The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been trying to follow the list of Al Anon Do's and Don'ts and am unsure what to do in the current situation. My alcoholic daughter moved out of our house a little over 2 weeks ago, leaving her husband behind still living at our house. When she left she only took her backpack, dog, purse and a small plastic container with only a couple changes of clothes I had packed up when I found out she was an alcoholic and spending the nights with an alcoholic guy, instead of at her job like she told us. She hasn't called or spoken to me since she left, other than to give me the finger once when she saw me in a public place. Needless to say, her husband is trying to get a divorce and she called him last Saturday asking for some of her things - not clothes, but things like Xbox, TV, computer, etc. I just got a text from her saying that she is getting a second job (I happen to know she doesn't even have a first job) and needs her license, passport, I just got a text from her with a list of ten items she wants me to find and give to her husband, because he is supposed to be meeting her to get her to sign the divorce papers. I don't even know where to find some of the things. So, my question is, should I look for these things and box them up for her husband to take to her? Is this under the Don't of doing something for an alcoholic they can do for themselves? She also wants the title for the car, which she is upside down and which she somehow thinks she can sell.
Should we find these things and give them to her?
Should we tell her to get them herself?
Should we not even reply to her?
I just want to make sure I am treating her the right way, for all of our sakes. It seems like I have made decisions before and done more reading and figured out either my replies or actions were doing more harm than good and I am trying to make the right decision as far as dealing with an alcoholic.
Hi. As a parent of an adult AS, I can relate. When I was very uncertain about what to do and not do, using "When in doubt, don't" and going to meetings with an open mind helped me find the answers that were right for me. The way I can tell if something is doing more harm than good is paying attention to what I'm thinking, feeling and doing or working it out with a fellowship member or sponsor before I act. We learn the 3As in Al-anon - We become aware. We accept reality. We take reasoned action. The outcome is always in the hands of HP.
