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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> a vent.
Post Info TOPIC: a vent.
aquamom23


Senior Member

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a vent.
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last weeks thought for peace in my life was,very few people could stay sane in your home. That really clicked for me. It gave me validation that the situation is crazy.my ah is most definitely an alcoholic. When we met,he was not one 24 hour period without alcohol in his system. Including our wedding day,but god bless him,we got married at 8in the morning so at least we began sober (wry grin).anyway,little rescuer me,threw "wherever I go there I am" right out the window,and made us move country. Yep. Move COUNTRY!!!!well to be sure,we both ended up still being here,though for the first month we worked in seperate states. In one year we had lived in three states. Slowly things appear to have gotten better in some ways,but fundamentally nothing changes,for alcoholism destroys faster than it builds.my ah is a hard worker.he is a good provider. Sort of. This is why last weeks thought was so helpful.its like getting blindsided all the time. Things good then crash nightmare on elm street somebody wake me up. Alanon helps me,um learning to detach from certainty in uncertain places by not putting my hope there. Yesterday, ah announced he's going to reorganise this house and boy did I hit the roof. Its bothered ne for ages that with a better than average income,our house.isn't furnished the way it could be. One thing I really hate from past experience is people giving you stuff you don't want that they think you need. It bothers me because I end up with a home full of mismatched clutter which is almost broken and costs me more in time and effort to appear beautiful which is asomething Tha makes me happy. Id much prefer go without,wait and save for what I want.I'm not talking top of the line either. Just the basics like beds for your children,a cot for the baby,some drawers to put your clothes,a bookshelf to put your books and a kitchen table with matching chairs. So for this great house.reorganization,exactly where is all the stuff supposed to go? I guess it frustrates me because I've done better with a lot less financially I another lifetime previously as a single mother of two.to then have someone who doesn't even empty his plate tell me he's going to reorganise the house made me mad and defensive.I should add that I am not a bad housekeeper either,but sometimes with one autistic preschooler,a toddler and a baby (who is absolutely perfectly easy) sometimes I literally do not have the time to finish what I have started.sometimes we just need to get out of the house and housework be damned in the name of childhood experiences.but to hear him youd think we live in aconstant pigsty which we do not.aargh,this shouldn't bother me. When the house is perfect,he asks,so,did you tale the kids to the park?did you go anywhere fun today? Cant win.



-- Edited by aquamom23 on Tuesday 7th of October 2014 07:02:19 PM

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Temple


~*Service Worker*~

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This is totally unrelated, except for the frustration I felt. It probably felt exactly the same.

I went off to sing in a friend's church choir and out to lunch with friends.

When I got back, Husband announced he had made a budget for us. This was the person who would consolidate our debts and get a bigger loan from the Credit Bureau every time I had them just about paid off.

So I looked at this budget, on which I had had zero input. And I pointed out to him that there was no provision for clothing for the three of us nor for dry cleaning (and this was backw hen he we had a lot of dry-cleaning.

But he had spent X number of hours on it. That was always the answer if he had done something and it needed more work. But he had put so much time or effort into it. Results be damned.

In empathy,
Temple

p.s. If yours is like mine, he'll lose interest or wander off in pursuit of a bright, shiny object before he can do much damage.

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
aquamom23


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Lol at these fools and thankyou temple. I am approaching the sutuation with humour now. Just unbelievably believable. Love the bright shiny object analogy.so in essence,one sees the madness for what it is,accepts it and moves through.

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