The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I joined Alanon in June, due to an up an down relationship, we're both seniors, both widowed, both raised in a alcoholic family, (we bith have the alcoholic patterns a) although neither of us drink but occasioally not much at that.
God knows the situation, once again I'm torn on what to do. Ive given this to God! but it's eating at my heart. After 5 months apart I went back to him based on what I'd learned in Al Anon. the last couple months have been good for the most part however today I learned, he never cancelled his dating subscription an he's been active. He made some very disturbing comments, plus said I had the problem because I needed someone perfect. I said no just a honest man that's was the ground rules this time An we both agreed. I'm sure hes lashing out because he got caught, but I'm torn between, my love for him yet respecting myself, not being so judge mental. This isn't the first time with this issue. I'm pretty sure God led me to find this as it was purely by accident. Of course so we're the other times. Please I need Gods help, the power of prayer to help me, Please!
Newpaths I am glad that you have found alanon and are attending ,you will receive the support and understanding that you need at this time
Prayers for a positive outcome.
You also have prayers from the Pacific; Hawaiian Island. Might want to try sitting down with a sponsor and your Higher Power and listen for their answer to the question "Is this love...or is this addiction"? Your post sounds so very much like what I thought, felt and did when I thought I was "in love" with my alcoholic/addict. In part, from the early Al-Anon definition on alcoholism "...we get as affected as they do though we do not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality, therefore we go thru the pain wide awake". No he isn't using alcohol much and we can be addicted to almost all other things. Prayers going. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP. I can say that no healthy relationship I've enjoyed even had much of a hint of suspicion, doubt or angst. Though they required honest sharing between us, and occasionally we had a misunderstanding, we were both on the same page most of the time. I don't know if this is a healthy or unhealthy relationship for you. I do know that as a recovering codependent I have learned there is a lot of difference between doing the work necessary to build a healthy relationship between two people and doing the work, work, work of being in relationship where alcoholism is a very present fact of the relationship. Many prayers for guidance of your HP and the courage to change what you can.
Praying for you, Newpaths. I like your name and I hope it is true. I just found al-anon after many many years of feeling very alone. I feel like I can look at my situation very differently now and make decisions that will lead me down new paths. I may choose to stay - I may choose to go, but either way it will be new because I have been changed by my new understanding of the situation. I hope that your new path is a happy one - filled with self-love and self-appreciation. You are worth it. We all are.
Thanks Southetngirl an Katy
Your support, understanding is greatly appreciated. It may not fix anything but it's so very comforting to know others understand have been there an we're all trying to learn an move forward. After 35 years of marriage I just have to figure out how not to feel so alone
I feel very emotionally alone too in my marriage, and for such along time and even still at times I look to my husband to fill that void, going to the hardware store for bread springs to mind here, I know he can't fill me up just as I cannot fill him up, there are other ways I think to stem the lonelyness, I had a meeting yesterday and it was held in a place that runs day care for adults with special needs, it's not a place I would ordinarily have ever gone, yet I sat waiting and watching people with so many complex needs happily going about their day and I had so much gratitude for the staff that work in this field, and for those people that do not have the health or freedom for and too do, that which I enjoy, I did think volunteering would be a wonderful way to keep me busy and out of my own head, then later last evening my our daughter emailed that she was on the mailing list of volunteering and she would pass anything along to us if she thought it might be of interest, this came about because when she came home the other weekend her dad said he would love to restore something so she said well do it then you have the time and skills, so now she is on his case, she said mum ? dad is a clever man, he is too, she said he is so negative and cynical because he doesn't mix with the right people, and Debbie Lynne said we must follow our passion, and I think that is sooooooooo true, what is your passion newpaths ? I love cycling, animals the great out doors, FOOD, and mip xxxxxxx
I agree associating with positive ior negative people can certainly influence our life, how we feel. I think I'm to judge mental, when someone lies, starts bad mouthing others one minute then is their buddy the next, it turns me away from trusting them. I guess trusting people has always been a stumbling block for me an will be Until my higher power helps me . So my passions, I really enjoy drawing/sketching, some reading, winter Crocheting, some cooking, beading, mostly safe indoor things as I don't enjoy going outdoor places by myself even going to the movies alone seems lonely an unsafe at times. Thanks Katy for sharing, this alanon message board has been very comforting. Hope you have a good day, Sue
Welcome to MIP- I'm glad you found us. Working the 12 steps and principles of Alanon help me keep my eyes on the facts and what is or isn't something that I can control. Sending prayers.
Thanks Bud an Serenity,
Bud, Im to the 4th step but it's been a struggle to overwhelming confusing I see there's a step meeting here, I'm 3 hours ahead trying to fit this into my schedule.
Serenity, so many people have been where I'm I just feel so alone, I've tried to reach out to several alanon members at 3different meetings but either they don't respond or their plate is already full. Someone here too me when the student is ready the teacher appears, I found it comforting, maybe I should skip a few steps. Continue to ask my HP. At least I feel people care an respond here.
Thanks to the everyones warm an caring response.
