Catherine, Inspirational, I am positive that AA has many such beautiful examples of recovery. I know a few alanon members who can also qualify .:0

Unfortunately, I don't see many interviews of us, Betty. :^) It is my belief that the same thing does happen for those of us in Al-Anon if we do the same things she has done in her own program. Dropping all masks, artificial appearances and rationalizations for our choices and accepting the consequences of those choices takes time and it is so much easier than pretense and insincerity. I so admire women who do this and simply sit as regal queens aware of their power to be true to themselves. Of course, this is an anonymous program so I can't say the names of folks in it who impress me but I can say I've met some and some may even be on this board. : ^ )

This was an open interview, so there is no need for me to hide her name, NLG. Since you are curious, the name of the woman who showed such good program work was Allie McGraw. She played opposite Ryan O'Neill in "Love Story."  Her celebrity doesn't impress me.  Her presence and recovery story sure does.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 5th of October 2014 09:57:24 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 5th of October 2014 09:58:00 PM

I can surely relate to what you're saying, Betty. I picked someone with whom I did share that and the answer was always "no." It took me about 8 years to figure out he meant it. Talk about doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. And I thought it was only him who had the problem. :^)

Thanks for sharing that, Grateful. I enjoy listening to an alcoholic's story of recovery. It humbles me. It also helps me to understand my own husband and to be a little more tolerant. It also saddens me that we don't hear more al-anoners speaking. Where I'm at, we have AA speakers every week, but we only have al-anon speakers once a month. To me, that puts a little less importance on the al-anoners. I think most people don't see al-anoners as people with addictions. I do believe my addiction is just as powerful as my h's. It's not the same kind of addiction, but it's just as strong. And I know without a doubt that if I don't work my program every day, I can easily slip back to what I was before Al-Anon.

Thanks again for sharing that.

It works if you work it.

 

When I attended seminary for some course work, we were presented with information based on research that showed about 20% of church members in some denominations were alcoholics. 80% were shown to be non-treated codependents. Perhaps we are so much the norm, that those with the disease get more public attention? Don't know. Just thinking about it. I do know that like some of you, our local groups offer AA speakers meetings but not Al-Anon speakers meetings. Much attention is focused here on the A, too, but not the non-A. There are many more meetings for As, social gatherings, even their own clubhouse. I have sat in AA speakers' meetings and next door to AA meetings and heard the applause or watched recovering As receive chips and praise for their recovery work. In some of my groups, we have been asked to give to holiday parties for the As (which I won't do being of the principle if I can't afford it, I shouldn't do it) but there are no holiday parties offered for non-As. I wonder why that's so?

somehow alcoholics and parties seem contradictory to me. Probably because I equate parties with alcohol. I don't think I would contribute to AA celebration parties because it just doesn't feel right to me. I know where I'm at the AAs have celebrations for birthdays and sobriety. They are called "Low Country Boils." These don't seem like my definition of a party. They seem more like fellowships.

Most of the time the AA room is pretty much full, but our Al-anon room only has 5,6 or 7 people at the most. I know before I started Al-anon, my thinking was, "I'm not the one sick. My husband is. I don't need help. He does." Sadly, this type of thinking is why our Al-anon rooms are not bursting at the seams.
 Do you think if we had Al-Anon celebrations, we would see more people attending Al-anon meetings?

Love this topic.

I don't think it is as scary to be an AlAnon as it is to be an AA, for what ever that is worth. It takes a lot longer to die from being an untreated co-dependent. As easily addicted as I am, I thank my lucky stars that I don't care that much for the stuff and hated the way I felt when I got too much so badly that I was able never do it in excess again. So I think if I heard the AAs celebrating I'd just say Bless 'Em and Thank Whatever Powers that be that I'm in here. We aren't afraid of ourselves. What that must be like, I cannot imagine.

I think I just answered my own question on "What is he so afraid of that he acts like that sometimes?" Please may I remember that the next time.

Pictures of my mother when she was young look like a cross between a young Ali MacGraw and a young Jeanne Tripplehorn. My mother aged beautifully because she stayed out of the sun and never drank or smoked, so she looked a lot softer at the end; was still getting compliments the day she died. But the resemblance was uncanny at the age of 20.

I read an interview of Ali M. years ago and was struck by her forthrightness.

Temple

I don't have a problem with AAs celebrating. I do find myself thinking I'd like to see more of the same with Al-Anoners. I have organized Euchre parties at my home with some fellowship members who began rotating the location for the card parties but that isn't the same to me as having a neutral location to gather for social celebrations of recovery and growth or speakers meetings.

I smiled when I read your seeing the beauty of your Mother. I love it when women bless their Mothers and look kindly at them, Temple. I, too, appreciate people who are forthright and direct. There's no missing who they are if their actions also support their words. Integrity in all our affairs- to me - is the primary work to practice, practice, practice in recovery. I'm not there yet and I appreciate learning from folks who are getting there. (((Temple))) Let's pretend your Mom just gave you an air hug.

As a postscript:  I want to admit that I am often fearful and it took a long time for me to admit that.  I don't know that the fear I have experienced is the same or as extreme as another person's or an As, but it was the root cause of my own dis-ease and is something I can still wrestle with inside myself.  Fear vs unconditional love are two sides of the same coin of little me.  "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am," is a book that offered me a gateway into this very real truth about myself.  Since MIP isn't strictly Al-Anon, I am willing to name the book that helped me and I want to say that it is not Al-Anon Conference approved literature, but it was still a big help to me in uncovering the root issue for me.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 6th of October 2014 10:20:27 AM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 6th of October 2014 10:24:59 AM

MW: I love what you have shared here! Noticing that you are "below the radar" in the UK where there is attention focused on the A and not on the family of the A has appeared to awaken something in you? Perhaps there is a work for you somewhere in here on behalf of alananics?

PP - You are one bold woman! Hopefully those reading this can make it that day? We've talked about meet ups of MIP members. I've even offered other people's homes to do it (WHAT???!!! That isn't appropriate to offer other people's homes as a gathering place?) I guess I'll just say that I'm still open to a meet and greet for those who can't make the Thursday gathering in Albion. (((P)))

Thank you for permission to share your home as a possible location for a meet and greet. T-Rex will probably enjoy having multiple laps to hardly cuddle up in although I don't know about that? I haven't talked it over with him but maybe he'll tell you next time you are flattened by his 85 pound body in your lap? I'd assume his ears and mouth are extremely close for a little human to animal whispering?

Temple, Temple, Temple: First you make me smile and then you help me laugh. Love your wit!

Thanks grateful, beautiful post. I think its all about the honesty.x

I broke someone's bed too while hooking up with a stranger in it and we just left it like that and left the party. I think I joked about it at the time like it was funny. During a period when I was living at home with my parents I also slept with some married man in my parents' bed. I didn't see a problem with that. The guy was like "um...this is your parents' bed!?" and I said "yeah it's bigger than the one in my room." Didn't see a problem as long as they never knew. Didn't wash the sheets. Yep. I was that selfish. I just didn't even think about stuff like that.

This stuff started hitting me as I got sober and would get these horrible feelings...not that I'd forgotten the things I did and was remembering them. I was just seeing more how wrong they were and how sick I was and it was frightening. I think that is why a lot of people relapse. After a few months sober, I just got hit with an even worse wave of self-hate than I had the whole time I was drinking. Yet for some reason, I knew that AA was working and I had to just get through it to get to the other side.

I notice with the Alanons that I meet at meetings, from their first meeting I notice their expressions on their faces. In the beginning they never have a natural, happy smile. They are tense and worried and afraid they will let out the secrets or get caught doing something bad. As time goes on they get fewer wrinkles and happier faces. They smile easier and are much less tense.

el cee: I just saw your response. I agree - it is about honesty. I always, as you know, appreciate that strength in you and truth be told, your affirmation, too. (((L)))

My first meeting wasn't all that long ago maryjane, maybe 6 months? I sure remember it clearly. Your comment just reminded me of it.
I walked in feeling terrified, and as there were only 2 other members present there was a sort of obligation to talk so I did, so nervously, I kept looking to the windows thinking he might be lurking outside, and turning around to look out the door in case he was there. And then I remember suddenly realising, he wasn't standing behind me listening but more to the point there was absolutely no WAY that either of the ladies present was going to repeat what I said to him. When i think back on it now it is astounding how convinced I was that everyone in the world was watching and waiting to report back to him and tell him that I had done the unforgivable...spoken about my misery and confusion and fear and pain....I could say whatever I wanted and I was in the safest place on earth to do it.
I was SO HAPPY when I left, as if I had struck gold, and I walked home almost floating above the ground. I walked past a florist and I almost bought myself a bunch of flowers because i just felt good about me and nurturing towards myself for the first time maybe ever.
My point being that kind of was my celebration and it's often like that, what i gain from al-anon is the ability to be joyful and exhaltant all by myself (or with my HP).
I'd hate a group celebration or recognitiion sort of thing. Al-anon for me is a sharing network that helps me love and appreciate me.

I think AA is different, and I've been to some of those meetings and talked lots about AA with AA members. I've a wonderful friend who has been several decades sober in AA and when he first explained it to me he suggested that A's LOVE attention and to talk about themselves and drinking with their drinking buddies feeds that need for them; when they are drunk and raving they imagine they have a captive audience and when they speak at meetings they actually DO have a captive audience so AA meetings start out as a bit of a substitute for the bar-room diatribe...

Anyway I guess I'm rambling and I can't speak for anyone else but what I crave is the quiet safe place to share and grow and learn to be calm and still in myself. The thought of hooplah and parties and recognition is quite off-putting to me. I think I would avoid that and not want to go if it was a part of al-anon. I'd rather an encouraging smile or a silent hug and some quiet acceptance, personally.

I'm the most honest! I win. Just look at all the filth and debauchery I admitted to in this thread.

Good Job Mark You are the WINNER in more ways than one:)

I still want what the AA groups do for Al-Anon. Whine.