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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> You know when ..
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SerenityRUS


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You know when ..
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You know when you think ok .. this is ok it's going to get better and everything is fine.  Apparently I have some lessons to learn in that area because Verna's post about not being mad got me thinking .. LOL .. Ohhh I'm angry today.  It's ok because it's going to pass, .. I kind of think I'm more afraid than I am angry really because this got real. 

My STBAX is truly a jack  he may be a sick jack  .. he's still a jack .  He's been fired (indefinitely suspended), all of this information came to me like all of the other information does .. it was a God thing.  My anxiety last week was a warning and it's the same warning I constantly get when it is about the STBAX that pretty much he's going to do something stupid get ready. 

So here we are two weeks out almost to the day and he has no job.  Yup .. just flushed it down the drain. 

I still have a few aces up my sleeve so all is not lost.  For him it's about to get real ugly.  I did actually text him it probably helped that I called and left a message at his mother's and what do you know .. LOL .. he text me back in 15 seconds.  Of course in our conversation he throws out don't leave messages like that on her phone .. (she is sick and it was to get his attention not cause her issues) .. I let him know nicely knowing that he wasn't responding to my recent texts I felt this was an appropriate plan of action .. LOL.  I know he didn't like that at all.  He deliberately chose not to disclose he had been fired oops I mean I.S.  Our texting ended badly because I did make statements such as his lack of remorse regarding the situation AND the fact he didn't have any intension of telling me about the firing oops .. I mean I.S.  I also pointed out that he doesn't screw just me .. he has now affected the children once again.  My SNAP benefits have recently been cut, we have no insurance as of Friday (that would have been nice to know), I work a part time job.  To which his response was .. how do I know you aren't lying?  LMAO .. seriously???  Ohhh I don't know because I have a current financial affidavit?  I didn't get into that there was no point the kicker of it was when I was informed not to text him any more except for basic information about the kids.  Umm .. ok .. so should I send a text once a week .. the kids were able to eat 4 out of 7 days.  They have clothing.  We have a roof over our head for another 2 weeks.  That IS basic information.  WOW .. that is how sick he is .. now am I mad because he's sick?  No.  I'm angry that he was stupid enough to get fired from a job he had for 11 years and there is so much more to the story than what he gave.  There was another incident similar to this when my daughter had been born.  I should have seen it as a red flag.  It was alcohol related and he lost his job while he was in MN .. he quit vs have them do a review to which they immediately kicked him out of the hotel he was at and took his airline ticket home.  OBVIOUSLY there was more to that story than I heard as well. 

I have no doubt he has burnt more bridges than he cares to shake a stick at .. however we go to court in 15 days so SERIOUSLY??? 

Ohhh .. he thinks I don't know about him paying the ticket for the truck .. LOL .. I haven't said anything and neither has he again .. trying to do the whole blindside thing. 

I have some information that he did it on purpose .. I will have to wait and see what the atty says. Getting fired and again .. there is a lot more to this story.  I would like to hear from his new supervisor .. boy oh boy, I was right .. he is not the golden boy anymore. 

Now .. what I have learned in the last 3 years.  Don't engage crazy with crazy.  This is his mess .. I only have to concern myself with what I can control, which is a different type of information gathering, can I qualify for programs and so on.  I don't look good in prison orange.  The kids need one functioning parent and he's not it so I have to be, so I really don't look good in prison orange. 

Hugs S :)

PS .. if anyone has any ideas for what kind of career I could make out of this weird gift I have please feel free to shoot some ideas .. I swear my sponsor laughed out of sheer not being able to wrap her head around how I found out.  Again .. I don't go looking or asking .. outside of that wonky feeling I had last week.  I knew something was up.  It just shows up through mail or through other people.  It's crazy. 



-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Tuesday 30th of September 2014 07:33:32 PM



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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
grateful2be


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Serenity: I am sorry that this has happened. I've had experience with the same thing and the only thing that helped was asking for knowledge of God's will for me, doing what I knew I could do, and walking through whatever doors opened for me. I couldn't rely on my x for anything and I knew it. Yet, I could rely on my HP and I did. That's really all I could count on back then. Many prayers for you and yours, Serenity. I do hope a door will open for you into a fulltime job with benefits.

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Temple


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Oh Rats!

You are so capable and together and I just feel that you will be okay.

And Rats! that another monkey wrench gets pitched into the works.

Bless your heart.

Temple

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cloudyskies


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Serenity, I am so sorry. I don't have any young children, so I can only imagine the stress you are under. I'm praying things will turn around, and that you will find a job that is absolutely perfect for you with great benefits. I admire your strength. Hang in there.

Take care of you.



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-
Newlife girl


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I understand. My AH got fired after 10 years...30 years in the same line of work and the first time fired, last March. He STILL doesn't have a job. It's maddening. I am stuck paying bills we both owed together. I am so resentful. But what can we do? It's up to us, the responsible ones, to take care of our finances and kids. I made the mistake of telling my mother in law stuff and she promptly went to him and told him off. I learned not to tell her anything. I am trying really hard not to be my AH's mother.

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Living life one step at a time
SerenityRUS


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I Just found something out that I can't post until after court .. it is truly heinous in terms of ethically .. He is a very sick twisted man .. He is extremely desperate and if he slides one toe or looks at me funny I'm going to get an immediate op. I think I would have rather he was fired. I might learn to respect him. This was just blatant evil.

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
PP


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I am sorry, Serenity.  I would like to give you a ginormous hug...



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Paula
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you .. I'm going to have to remember I'm dealing with a very sick desperate individual. The drama quota is going to be extremely high. It is my choice to participate or not. I'm choosing not to participate further. Not my circus not my monkey's .. 14 days and counting all I can do is hang on tight while ignoring what he's doing.

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
andromeda


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Keep hanging on tight, then! I'm so very sorry and I know this throws you and the kids for a loop financially. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers these next few weeks!! Keep us posted on how you are doing and how things are progressing.

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Debilyn


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We cannot expect anything from an A. Al Anon teaches us how to be a better person by taking care of our own side of the street. When we really work the program, in my experience I see more I, my, myself, not he or she or they or them etc. We look at how we are, not what they did or do or will do. We don't hope for them to feel any more pain than they do.

We let go of their life path, it is not ours.

It does make it harder to get this concept when we have kids, that is for sure. But again we cannot expect anything from them,support, food, cloths,shelter, nothing.

Just becuz they are sick does not help our kids have their needs met. But again it is wasted energy to  look to them.

It's so not easy! I know my experience really hurt me, made me have to be something I was not. I went to work full time for the schools  so I would be home when the kids were. I went back to college full time later. I learned to fix our jeeps, fixed my washer and dryer, put up fences, sewed a lot of their cloths. It was so hard as I was not me! Me was a stay at home mom gardening, making everything from scratch. ugh.

I know for me to let go of all the boloney makes my life more serene and healthy. No use of fighting it as it would have changed nothing. Now I am glad I know how to make it on my own, and I have no bitterness about my very sick A.

I pray you find serenity for you and kids...



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Green Eyes


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Sending you a big hug, Serenity. Hang on- this sounds like a potential roller coaster ride through Crazytown. "When you're going through Hell, just keep going!"

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SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you all .. I'm just so very tired of all of this extended garbage and at least this time while I did buy into it for a short time when I had the opportunity to take a step back and go wait a min .. this is not making any sense .. I realized how many holes are in the story and this is his fear screaming and nothing to do with me. He has a LOT of crap rolling down on him at the moment .. it's just not my problem these are all his consequences. I have a right to what I'm asking for and it's not the moon it's what I'm legally entitled to .. he doesn't have to like it .. that is just not my issue at this point.

There are some good things on the horizon after the divorce is finalized keep your fingers crossed .. really good stuff that would just take a huge load off of me and the kids. It's getting to the divorce date at this point.

Anyway, I did send one last text and basically stated to him that this is my understanding of what is going on, he still has to keep the kids on the health insurance if he doesn't we will be back in court for those fees as well. He doesn't have to like it .. it is what it is .. I'm not accepting responsibility for the kids in that regard. Not when the courts have assigned him that responsibility and I also let him know I already have a full copy of his employment file through my atty I will just ask for an updated one if that's what it takes I will get the full story. I'm done.

I will not text further and I definitely do NOT want the kids around him .. he's in a heightened crazy place right now and cornered sick animals will bite, I don't need that going on. I have been contemplating reopening the OP I will wait until the divorce is done at this point. He's been weird enough to concern me, meaning I do not want to run into him in a public place .. however at this point I am not concerned about my home space. The kids have made a big decision NOT to see him until after the divorce and both of them have indicated .. probably not even then because usually this is about the time he crashes and burns so he's due. It's about that time of the year .. it's the holidays that send him into full tilt.

Hugs .. and I just want to be done at this point .. I am not going to just walk away .. well .. unless he wants to completely terminate his rights .. that is a different story .. I would give up support for that. Honestly, I have the best of both worlds because my parenting agreement is pretty solid. His rights are pretty much gone.

S :)



__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
bud


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(((SRU))) Hang in there!

Two things of great importance:
1. Don't engage crazy with crazy. This is his mess .. I only have to concern myself with what I can control, which is a different type of information gathering...
2. I don't look good in prison orange

I also needed to hear that tonight- thank you!

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SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs Bud,

I'm having an emotional day today partially because I believe I'm hormonal .. LOL .. that's always fun and then obviously just the stress of all that I'm dealing with at the moment. These are all of my fear triggers coming to pass at the moment. It's just so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact he's so horribly cruel and warped. At this second I can't see a person separate from the disease, I guess in some ways it's better because of what will have to happen in court IF court happens at this point.

It's very hard to have faith when I'm trying to figure out how not to be homeless. My heart breaks for the kids at the moment and I realized it is ALWAYS around this time of the year he pulls this crap. I do not understand.

Anyway, big hugs .. and please keep the positive thoughts coming it's what is getting me out of bed at the moment. :)

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
bud


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"It's just so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact he's so horribly cruel and warped."

That was and sometimes is still a tough one for me to accept with my exAH. This disease is entirely heartbreaking. You're not alone- I am also struggling to get back on my feet financially. As difficult as it is, there are so many things that I'm grateful for.

You'll get through this and things will improve; I'm sending a steady supply of continued prayers.

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