Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> X AH already engaged just days after divorce
Post Info TOPIC: X AH already engaged just days after divorce
wifetoasaint


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
X AH already engaged just days after divorce
Permalink  

I am truly a walking soap opera. Seriously. Sometimes this is so unreal, my friends need proof to make sure I am not lying. 

This morning ( around 1am) I received a text message from my ex's phone (kindly labeled  line 2), it was a response to the photo I sent him of our son in  his Halloween costume we purchased earlier the day before. Only it wasn't the ex. It was a woman letting me know that she is his fiancee and he was sleeping ( odd to me, but whatever) and that my son's costume was adorable. At first because my ex is an alcoholic and totally weird when he is drunk, I thought he was pretending to be a girl claiming to be his fiancee. But, nope. She is real. Which makes me sad for her. Last week he had asked me to consider remarrying him once he was "better".

I don't really know what I am feeling. So many things at once I became numb. I am not shocked he has someone else. He left my son and I in April after a huge job loss due to his 4th DUI incident. I just don't understand people. The weirdest thing is she is a counselor for the state of NY. ( He lives in Florida now and we are in TX) How does a well educated woman with 2 young girls, date a man, let alone marry one, when to get his car started during his restricted hours, he needs a breathalyzer to get it going??? Seriously?? 

The weirdest part of all of this is that she reached out to me, even though she said she didnt have a need. Then why on earth am I being woken up at 1 am, 4 am and 6 am with text messages that she just wanted to let me know she exists, my son is cute and that my ex is getting married less than a month after our divorce and barely 4 months into his "recovery"? Is it me or is that just strange for a therapist to even consider going there? The conversation we had was more or less me warning her of his issues. His sociopathic personality and capability to destroy any strong woman in his path. ( I am wife #2, the first one got off easy with no kids, lucky girl). She seemed more interested in why i never left him. Allowed this "back and forth" for years. I guess marriage means nothing to some these days. 

She wants us to "coexist" for my sons sake. LOL. At this point my ex will be lucky to have any visitation when we got to court for our custody hearing. And seriously, this girl wants me to coexist with her even though she probably was with  my ex while we were married? 

How is this even really possible if he is in AA and going though the 12 steps and all the things people do to be sober? Is this a coping thing? I feel as if though he isn't really even trying to recover. Just another small band aid on a  high gushing wound. And I fear for my son now more than ever. These choices are not healthy for him. 

Am I wrong to feel this way? Any advice would be welcome. 



-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of September 2014 10:45:04 PM



__________________
Newlife girl


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 938
Date:
Permalink  

Hello and welcome. The A behavior doesn't surprise me any more. Also, my first husband wasn't an A but he was a cheater. He was living with his girlfriend as soon as he moved out...but swore to me their relationship was very new. It wasn't new...he was with her for months before he left me. So your story doesn't surprise me. Therapists are messed up too. I think you're lucky you don't live in the same state. Less chaos and drama.

__________________

Living life one step at a time
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome to MIP wife to a saint, alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. The insanity that you've just described is familiar to most of us so that I urge you to search out Al-Anon face-to-face meetings in your community and attend.

It is by connecting with others who understand as few others can that I was able to develop new constructive tools to live by while receiving the support and understanding that I so desperately needed.
Living with the disease of alcoholism we become infected and do require a program of recovery. Al-Anon was that program for me. It was here that I learned to keep the focus on myself, examine my motives before acting, not to react but to respond, live one day at a time and trust the unfolding of the universe.

There is hope and help available so please keep coming back.



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
SunshineGirl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 141
Date:
Permalink  

All pretty bog standard stuff. For your ex and his new enabler. Tedious. Personally I wouldn't engage in texting with her. It is drama you don't need.

Welcome to MIP. I would urge you to take care of yourself and the son you mention. I found face to face Al-anon meetings really helped me focus on getting myself sane and well. Finding peace away from AH's insanity. Best wishes to you.

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Doesn't matter what he or she says or do. When we are in Al Anon we focus on how we feel and what we are going to do. As far as right or wrong, you feel what you do, neither.

I agree with Sunshine, what good does it do to respond to them, it just means they control you.

As far as why would a counselor do this? Just because one is a professional does not mean they know anything about addiction.

What is important is now you can go on with your life, making it it the way you want without the insanity. No sense in hanging on to it is there?

hugs honey and welcome to mip!



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
KennyFenderjazz


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1896
Date:
Permalink  

Hi, welcome to MIP wifetoasaint,

It will be nice to become xwifetoasaint soon. I hope your custody negotiations go well for you. Your son living with craziness could just pass it on to the next generation.

I would agree with the above, it's really not worth the upset to be texted by crazy people. It's quite possible that she is also an alcoholic, or has some other problem, texting at all hours of the night is a red flag.

Keep coming back here

Kenny

__________________
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

When you do go to court - I'd ask for supervised visits and add that you've already gotten strange texts from people that seem to think they are going to be part of your son's life/family when you have never heard of them or met them. Hence, visits need to be insured that they happen ONLY with him - at least for a while. Not sure if that will happen but it sounds like something to at least mention.

__________________
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
Permalink  

Crazy attracts crazy .. let her have him abd deal with him .. My STBAX has his oRiginal affair with an engineer at his job .. obviously book smart definitely NOT intelligent. It's very sad to think there are desperate/damaged women out there who just want to believe the story they are sold. Hey .. I was one .. my ex wasn't married .. however I ignored ever flag he threw. We didn't choose each other by chance. I think it's more important that first off another woman texTing You about a picture you sent to your childrens father I Wild really encourage you not to respond to her. I would also make sure in your parenting agreement it states you Wil only communicate with HIM not other people on the phone or text. Second what's the damage that she's starting this at that hour? Sounds like she's got big issues of her own .. I don't know about you as many roles as I have .. I don't have time to text with my STBAX's "latest victim" at that hour .. I would rather sleep .. I pray for them. If he wants to remarry that's his choice. Is it crazy alcoholic behavior .. absolutely! It's his mess to deal with. Do keep coming back here. I hope you are attending alanon f2f meetings and get healthy for you and your son. Let him go .. and find you. Big hugs .. this stuff it hurts because in my mind I think it's me and what if he can have a successful relationship with someone else abd it really was me that's the issue .. honey I have my issues .. his crazy is not one of them .. you can't fix one relationship with another relationship .. unless it's with your higher power .. Big hugs again ..

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

I agree with PC on supervised visits to ensure the wellbeing of your son. Alcoholism and codependency are not respecters of wealth, sex, education, licenses or degrees. It doesn't matter who she is to him or why she is with him or him with her. That's their business. What does matter is your willingness to attend Al-Anon meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps and the program for you and to help your son. It is crazy making for anybody fresh out of one marriage or relationship to jump into another and it's done. Unfortunately, children are in the middle of all this crazy stuff and it is too much for a little one to comprehend or to understand. Text messages coming through to you at 1 in the morning from him or from her is crazy making, too. You have a right to uninterrupted sleep and do not have to interact with a gal who will probably be in and out in a relatively short amount of time. She could be a drinker, too. Who knows? Regardless, you and your child don't have to interact with any "friend" or "drinking buddy" of the x.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> X AH already engaged just days after divorce