The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, my AH has been on a Mr Perfect routine right now. Being really nice, doing things that go above and beyond, helping me with stuff he's never helped with before, etc. It's like he doesn't seem to understand that I'm done and that we're splitting up soon. He seems to be grasping at things which he thinks will change my mind???
Anyway, I keep hearing him talking to our son about his new grandiose plan: buy a piece of property and build our own tennis facility. He has all these great plans but no money to do it with. If something like this were truly possible, wouldn't one of his VERY wealthy tennis buddies have done this already? He hasn't researched any costs, he hasn't found any type of funding nor has he consulted with a contractor. He just likes to suck our son into these plans and then also assume that I'd be Ok spending OUR money on this. Ummm, no. He can do this after I divorce him or with his parents estate money when that finally gets settled.
I'm drained just listening to him go on and on. If I lived in fairy tale land, I'd like the sound of it all and I'd get swept away by how perfect the plan sounds as the words cross his lips.....but I live in reality land, and he now just sounds insane to me. Dreams are great, but to make a dream reality, you have to have a real plan. Talk is just that: talk, and it gets you nowhere except to fantasy land.
I am meeting with another lawyer next week. I have to find out what my options legally are regarding housing. I want to keep my house and get him to move out, but I'm starting to think that that might be my own grandiose thinking! I mean, do I really think he'll leave this house? HA. Probably not. I have to stay in my own reality so that I can be prepared for what my future will look like and I also need to be ready for whatever God has set in front of me to accomplish, as well. I need to remember to be in God's will, as I read the Third Step Prayer every day.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
You are so much less at the effect of this man than you were just a few months ago, it seems to me.
You'll decide what is best for you.
Does he seem like a Narcissist? They can be so difficult to live with, from what I've read. My A has some Cluster B characteristics--all As may have some, I don't know.
You are doing good and I'm always glad to see you check in.
Hugs, Temple
-- Edited by Temple on Thursday 9th of October 2014 06:07:44 PM
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Oh, Grateful!!! You totally had me rolling!!! LOVE IT! Love you all! I'm heading to Vegas for a tennis tournament today after just getting back last night from a trip to Denver to see family. Son has fall break this week so we're making the most of it!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Nothing surprises me anymore You sound grounded and on purpose...good for you. Your son probably sees through the BS. Have a great time in Vegas; we won't tell what goes in Vegas as it is written in the laws of Vegas that whatever happens has to stay within the force field surrounding the city.
I can remember some previous grandiose schemes and trips planned (or not planned) in the past. Any chance your A is bi-polar? Crazy grandiose schemes seem to be one symptom of folks who have bi-polar disorder. Of course denial of reality goes hand in hand with being an A. Let us know when the huge tennis complex is done, we'll all come out and play. Maybe sometime next week, lol?
Lol, Mattie!!! Yes, I'll be sure to let everyone know! I'm in Vegas now, it's. Ice to travel but I'm exhausted too. That 4.5 hr drive really did me in for some reason.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Hey, my A has recently decided to revolutionise the public transportation system, so he can be in charge of bussing everyone to the tennis facility. He realised his calling after getting drunk on a bus.
And then afterwards we can all stay in one of the mansions he is going to buy and turn into a hotel!!! I'm sure he can have all of that up and running in a week too, no worries.
Well I can laugh but it would bug me if he was trying to sell these schemes to my child.
Sending you hugs. It is SO maddening listening to that grandiose nonsense.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I had one of those guys too. And yes it is probably a fantasy to imagine he will leave the house. Mine asked me for a "separation" and wanted me to stay on as the maid/housekeeper while he pursued his dalliance with his girlfriend and just couldn't understand why I was being so unreasonable as to imagine he would leave the house I paid for and after all he hadn't kicked me out since he offered to let me stay on in my son's bedroom after my son went to stay at his friend's house! I kid you not. He even tried to sell the house out from under me and had convinced a realtor not to listen to me (a lawyer) about his rights to the property. I had gotten an order conveying all right title and interest to the property in my name and the realtor believed him! Was he a good sociopath or what. It wasn't til the title company said "um...he doesn't own the house" that they finally contacted me. Unbelievable. So from my experience I would say we should always trust a grandiose delusional alcoholic to do the most bizarre thing imaginable. And by the way, he didn't understand why I was upset that my son had to leave the house.
I can relate! Thank you for your post- I needed to hear your words- this still triggers me in people- the grandiosity, arrogance, selfishness... the things in someone else that I can't control. How can I live next to people like this... The serenity prayer, the refocus to myself, to what I can change, to how I can make things good for myself. I'm so grateful for MIP and Alanon. Progress not perfection ODAT. Sending prayers.
You sound grounded and on purpose...good for you. Your son probably sees through the BS. Have a great time in Vegas; we won't tell what goes in Vegas as it is written in the laws of Vegas that whatever happens has to stay within the force field surrounding the city.