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Yesterday he bonded himself out of jail by putting his car title up bond was set at 500 bondsman dropped him off at my driveway he came walking in scared me to death took me by surprise he always has tricks up his sleeve which is scary I've always called him the master mind he can figure out anything and I mean anything,he told me they had the wrong person he said he proved himself innocent but still other charges on him that he said he didn't do anything with that either saying he is innocent I know they saying he is lieing but he has to go to court also,they told me he is telling them the same thing he told them but they don't believe a word he is saying but he is soo good talking his way out of stuff that he is guilty of they say he seems to be sticking with his story but he is lieing he asked me if had burned his things I said no their in my car he went out and started unloading everything out of it.i told him that I knew he was lieing about working the 2days he left here saying he had a job to do down south with a old boss of his that he had been talking to his old boss off and on.i decided to call his old boss while he was locked up and his old boss said he hadn't talked to in over a year .what lier I've been lied to so many times by him my Xbf I couldn't count I confronted him with it all and he started telling me more lies I told him to get his and get out he has been so easy come easy go he just walked outside loaded his things back up and asked me to take him to an buddy of his that he does drugs with on a reg.bases so I did and dropped him off and left i didn't even wish him a farewell.i was done .scared they will be watching him from now till court time and if he or me is seen together or he is liveing in my house they would prolly end up getting me for accessory like the investigator said I dunno I just do not want to take that chance with him I guess I had more strength this time cause I'd met this guy that's healthy he is a widower and we had become friends and we went out that nite and ate supper together it was nice I really enjoyed his company and yes hevknowscof my exbf and he don't like him at all but he helped me through this.im planning on keeping him for a friend he is nice got 2sons teens but are good kids great dad,he is also retired military of 22 yrs and works now for the law and building cabinets and does remodeling he takes off when he wants cause he works 7 days a week ,I asked him to be my escort for my sons wedding coming up in nov 1st and he was honered to be my escort.im happy of that.so surly I carry on now I hope.by keeping exbf out of my life I'm sure I can cause I'm scared of that sit. Now with him my exbf.cause I know he is up to no good they just ain't been able to catch him yet .
Dear Looking Up You are correct, he will always be able to take care of himself and manipulate his way out of anything . That is why it is essential for you to take care of yourself in a healthy fashion and not abandon you physical and financial safety to take care of him
Love that you have connected with the gentleman who can respect you and honor the person that you are. Please keep coming back and practice taking good care of yourself
Good job taking care of you! If he can lie and manipulate and get his way so well with you, there are plenty of other people that he can take up with that don't mind it.
My BIL had a lot of problems when he was active, hanging around criminals, then getting caught in criminal activity. How many times we told him that if you lie down with dogs you get fleas! He would come up with one crazy scheme after another to make a little money, even though he had an airplane power mechanics certificate. After disappearing for a while, he finally came back out of hiding, told me what pawn shop that all the stuff that I had bought him ended up, and stopped hanging with the criminals. His life is much better now.
LU, it seems like he finally did something that helped you "see" him without the rose colored glasses at last. I'm happy for you!!
For me it was a less dramatic legal thing...I got a car to learn to drive in and he had been driving it and he got a speeding ticket.
I told him I would be sending the ticket back nominating him as the driver because why should I lose demerit points and have a blemished record before I even get my lisense?
He threw a huge tantrum and said he didn't understand why i couldn't just take the ticket for him since "I have plenty of demerit points and he has almost lost all of his".
Well anyway I was so upset and didn't know what to do and I asked a friend and he said "do you think he would take a speeding ticket for you?"
So the next time he asked me about it I said "No, would you take a speeding ticket for me?" and he stared at me for a long time and then said "fine" and walked away. I finally saw for the first time, he was just going to get away with whatever he thought he could with me but he would never, ever do those things for me.
I know this is not the same as what you are talking about but I can hear in your post, that same sort of realisation. Setting you up to change counterfeit money for him was just a despicable thing to do and I'm sorry it's happened but glad it's helped you to see how far down he is willing to take you if you let him. Good on you for protecting yourself so well and telling him no. I think you are doing an awesome job of learning to take care of you and you keep coming back and working at it so good on you!!!!
(((LU)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
LU: I don't know that driving him in your car anywhere is a good idea either? If he calls for another ride, which he probably will, I guess I'd be concerned that since nothing he says is the truth, I could be helping him in yet another criminal scheme? In my city, police will still charge the driver of a car as an accessory, especially if their history with that person has included previous trouble with the law. "I didn't know," can fall on deaf ears with them.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of October 2014 01:49:56 PM
LU, I'm seeing most of your posts are about your abf, and I can understand how you have needed to talk about the problems he has caused you. I'm so glad he is out of your life. But what I would really like to read about are your Al-Anon meetings and how the meetings are helping you. I want to see you focusing on you.
Take care of you.
It works if you work it.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
My alanon meetings are great I have a hard time trying to get to them but I'm working at it I'm beginning to realize that it's about me and doing things that keeps the focus on me and getting out and involved and around healthy ppl is what I'm doing that really helps me to keep the focus on myself and away from the xbf cause I can't control or waste anymore of my time wondering what he is doing so the only time I think about him is when I come here and post it all helps me get him out of my system .
What the mind feeds on grows in my experience, LU. The more I focused on my x by thinking, talking and writing about him, the less I was focused on me. Attendance in meetings, working the steps, focusing on the literature, doing assets and gratitude lists and listening to others in the program helped me focus more on myself and on my life. In Al-Anon our focus is to be on us and not the alcoholic. I've learned that is a very good guide for the program. I also learned that in order for the program to truly make any difference in my life, I truly had to work it consistently. The good news is that I got to choose. It was and is always up to me. I could choose to keep doing what I had always done and get what I'd always gotten or I could choose to do what my HP kept showing me was the way out for me. Yet, I was loved enough, too, by my HP to remain free and that was a gift. It was my life and I could do with it what I wanted. I decided I wanted something different and it took a lot of disciplined effort to make progress. Talking about wanting it but not doing the work necessary didn't help me any. And yet, it was still up to me how I wanted to live my life and the consequences for those choices are always and will always be experienced by me, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of October 2014 03:57:24 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of October 2014 03:58:08 PM
