The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It feels like its not often that I can share something positive- and- I thought this may be helpful for when we're certain we're at the end of our rope, tied a knot and have been forever holding on.
For those that dont know, Ive been estranged by my family of origin with the exception that I am, under limited circumstances, able to visit my parents in an end stage nursing home. My Aunt and Uncle condemned me to crimes I havent committed, and blame me for offenses I havent made. They used these excuses to be extremely abusive, both verbally and physically, to me and my daughter. They also used these excuses to loot my aged parents and not abide by their will.
Previously, I did take careful inventory, and, created an opportunity for making amends for my part. However, I was told that I would never be forgiven for my unforgivable crimes, or, in other words for the things that I could not control. I was told that I could never establish any relationship with them again under any circumstances whatsoever. (I dont know what makes any one this angry, but I see that these people are this angry and more.)
For them it was all about control and power. It had nothing to do with doing the right thing.
After careful thought, and acting against my daughters wishes, I have recently sent cards to my Aunt and Uncle (signed with love from me and my daughter). It was a simple wish that they are healthy and happy. I sent this certain that it would be used against me that my wishes were not genuine. I decided that I could afford to send love anyway and not be hurt by a lack of expectation or outcome.
Today, I received a call from my Aunt. It was not abusive, angry, or accusative- just a simple connection. Maybe now that they have all the monetary value of my parents estate, they feel safe enough to connect. Maybe its nothing like that. What is true is that everyone is functioning from a different version of the same story.
I accept. ODAT
-- Edited by bud on Monday 6th of October 2014 04:36:51 PM
-- Edited by bud on Monday 6th of October 2014 04:37:30 PM
Thanks for the share, bud. I do hope it works out for you. I love your keeping an open mind on the motives of your aunt's and uncle's reaching back to you. I also love the wisdom in your seeing that everyone has their own version of what is happening and of course, that is always limited. I'd love to know it all and darn it, I don't. And when I forget that, life comes along and pushes "I will be God" into the mud. (((B)))
Thanks and fair-balance is important! It could also be that they don't want to actually be the ugly awfulness that they are and are looking to slime their way out. Maybe they got scared when looking at me walking away- the two set of footprints, one set being frighteningly large... as HP holds my hand and walks beside me! I love the "I will be God" being pushed into the mud visual- good to keep as a handy reminder for me to stay out of the mud!
God is love and the God within you expressed that love. What a peach you are, Bud. You sent grace to those that harmed you, perhaps touching them in a way that will never be known.
I hear you surrendering ALL of it and that comes from a place of such maturity and knowledge about self preservation. You're accepting them for who they are helps for maintaining good health and your emotional well-being. We can't change others only our reaction to them. We don't need to become sick over the rejection. We can continue to put good energy out there to repel all that ugly anger and bitterness. We don't have to be hostages of madness and insanity. I think forgiveness really works magic because it frees us. (((bud))) T
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
