi! I can understand how difficult it is to keep the boundaries up that your head tells you have to be in place and that pull of the heart that happens at various times. His just showing up, then texting soppy stuff and then accusing you of stealing from him is a good way to see you made the right choice for you in removing yourself from the disease. I learned when I separated from x and then divorced him that a lot of the pain I experienced was due to buried hurts from childhood on through the present. I wasn't able to process a lot of what happened throughout the years because I didn't have the maturity or the coping skills. My relationship to the x was really just the tip of the iceberg. The more I took care of me, the more stuff surfaced for me. I was fortunate in having the ego strength I needed by that time to make progressive shifts and the support I needed to do it. You're so right, one day it won't hurt so much. In fact, one day it might not hurt at all?
astallaslions I am so sorry you are going through this. I would recommend you do something nice for yourself today. Maybe go out and get your hair done or nails done, something that will make you feel good about yourself. Focus on you and the things you like about yourself.
Let go and let God and take one day at a time.
((Hugss))
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Forgive me for not remembering....do you attend al anon meetings? We cannot break our addictions to another without ongoing support (meetings sponsorship, etc), just like the alcoholic cannot (of course I leave room for miracles) break their addictions to alcohol with working their recovery program (meetings, sponsorship etc)). hugs...
When my divorce is done and or the financials decided on.
I am going no contact. It is the only way i will trully heal.
It opens up your wounds when there is contact even negative
Contact. I really dont want to see,hear,smell or think about
Him. My hurt and pain is very deep. Yes lots of old and new
pain from Family of origin and also pain from ah family. His
Mother in particlular has been his biggest enabler. Alcoholism
Is a family disease.
I am actively mourning and greiving it is a very painful journey
Lots of emotions and feelings to be felt that have been buried
And or squashed for a long time. My dry ah moved out
Three months ago, but is around constantly. Even if I cant see
Him i sense him. We were married for 29 years, there is lots
Of unspoken communication between us.
((Kelli)) Grieving is a difficult process. Please be very gentle with yourself, attend meetings and share here often .
I do so understand about" the song" . My husband, a recovered alcoholic has been dead for 30 years and every time I hear our wedding song "When I Fall in Love it Will be Forever", I cry I then smile and am grateful for the good times.
keep coming back. I understand what you are going through as do so many here. It is so painful and hard not give in to your heart when you are trying to listen to your head. But the future can be pain-free and I am also looking forward to it. I get moments--sometimes almost a whole day of serenity, but when I let myself sink into the memories, fears, stress and heart-break from my dying marriage and the effects alcoholism has had on my lfe--I let myself cry and grieve. It is part of healing.
Sorry to say , a break up is difficult with anyone, but I believe a break up with an addict is even more difficult.
Because we are so addicted to getting them better and fixing them and they are so damn charming.... I have been there...the healing process is difficult and and can't be
done without help. I was finally able to come up on the other side, but there were nites I would go thru withdrawal and just wanted to be physically close to him 30 years of it.
We did remain friends, I managed to separate from him 8 years ago, he passed away a year ago and I cried every nite, even though it was 7 years. I always wanted to still
remain strong and compassionate towards him and I did. With boundaries...I was able to say good bye to him when he was lucid and on a ventilator before he went into a coma
all brought on by his disease.
Please stay with your program and push your way to a compassionate perspective, one where you can still love him, but keep yourself protected. We must accept that we will always love
them. Heal yourself first, it doesn't matter if he shows up or you hear your favorite song. He is showing that he is still in the same place. That alone should make you at least stop and be mindful that all would remain the same , if you went back. Which is your choice, but with Alanon always there for support.
Hi, I like what everyone said here, loss is hard..especially when you have an "investment" in someone, even tho this loss sounds to me to be a blessing for you, I know right now it sure doesn't feel like it...I've been there (relationships/marriages to alcoholics) and w/out their being in recovery and sober, there was no hope for me having a life with them that was healthy and substantial......i do hope you can be gentle with you, and i like what someone said about doing something nice for you, hair style or manicure...or something loving to you.....AND i do hope u keep coming back here to share and get the pain out...talking about it while I work my program steps, meets, etc., helps ME over the losses and onto the taking care of me end of it....and yea, i can relate to old songs....my X and i had some and when i hear them, yea, it reminds me of some of the good times, but the songs also remind me of how tentative life is an how , through alanon, i want to live each day as good as i can...being good to me......i promise you, the pain will subside...this too shall pass and i am sorry u had other losses and bad experiences that perhaps you arent' over them yet and then this breakup.....Your in the right place, reaching out to alanon...alanon helped me reclaim a life severely interrupted and diminished/impacted by alcoholism...alanon has helped me live and live for me in a healthy happier way..........Glad you are here...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
