The material presented
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Hi. About nine months ago, when I was a newbie in alanon, I gave my spouse a threat-to either get involved with AA or OA or I was moving out of our bedroom. Well of course she does not have a drinking problem, that is in my head, but she cannot deny she has an eating problem as she is at a life-threatening weight. Well she has been faithfully going to two meetings a week, and she does zero work in recovery. If she could name one slogan I would be amazed. There are no changes in her behavior, she has briefly had a couple sponsors who give up as she is not ready, and hence I see that threats don't work. Thanks for listening, Lyne
Hi Lyne, thanks for sharing this observation. I know I have used threats in the past to no avail. That is why the Al-Anon principles of keeping the focus on ourselves, living one day at a time and trusting HP works perfectly.
HI Lyne. Nope, you are absolutely right, threats don't work. I tried every one imaginable. Sounds as though she was only going to the meetings to appease you. I love the slogan, Let go and Let God. Using this slogan, I have been able to turn my ah over to God. I can't help him, but God can. What I can do is help myself. I'm doing that by attending regular Al-Anon meetings, doing a lot of reading, working the steps and slogans. Try focusing on yourself and doing something good for you.
Let go and let God and take one day at a time.
It works if you work it.
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I agree lyne, threats are about trying to control another. I like boundaries, im getting to grips with them because thats about me and working through what I can shouldnt tolerate and setting boumdaries around me.
There are those in my life who are committing slow suicide with various behaviors that hurt them more than help them. I am powerless over their choices, their obsessions, their underlying and painful secrets. I have learned to stay out of what they do or don't do without feeding their addictions, looking for what I am doing that is slowly killing me and making changes where I can and letting go of wanting to change what I can't change - them.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 5th of October 2014 09:38:58 AM
Threats are never the mark of a healthy relationship, in my experience. And you're right, they don't work. In my experience, promises I make to myself about what I personally will do in a future situations are far more well-kept, and I usually feel better about taking the action because I'm working in my own interest.
Yup, it took me a while to learn that one, but completely agree - threats don't work! Take good care of yourself Lyne. I found that when I kept doing actions that felt right for me and my integrity I learnt to cope a little better.
