Ok So I am New Here.... - Al-Anon Family Group

Courtney · Newbie

Ok So I am New Here....

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

We know your story well. Living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us without help. The help that has worked for us is found in Al-Anon meetings. We suggest attending at least 6 meetings before you decide if the program is right for you. There is hope and you will find help in the program if you keep an open mind, attend meetings, get to know others in the program and later find a sponsor who can help you work the steps. Most of us didn't arrive in the doors of Al-Anon until we felt like you are feeling now. You aren't alone and you won't be alone in the meetings. You will hear stories similar to your own and you'll realize you aren't crazy. You are living with a crazy making disease.

Fairlee · Senior Member

Hi! I'm new here too and I share how you feel, unfortunately. I am so uncertain about so many things right now it is just crazy. I hope we can both get some help on the road to where our husband's addiction does not dictate our lives.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Courtney, and Hello Fairlee,

I remember when I first found this place and as I read other peoples stories I came to realise that so many of us have been told the same hurtful things and I understood that I was not such a hopeless wife and that I was not nearly as crazy as I thought I was.

I also remember when I went to my first Alanon meeting. My knees were shaking as I walked in the door but then someone smiled and welcomed me and understood me without any judgement. I felt accepted and I started to learn how to live and thrive regardless of the crazy making behaviour that I was experiencing with my AH.

The support is fantastic and reading about the disease also helped me a lot.

I'm so pleased that you have reached out, for me it was the first step in taking good care of myself and I remember it well. I've started to learn to trust myself again! Welcome to MIP

Southerngirl · Veteran Member

Hi to you both. I'm still new to al-anon, too. I've been going to local meetings for about 6 weeks and it's true what they say. I'm hooked. I have learned so much and my thinking is slowly changing for the better. I still can't control the situation - but I am learning how to cope. My husband does not know I have been going to al-anon (he doesn't think he has a problem) but he sure does know something is up because I'm not reacting the same way I used to. I hope you both find what I am finding - support, understanding, tools, and hope.

SG

NL14 · Veteran Member

Hi Courtney,

Welcome. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to the constant back-and-forth. My husband isn't usually a mean drunk, but he's totally inconsistent in everything. He "loves" me endlessly, but the next minute he accuses me of being unsupportive, of not having faith in him. He's a doting father one minute, but the next snaps at any tiny thing the kids do. He's responsible and considerate one moment, the next he's selfish and rude. It's exhausting.

What's amazing to me is how similar these types of behaviors are across most of the As I've heard about since joining Al-Anon. All of our situations are different, but many of the base realities we face are the same. Al-Anon is an amazing source of support and of reassurance that while the disease has driven you crazy, you're not actually crazy. The A is the sick, crazy one. I have a hard time remembering that on my own.

All the best to you. I hope you'll keep coming back.

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP Courtney and Fairlee. You are among friends here as we all know your stories well. I am so sorry for both of you. Alcoholism is a disease that affects not only the person drinking, but family and friends of the drinker also. I often tell people I had to hit my "bottom" before I found Al-Anon. You are not crazy, but your thinking has become distorted and twisted and this is due to your alcoholic. I strongly recommend you find an Al-Anon group. Al-Anon is for family members and friends of alcoholics.

I'm glad you both have found MIP.

Let go and let God take care of your alcoholics. You take care of you. smile

Keep coming back.

It works if you work it.

-- Edited by cloudyskies on Wednesday 1st of October 2014 06:44:20 PM

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome courtney:

there is so much support here and at face to face meetings where those who have lived or are living in circumstances such as yours can share experiences with you. You will be surrounded by strength and hope here.

glad you are here :)

mary

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome all the Newbe's

You have all come to the right place. If no one else in this world understands your pain....we do.

Keep coming back and let us help....you are not alone my friends

((( hugs ))))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can so relate to you story! I call it going to the train station to board the train to crazy town. Alcoholics are usually unstable unpredictable people and unfortunately and fortunately we found ourselves loving them. I am so glad you found us at MIP and I hope you continue your al-anon journey. I started by attending face to face meetings in my local area, reading everything suggested to me, like the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. I also found a sponsor at my local face to face meetings and she was such a supportive mentor that I was so lucky to find. I know it is confusing and painful right now, but know you are headed in the right direction! I am sending you much love and support on your journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.