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I'm tired of these questions. I don't know what he's going to do. I don't want to think about it. I don't know if he's going to get a job. I don't know if he's going to "straighten himself out now". I don't know if his brother is going to help him move. I don't know if he's going to get his old car fixed. Why is literally EVERYONE I know asking me these questions over and over and over? They don't like him and have never been interested before...
Well people have asked here on MIP before...how do i handle people constantly asking questions about my ex A.
I saw this on facebook before and I thought...perfect. This is how I am handling any and all questions about A from now on.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Melly, those well-meaning (but nosy) questions remind me of one of the gems shared by one of the beloved old-timers in my home group:
"I finally came to realize that this person already has a Higher Power, and it ain't me! I have therefore resigned the position."
I know that when I truly release someone into the care of his or her HP, it would make it easier for me to say that whatever happens to that person is between them and their Higher Power and leave it at that.
Being one myself who used to be isolated in a prison of dysfunction, and still engaged in lifelong learning about what healthy relationships actually look like, I cheer every step you are taking towards getting your life back for the sake of you and your daughter. Keep it up!
Lol melly,I love that tshirt answer. Love love love it!next time someone asks me a stoopid question I am totally going to try it out just for fun. Infact just thinking about doing the interpretive dance makes me smile.
Yeah love the dance and the t-shirt idea. Please do it and post here a video!
But no one asks me any questions about STBX. And I know everything, where he is going to, when and how. I know it because I organised it all. I am not supposed to mother him, but if I didn't do it for him this one more (and hopefully last) time he would stay here forever and I would have to move. So I was happy and relived to arrange the accommodation for him also ensuring it is suitable for daughter's go visit. Now the focus in coming back to me, myself and I.
-- Edited by Luiza on Wednesday 8th of October 2014 07:56:25 AM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
LOL! Love it! You can sure find wonderful responses to questions that help you flex your focus on myself muscle. It's 7:04 am here on a dark Wednesday morning and my livingroom was filled with the sound of one woman laughing. Thanks for a fun start to my morning.
Melly, part of me wonders if they are asking to test your resolution and the likelihood of this break up being the end for real or whether he's gonna weasel his way back and, if he does, will you let him come back when you are set up somewhere new. BUT, instead of just asking you, they ask all kinds of questions about him to avoid being direct with you.
Also, people have what I call "A fascination with the abomination." Your A has drama - you used to be interested and tuned into it until it got so painfully old and hurtful and until alanon.
I would love to see that dance, the alanon dance or the dance of freedom or just bugger off dance. You and luiza are so close now. Freedom, physical freedom, peace and calm, its such a buzz. I love my freedom, I walk about in my underwear or naked sometimes because im free to do so, its a symbol of my freedom. Before I was always on edge, I honestly think I went to bed with my shoes just in case I had to flee, going to work on 2 or 3 hours sleep because of drunk people. Your nearly there, so excited for you both.x
Love the attachment- and there is truth to this on many levels.
I remember being in that place where you are- and, unlike myself, he knew how to find places to stay, places to go, money when there was none, and resources to fuel his addictions. For him, his disease was on autopilot and in full charge, so he didn't have the agony of worrying- he kept anesthetizing himself and didn't feel a thing.
One of the many things that I've come to love about Alanon is that most of the things that have me spinning are things that are beyond my control- working the program and with the support of others, I am gently led back to focusing on myself. I learned to forgive others for not understanding, and I've also learned that I don't owe people explanations. ("I'm not sure how to answer that." has served me well on many occasions.)
I can so relate to this one. People used to ask me a lot of questions especially, because my exAH was an intimidating A and he was so very private. So I would just say well I am unsure you should really ask him his business. They would rightfully scurry off without much else to ask, because in the small town I used to live in they knew who to push for information and who to give up on. I finally learned with al-anon to be one who you couldn't push for information or details of others life through and well it really took off a burden of anyone's keeper. I am sending you much love and support always!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I am bombarded all the time with questions as well. I simply say "I don't know, why don't you ask him." It stops the conversation in it's tracks. If I hear of gossips or people tattle to me about what others are saying, I simply say "It sounds like someone needs some prayers." Conversation stops. :)
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Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Oh this is going to have me chuckling for hours, thanks Melly. I'm planning the moves, step one - raise and lower shoulders; step two - bring hands up from sides with palms facing forward; steps three, four, five and six - shake the head. Now I'm trying to think of the next move - am looking for something that really foxes 'em and hopefully changes the subject to something totally unexpected and much more interesting. Sending hugs, you are doing great (((((Melly))))).
The Aussie imagination and sense of humor I've always loved. During the NASA years working with your guys in the system was a daily hoot and often the best reason to go to work. You're no different keeping and using humor in the face of indecision and qualm is really good recovery. The squirrel is apt metaphor for the crazies in or disease and when you find yourself laughing in spite of it I think we can say "We've arrived". Of course he gets to use and measure his ability and tools to make decisions for himself and of course he gets no guarantees. You have none either and can't give one either. Let him go try his stuff out and he gets to decide whether he does it under the influence or not. Seems like the disease has affected not only you and also lots of others around him as it is said that it does. Where'd that squirrel get that hair do? ((((hugs))))
Love the picture. I understand about the questions. My coworkers still ask me about AH. I Just tell them ask him. Or I don't want to talk about him. Honestly...I think if I told the people at work the truth about AH...they would be shocked. Maybe the truth would shut them up!!
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Wednesday 8th of October 2014 09:03:47 PM
Why is it that people think we are our AH/BF's keepers?? people are so nosey! You have the right attitude regarding this, and I think the breaking out into dance would be HILARIOUS!! Thanks for sharing the cute pic.
