Interesting how when I finally gave in and decided to make peace with the idea of going to my parents, other offers started to roll in.

I declined the 2 potential job offers because I was going to be living hours away in a city where jobs would be relatively easy to find. I spoke to daughter's school about the situation and we had decided i was going to try commuting for a while. Its a 3-4 hour journey each way so we aren't exactly talking fun times here but it's 10 weeks until the end of the school year and I have classes here 2 days a week anyway...so I was going to grit my teeth and try to get through it. (thats a full work day just travelling each day, so, you know, not the greatest plan in the world). Mother also told me how much board she wants and it's not a huge fortune but it's also a lot more than I might have expected for a short term 'get back on my feet" arrangement. Its not much less than what I pay now to split a house in fact. It wouldn't really save me money, in fact with the travel  etc it might cost me more.

I allowed all of my clothing and books and half of my furniture to go to my parents house (I am keeping the bare essentials with me until the final move-out). I was just resigned to it and had decided to make the best of it and had started to see the positives (and there are some, of course). 

Well about a week ago i spent a day scouring listings for room-mates in this area and applied to quite a lot of possible houses and the response to all of them was basically..."sorry, we are a party house, not suitable for kids". OK, it's that kinda town, never mind.

So today the emails from more appropriate places just started rolling in. A gentleman in a town 15 minutes away; he seems very nice and states in his ad he does not drink or smoke. He has a cat, likes animals, children who stay a few days a fortnight, a job working very long hours as a security guard...he seems a quiet, kinda shy sort of person and I got a good vibe from him over the phone. Respectful I thought, and he said he would prefer someone with children who would understand the dynamics when his kids come to stay etc. But daughter and I would be sharing a room and it's really quite expensive considering. So, not perfect but an option...

Then a guy (I would really prefer a female) who lives just a few streets from where I live now, also has a child who comes to stay, a dog that loves other dogs and a huge yard, a friendly nature based on email conversation so far...I don't know anything else about him so of course i can't make any sort of decision...but i will go and meet him tomorrow. But how much can you tell from one meeting? He is asking much less and describes his place as "a bit ramshackle but lots of room and character"...well that sounds like my sort of place...I have a good feeling about that one...BUT I wonder why his ad specifically said he was looking for a female? Is it that good old "get a chick, they keep things clean" thing? How could you ever know? 

The other option is a place with 2 women but the email conversation has been a bit odd. Firstly the first email arrived after midnight and seemed a bit odd as did the next one, hmm. If i send odd emails late at night it would be because I was into my second bottle of moscato...well not these days but historically speaking. I don't want to deal with erratic behaviour and alcohol or no, replying to a potential housemate at that hour strikes me as a red flag.

Any of these options would be short term as once the rent situation on my current place has been sorted out and the security deposit returned etc, my rentability will improve and I should be able to get my own place reasonably soon.

So, if i allow all of my stuff to go to my parents house and take the absolute bare-bones essentials to one of these places and try it out for a couple of weeks (I said in my profile that i am looking for a short term sharing arrangement until I move into my own place) I could easily pack up the car and go if it went awry. I wouldn't be losing anything.

But my heart feels sad knowing A is moving a long way away and I know I'm going to have to feel that for a good while yet. Do I want to company of family?  It could be good or it could be terrible. Do I want the comfort of my current routine and town? Yes but there will be so many reminders...

I do have to move back to this side of town in 3 months anyway because daughter starts high-school here. It probably makes sense to try a share-arrangement for a while...it's so confusing. I think the bottom line is that all options seem wrong because I'm having last minute panic about really going ahead without A now....there's no going back and that's good and right but it's hard to pick an option when all of them feel a bit empty and sad.

Anyway I don't mean to just complain no matter what happens, it's great that I have options all of a sudden. The finality of it all is just a bit harsh; no matter what I choose it really will be just my girl and I now and as insane as it is, not having A in the next room whenever I want to see him feels scary and a bit sad.

Anyway all I can do is go and check out these options, keep an open mind and carry on moving forward. Ugh it's like i got on the rollercoaster and now I have to ride it to the end no matter what...I guess i shouldn't feel bad if i wave my hands in the air and shriek a little at first.